Father's day Grrrrr

[DeafGally]

Hey fishies-

well... I know everyone has a few days that are ED triggers and mine are just a few. Everyone talks about the bad relationships with their mothers, and I'm not lucky enough to get to gripe about it. She died. But fathers, well, I can join in there. Mine has never been an active part of my life(except before my mom died) and I met him for the first time since then this past January. He screamed and yelled and was really... just plain mean. I have never been more hurt in my life, but after a few hours I just shut down emotionally. I cry still, but I don't feel anything. This jerk really messed with my mom and now for some reason still has a hold on my thoughts. I always thought maybe if I was beatuiful then he would want to be my father. But I am wrong. I can't be what he wants me to be, because that would be dead. This father's day has been the hardest for me because I have been on a starve/eat a little/purge fest. I just don't know what to think anymore. Augh.. here is my soapbox upon which I've stood.
Love you all,
Amanda

[purple_tao]

:hugon Amanda :hugoff,

We kinda have the same (bad) relationships with our fathers. :ugh. Sucks, doesn't it!! And I'm a grown, married, mother-woman!!! It never changes....... at least not for me. My dad has the incredible knack of making me always feel like I'm not good enough. Mainly because he says it to my face. I tried doing things just to please him, but that wasn't good enough, either. So, at least I'm being REAL and ALIVE: me!! I'm trying to keep the attitude: like it or lump it, buddy :surprise !! But he's always rubbing my failures in my face; never notices the accomplishments......... what do we do, eh? Take them someplace and trade them in for a more loving, understanding model? What is this: la-la land????

Sorry to hear about your father situation. (and also about your mother). I'm not terribly close with mine, but I can't imagine life without her around.

Try to be gentle with yourself the rest of the evening and begin again tomorrow. If he really loves you, he'll love you for exactly what you are NOW!!! Never-minding the outside (which we all know changes constantly). YOU (Amanda) is on the inside, and that's whats most important. If he can't see that, then it's his loss :sarcasm !!
:love YOU ARE WORTHY!!!:love

See Ya!!
Toodles :vroom

[BulNiki]

Amanda

DON'T WORRY!!!!!!!!!

There are sooo many people today that have problems with their fathers. It is just almost common now. I know that it sucks.....and yes, I cried on Father's Day because I hate my father and wish I had a real one. He was very mean to me when I was little and beat me up and my mom and little brother too.....I just try to forget those bad memories and realize that I just don't need him in my life. I am doing just fine without him and can handle life without his abuse.

I hope you hang in there, I know it sucks, but you are doing just fine.

BulNiki

[Rarebloom]

I understand how Father's Day can be so difficult and triggering. I had a panick attck and felt really lost all day.
I guess my situation is a little different..I have a father with whom i had a wonderful relationship with,however he passed away due to cancer. It breaks my :love every day, but I will carry on his spirit because he was the best.
:butterfly :stars :butterfly :stars :butterfly

:flower Rarebloom :flower