Self Obsession/Shyness

[Starflower]

I have come to realise over the last few months that I am self obsessed.

It used to be OK. I had to be self obsessed to get through my ed. And it helped me to get through the abuse crap. Because I concentrated on how I felt and not ignoring the feelings I had been ignoring.

And now - like the other stuff, it's left over and no longer so useful. And I am self obsessed. And I'd say I was selfish. I do think of me alot. I do put my feelings first sometimes.

I write about myself. I spare my feelings from people who want to hurt me.


But I am still shy. :touched and still would say I had low self esteem. Is it that I am so obsessed with myself I concentrate on my faults too much. Is the key to curing shyness to not think about myself so much??

I don't understand where the healthy point is. Since spending time looking after me and being aware of myself doesn't seem to correlate with esteem or confidence. . .

Any help?

Oh well. . I will probably write more later.

[dreadbunny]

:hugon :stars :flower :hugoff

Man, this is a complex topic!

I deal with this a lot too- sometimes I think my low self-esteem must be a manifestion of extreme narcissism because realistically I know that other people spend no time dwelling on my perceived flaws contrary to my belief that that's all they do (sit around and talk about how awful I am). :ugh

I'm working really hard on just getting a better idea of my place in the universe- realizing that other people don't obsess about my bad haircut (which really is seriously bad) is liberating. Also realizing that other people will like me whether or not I bend over backwards sacrificing myself for them is liberating as well.

I don't think you're self-obsessed- I think you're walking the path to self-awareness. Having your identity wrapped around an ED for so long makes it hard to identify who you really are. Placing yourself as your priority is a healthy thing just as writing about yourself helps you to gain clarity and insight into what you want and how you think.

Shyness is an issue for me because I sometimes convince myself that even the most sincere people are really thinking "God, I wish she'd leave! Yuck!" But as I do nice things for myself and get to know me again I begin to realize that their opinions aren't so valuable (which frees me from a lot of shyness) and I realize my own worth (why wouldn't they want to get to know me? I'm pretty neat! :cheesy )

Here's an assignment for you (should you choose to accept it!) :winky ...

How about doing something really nice for yourself today- buy some flowers for your kitchen table, take a bubble bath, go to a bookstore and read magazines you like, just something that makes you happy. As you get used to feeling relaxed and okay with who you are I think some of the shyness will fade. Because just from my getting to know you through the :bowl I think you're an intelligent, thoughtful person with a lot to offer and you shouldn't be afraid to let yourself shine! :stars

:love & :peace
:bunny

(I hope you don't think I'm this big bag of wind 'cause I keep leaving these huge replies! I'm usually too shy to offer more than a hug so this is a big stretch for me! :grin )

[Seabiscuit]

:hugon:stars:flower StarFlower :flower:stars:hugoff

Dear Starflower - (that is such a cool fishy name i think!) - i dont think you are obsessed - even though maybe it feels like it... does that make any sense?
I think that especially as females in society there is a lot more emphasis on beauty and looks and even just how to make it in the workplace and our gender roles and i think it has changed so much through the years - hon i dont think it is an obsession at all - actually that Obsession Cologne is for men! :cheesy
seriously now (putting on my serious face), i have been diagnosed with morbidity (lovely name isnt it) - which means i have aspects of OCD (and other mental illness like bipolar, depression) - but for me i find I obsess over things and it is really frustrating - but if you find that - honey its not your fault - and there is nothing wrong with it - if you think it is more than normal you could talk to a doc about ocd. but i really dont think that is it! i mean you should put yourself first in everything you do because you are the most important - it is good to be self conscious. My grandmother once made a very interesting comment to me - "youre not selfish, or self centered but you are self focused" - i guess meaning that i am grounded with myself before i can go forward in my life and i try to keep myself in check which is true and it helps but also i find the more i think about it the more frustrating it can get! argh! Oh well - i hope i have helped a lil!
take care hon - :love amyb