Slammed shut and what for?

[Tashawashere]

Right now, it is a continuation of a closed post, and one where emotions might be running a little... so lets just let it go for the time being.

I want everyone to keep in mind that the current events forum here is not a stand-alone current events bulletin board. It is a forum that stands as PART OF an Eating Disorders support community. While getting into debates about politics and arguing with people about views can be healthy, it is also something we knew we'd have to watch closely as part of THIS site. Current events include many topics other than vehemently arguing political views -- respectfully discussing politics is okay, but arguing is not going to be tolerated HERE. If that's the kind of discussion anyone seeks, an ED site isn't the place to look -- there are lots of political discussion forums out there.


Actual emotions were discussed. People have strong feelings. What's so scary about that? Why shouldn't people debate? How is this harmful??? :-?

This is a community. We get close to one another, we want to get to know each other. Share, laugh, love, and yes, even argue. What's so scary or harmful about that? No, we won't all agree. No way we could, be a boring world if we could but I don't understand why all the good conversation is shut down the moment we begin to debate ideas with each other. What's so scary about people disagreeing? That's part of life.

Miss Ribbon and Miss Vicks, I'm sorry because I thought you all introduced intelligent and interesting discussions into the community. Sorry it wasn't welcome. I would have enjoyed talking with you and hearing your thoughts. :(

Peace out.

[Tashawashere]

Do not look for popularity or answers within the proletariart for when push comes to shove every man stands alone.

There are no answers within the populace. They shall flee like birds when confronted. I.B.

You shall have no friends. Seek and expect none.

[shortstop]

I'm pretty sure that the original post was closed because of the abortion talk. (I can't speak for MrFishy though...) And I think the second post was closed so the abortion talk wouldn't continue, plus we're not really supposed to start a post that is a continuation of a closed post.
Not saying that I agree one way or the other but I think that's why it happened.
I also agree that it's okay to get emotional and excited over something. But it's not permitted when it comes to abortion. I think if the abortion part of it were not a factor in the past post it would not have been closed. :confused
If I'm wrong, MrFishy or SFishy...please correct me!!! :winky

[Amsters]

round and round in circles we go, and where we stop....nobody knows!

well, that's what this forum could be like if there weren't people to decide when things get out of hand or when discussions get into trouble. in this case, we don't go in circles because we have people called moderators who make things called rules. they happen to be the people who own and create this site, so in my opinion that makes a lot of sense. though some of us, including me at times, may disagree with the decisions, it's up to them to decide what conversations are hurtful rather than helpful. i'm glad someone takes the time to do that.

[Tashawashere]

Me too. :shy: I'm glad when someone else does my thinking for me. I wouldn't want stupid lil' old' me to decide all that, o heavens no!

Someone please take the time to think for me. Thank ye' and bless ye.

Discussions be such evil things, so full of danger! People actually saying thing without rules! *gasp* the horror!* Thinking for themselves, the pagans.

Give me rules to conversate, lord knows I be too stupid to do that on my own at least according to some of the asses here.

Oh conversations out of hand....! There goes Western Civilazation!


(Knew this wasn't gonna last, but I did try!)

[Amsters]

well so much for that attempt to be pleasant while explaining the situation. i'll shut up now.

[Tashawashere]

That was the pleasant attempt?! LOL! I'm sorry if I seemed harsh, you're probably a cool person but I didn't see that as open-minded or discussing squat, just a total party-line. I AM sorry if I came as harsh at you personally :( because that was NOT my intent. You've always seemed perfectly normal and cool and there's no bad feelings here. I just wanted an honest discussion. It bugs me that a good discussion was shot down before it even began.

[Anonymous_Member009]

You're angry? Why are you angry? This situation doesn't seem to have warranted this heavy of a reaction. Tashwashere, i'm serious. Do some journaling and figure out what this is reminding you of, or similar things that have sparked you to use sarcasm the way you just did.

it does push people away, as you said in another post. its not that anger is wrong....but sometimes we really need to look at ourselves through the things that make us angry....and then use that to heal.

i found your comments in this post rude, disrespectful, almost arrogant.....until i looked up a thread you had written about your problems with anger. yes, i can relate. my dad had a chip on his shoulder that made Mt. Rushmore look miniature. he would bite and snarl with his sarcasm over the littlest things.

this is a site with rules that we agreed to abide by when we registered. what is the complaint???? i don't think you have one....i think your reacting out of an emotion that's probably related to your own life experiences of being shut down.

call me crazy for responding, i don't care. i can do more damage to myself anyday. but i do care about your well being.....and something just doesn't seem right.

[Kensington]

Actual emotions were discussed

As opposed to, what, the other two dozen are so boards which contain no emotions whatsoever? :wacky

Emotions & intellect were not the problem, it was the debating of abortion that had begun. You are free to debate abortion or any other topic in another moderated community or a free-for-all community or in person, in clubs, with friends, at rallys, on & on. However, this one corner of the internet doesn't keep posts debating abortions open. That's not assigning you or anyone an opinion on abortions, it's handling that topic the way it's always been handled here.

