Eldalote Anarion
06-23-2004, 04:52 PM
I don't know how to start telling this. Me, the writer, doesn't know how to start. So I'll just say it.
I'm recovered.
:bandwagon
How do i know? Nobody told me. I can feel it. After wasting most of my teenage years on food, i've decided to get a life.
And I am getting a life, and loving it. :rainbow I'm moving out of the house, but still hoping to get into medicine. Yes, i wanna be a doc. I just got reminded why I wanna do it today. A girl in a recovery forum on an ED site told me something i said really made a difference to her. i want to make a difference...
I never thought I'd get this far. I'd never thought there'd be a day where I won't know how many calories I'd eaten. I never thought there'd be a day where I'd just eat some chocolate. Being 'allowed' to eat anything i want is terrific. But do i really want to eat 'anything'? I am also surprised that eating can be fun. And I never thought I would thank the Lord for my body. I also am surprised that that very same body has a system of telling you when it needs food and when it does not...
Because of my ED i have sabotaged my own social life. It has not helped me get through the emotional abuse at home. I've been sick so long, I don't even know what my 'set point' is, but i guess it's somewhere near where i am now. I don't know 'who' I am. Right now, I don't have much. But i don't have an ED either. so i have the opportunity to build up a life of my own. There is so much i want to discover: tastes, love, experiences, life...
Saying that i am recovered means: I choose to live. It does not mean I can sit on my lazy ass and relax. It's a choice i made, it's a choice I make every day. I am not happy with my body the way it is. But I turned out to be a very energetic, social girl with the amazing capability of staying in control even in chaos. i'll need that, not skinny hips, to get ahead in life. So if having that means having the body, i guess so be it. Having a size or two smaller is not going to make me happier.
I'm recovered.
:bandwagon
How do i know? Nobody told me. I can feel it. After wasting most of my teenage years on food, i've decided to get a life.
And I am getting a life, and loving it. :rainbow I'm moving out of the house, but still hoping to get into medicine. Yes, i wanna be a doc. I just got reminded why I wanna do it today. A girl in a recovery forum on an ED site told me something i said really made a difference to her. i want to make a difference...
I never thought I'd get this far. I'd never thought there'd be a day where I won't know how many calories I'd eaten. I never thought there'd be a day where I'd just eat some chocolate. Being 'allowed' to eat anything i want is terrific. But do i really want to eat 'anything'? I am also surprised that eating can be fun. And I never thought I would thank the Lord for my body. I also am surprised that that very same body has a system of telling you when it needs food and when it does not...
Because of my ED i have sabotaged my own social life. It has not helped me get through the emotional abuse at home. I've been sick so long, I don't even know what my 'set point' is, but i guess it's somewhere near where i am now. I don't know 'who' I am. Right now, I don't have much. But i don't have an ED either. so i have the opportunity to build up a life of my own. There is so much i want to discover: tastes, love, experiences, life...
Saying that i am recovered means: I choose to live. It does not mean I can sit on my lazy ass and relax. It's a choice i made, it's a choice I make every day. I am not happy with my body the way it is. But I turned out to be a very energetic, social girl with the amazing capability of staying in control even in chaos. i'll need that, not skinny hips, to get ahead in life. So if having that means having the body, i guess so be it. Having a size or two smaller is not going to make me happier.