If this post is closed, it won't be becuz of "party-line", it will be becuz it's a continuation of a closed post, which you already knew was going to happen.

[shortstop]

I think :painter is right here. What else is going on? I think Amsters gave you a perfectly fine reply and what you said back was rather rude. Posts here are closed every day; why is it this one that bothers you so? Do you think you're in a place where you can :challenge yourself and figure out what is upsetting you so much?

[ribbon]

I started the post. I understand why it was closed. I am not angry that it was closed. A woman's choice is a divisive. I was trying to get a conversation going how what's important to us without continuing a closed post, I obviously wasn't able to do that.

Picasso said: You're angry? Why are you angry? This situation doesn't seem to have warranted this heavy of a reaction.

Why are you questioning someone's right to feel a certain way? You seem to be speaking out of both sides of your mouth, saying it ok to be angry, then questioning why.


it does push people away, as you said in another post. its not that anger is wrong....but sometimes we really need to look at ourselves through the things that make us angry....and then use that to heal.


How's that mirror working for you today?

[Vicks]

The only reason why I am responding is that it was me who started the post that was closed.

I hope that in a few monthes after things have cooled down the "head fishies" will allow a similar post to be created as I did find it interesting as to what issues are important to people. I would be curious also what fishies, NOT from the US feel, garners their vote too. so maybe in a few monthes a new post can be created.

For now: Let it go people! Ok?

Vicks

[ribbon]

Ok, :hugonvicks:hugoff started the first one. I started the second one that was a continuation of her first :winky.

[Anonymous_Member009]

Ribbon,
i have no idea why you are attacking me with my words???? now this is confusing.

my therapist has talked to me about degrees of emotion and how often a person with an ed will overreact and it is important to learn how to temper our reactions to things to the degree that is warranted. overreacting, such as angry outbursts, feeling hurt unnecessarily, catastrophizing events that we cannot predict the future in, is harmful to a person. i wasn't speaking out of both sides of my mouth- but rather both sides of my brain.

the mirror IS working. if i didn't recognize the emotions first, i wouldn't have known what i was looking at. i recognize sarcasm. its most often a very bitter form of anger.

[Marigold]

It's painful to read the sarcasm that's coming across on this thread from various people.

The fact that :fishy's are beginning to attack each other (and yes, I do think this sort of deep sarcasm is an attack) is probably going to make the moderators more inclined to watch this forum.

We all are suffering, right? That's what brought us to SF in first place.

Let's show some compassion for each other - even when we deeply disagree.
This forum is but one small part of the SF website as a whole - a website dedicated to healing - not harm.
I can think for myself - and I support both threads being closed.
-Marigold:sun

[Tashawashere]

This has gotten interesting and thank you for replying, it does give me some stuff to think about. You're right, I DON'T like being shut down. I apologize if I got loud and crazy, I just prefer to be open and honest and get out what's on my mind. I was enjoying the replies of other people and was very upset when those threads were closed because I thought they were intelligent discussions. I joined and read the rules, and I don't post weights or look for tips, but I thought this was a place we could be honest.

So sometimes we won't agree, but that's okay. I don't see what's so scary about it, that it has to be closed anytime a controversial topic arises? I've seen this happen whenever abortion even gets hinted at so I KNOW it happens.

We're all different people, we won't always see eye-to-eye. That's okay, sometimes that's how we can all learn from each other. I just don't understand why it seems like so many here are so scared of arguing or getting out any intense emotion. Chill peeps, emotion IS a good thing, even the loud ones! ;)

I grew up in an environment where ANY display of emotion was considered "excessive" and I just don't have patience for that mentality anymore. It was detrimental and did me far more harm than good. So perhaps I come to this with a bias but that's what I learned from growing up, that stifling emotion doesn't fix anything. Give me honesty any day of the week. I can't deal with the alternative.

[the_dragonfly]

It IS interesting that the posts get closed.
As will this.
In part, I can understand, but then, this is the "current events" forum, and, I would believe, the majority of fishies are American, and it IS their election coming up, of course it's going to be discussed, it's a Current Event.
Maybe the mods need to make a ruling re. Discussing politics as a whole?
Many fishies seem to feel "picked on" because of their beliefs, which results in a lot of heated words, and closed posts.
This won't change. It's what Current Events, Politics, Discussions, Difference of opinions are all about.

[arc]

I'm not american so will admit I didn't pay much attention to the original thread referred to here, but I understand and appreciate that it was closed if the debate turned into one on the rights and wrongs of abortion.

Not because I see if as a controversial subject that we aren't allowed to discuss here, but because it is an issue that personally touches many fishies who post here. There are members who have had abortions, sometimes because of abuse.

If it is an issue you have experienced, and maybe still feel great pain and shame over, or perhaps wish to bring up as something that has triggered your own ED - then it is very hard to do this after reading other's opinions that you are anything from selfish to a baby murderer. It makes the bowl unsafe to have those opinions voiced.

[Marigold]

Tashawashere,

I'm really glad to see you looking a little deeper into what's really going on w/you.

You say you come from an extremely repressive environment and you feel deep anger at what you think is a repetition of that repression.

I can't agree w/you here, Tasha. Closing a post (or posts) because of discussion of a "no-win" topic (abortion) that the rules clearly state is off-limits to discuss/debate (so we knew this from the get-go and still elected to come onto this forum and participate) is definately not the same as repressing anyone here.

Tasha, it's interesting, what you say.
By giving us some backround of your life - your intial responses make alot of sense (even though they have "sting" in them).

As someone who comes from a "say whatever you want, it doesn't matter how much it hurts, just ream into each other" family environment of crazy arguing - I do not agree w/you that unchecked emotional debates/arguing will not hurt people.

I guess we are very much molded by our backrounds (along w/every other :fishy here - and every other person in the world, for that matter).

Tashawashere - most people Don't look into Why they are reacting as they do - they pin it totally on the other guy/gal/situation.

I really respect how you are going beyond that.

Those responses to the closed posts were interesting - but they will moving in a direction that was getting contentious - and over abortion - a very :wacky kind of political hot potato.

Very Angry/Hurtful Arguing is extremely easy for any of us to descend into - esp. w/hot button issues like abortion.
Amy and others here are really smart to limit this forum in this manner.

It probably would have hurt IThinkICan to see those responses to Ribbon's thread - given her views on late term abortion. Even though it was just a listing - it came fast on the heels of a closed post about late-term abortion.
And IThinkICan might very well have hurt :fishy's who do not agree w/her views on abortion - who may in fact have gone through such a procedure, as Ribbon rightly pointed out.

I think Picasso was correct in asking you to :digdeep, Tasha.

It's great to be emotional and in touch w/emotions.

But other people have to be factored in too.

It's a balance -and not an easy one.
It's probably much easier to stifle emotions - so I think it's great you are not doing that.

But anger is tricky.
What seems to be a *righteous* cause may actually be pain for the past asserting itself and dictating your response.

You are wise to resent other's thinking for you. But no one is doing that w/the closing of the two posts.

On a public forum like this, it's very smart to rule out discussions on topics like abortion.

Frankly, even if I don't always agree w/the moderators - I feel safer to have them on board.
-Marigold:sun

[Marigold]

Also - "honesty" is a tricky thing too.

Tashawashere - I totally agree that being around people who get it out and are honest about how they feel - as opposed to those who stifle themselves and simmer - is, on the whole, a better situation. Give me an honest (yet compassionate) person, on the whole.

But so-called *honesty* is often used to hurt others - ie: "I'm only saying this for your own good" type of thing: "I'm only being honest - that new hairstyle sucks on you".
People don't always realize that their take on honesty is just how They think (myself included).

Still - I will always admire someone who is honest - or tries their best to be. It takes guts.

However:
Honesty in terms of these post closings - does not apply.
It's not about honesty - it's about keeping this forum safe for all users w/o stupidly, endlessly, ongoing hate-filled debates about abortion.

-Marigold:sun

[Vicks]

Tashware - I also was raised in an environment where "any sort of emotion was viewed negatively" Hence one reason I am such a strong propnent of "saying how I feel, and if I am hurt by someone saysing why I am hurt"

None- of us can control what each of us say, but on this forum, certain issues unfortunately, just can't be discussed I guess, becausse people honestly?

Cannot agree to disagree and not personalize something that is close to their hearts

I also want to remind people that in the thread I started orginally I asked "Foreign Fishes what issues would determine yoru vote"

POLITICS - Is politics, and I want to know why someone in Great Britan votes the way they do? ARepeople from Great Britain happy with gun laws? Or do they like socialized health care?

I personally, am not careful with how I say things normally, because I am very anti "PC", I am a strong proponent of "FREE SPEECH" but on this forum therre are certain rules that must be followed, and while I would like to see a "anything goes" atmostphere here, It ins't realistic. certain issues, are simply to hard to deal with I guess for some people. And the head fishies, only have so much time, and energy, and well, if they feel a certain issue in'st approriate we have to respect that.

Vicks

[MrFishy]

Yes....as stated...I AM closing this post because of its argumentative nature.

Yes....the first post was closed because it was turning into an abortion debate.

Yes......the second post was closed BOTH for a continuation of the first one, and for fear of where it would head again.

Lets look at PERSPECTIVE for a second here.

Since April we have had one hundred and seventy seven threads in this forum.

SEVEN have been closed.

One because the poster deleted their words.
One was a question that was answered.
One was talk about a celebrity and an ED.
One was a continuation of a closed post.

THREE out of one hundred and seventy seven where closed because of turning into arguments.

The percentage of closures if you check thru last year to date is even SMALLER.

Ill be STRAIGHT UP.

If you dont like those odds....I believe CNN.COM has a forum with better odds on closures.



This is an Eating Disorder Support site where keeping the environment conducive towards healing is the MAIN concern.

I cant get plainer and simpler than that.

Ohhh....and now we will make it EIGHT closures out of one hundred and seventy seven posts.


Good Luck!