talked to boyfriend about ed, he's angry

[clairstar]

I have never posted online before so this is a first but i am feeling kind of lost. I recently talked to my boyfriend about my ED because i just didn't know who to talk to, i knew i could turn to him. I didn't tell him for so long because he was so proud of me for loosing all my weight, in a healthy way he thought, i didn't want to betray him. So, i told him and now he is very angry with me. He doesn't know why i hid it for so long and he is angry because he said he was so proud of me and feels like i have lied to him. I just don't know what to tell him. I feel so bad about how this turned out but i can't change it either. I just know i want to get better.

[PLANEGIRL]

CLAIRSTAR-

First let me challenge you to think about what you really wanted from your boyfriend... did you want him to say it was Okay?? I know it is very hard to have someone that cares about you angry/sad/dissapointed in what you had to say but isnt that what was supposed to happen?? If he had said "Well, hell whatever it takes at least you lost weight" would that have been the answer you were looking for?

I hope not. He cares about you so of course he is upset. Tell him what he can do to help. Everyone who cares needs to know how or what they can do because feeling powerless is the worst feeling in the world. If you truly love him and want him in your life include him in your desire to recover.

[jelly]

:hugon Clairstar:hugoff
The first person I told- my best friend also reacted with anger. First off I was a bit jiggly about that- but then I thought - at least it's a reaction - and she reacted that way because she truly cares about me and she didn't know what to do- she felt powerless. I posted about it and someone answered that to them, anger is just an umbrella term/cover-up for other emotions- some people react with anger when they are scared (eg parents angry with their children for staying out late...) some people are angry when frustrated (when they want to do something but can't) and many people react with anger when they feel powerless or sad.
I understand that this is difficult for you but maybe it can also be an opportunity not to be 'scared off' by an emotion like anger- instead tell your BF you accept his feeling and that he is entitled to it - he will probably open up and tell you more about what's going on. I also like planegirls' idea of telling him what it is you need for him. Give him things to read about eds, and tell him what he can do so he won't feel so powerless and frustrated.
Keep us updated!
:love
jelly

[FadeAway]

:hugon Clair:star :hugoff

from someone who has been in your position i wanted to give you a massive hug and say it will be ok.
i too confided in my current boyfriend and he was really angry and upset at first. but what you need to realise sweetie is that he is not angry with you....but with the ED who has been hurting his girlfriend. He will need time to take it all in, but just be there, tell him your scared to.

I think most guys have problems talkin about ed's as they havent had much experience with them, they cant understand why someone who is so beautiful in their eyes is so persistant that they are not and goes to such extreem lengths to lose weight.

but you gotta dig deeper, its not just about the weight, it never is. let your boyfriend help you discover the root of your problem, make him a part of your recover..but above all keep strong and honest with him

finally well done you for reaching out, it is very scary, but extreemly brave

keep safe girl. x

[Millificent]

Congrats on telling your b/f :yay

You've gotten some really great responses about this. I especially like how Jelly put it:
she reacted that way because she truly cares about me and she didn't know what to do- she felt powerless. I posted about it and someone answered that to them, anger is just an umbrella term/cover-up for other emotions- some people react with anger when they are scared (eg parents angry with their children for staying out late...) some people are angry when frustrated (when they want to do something but can't) and many people react with anger when they feel powerless or sad.

I recommend giving your b/f this page to read:
What You Can (and Can't) Do

:dragon Millie

[purple_tao]

:gumby Clair:stars

We come from a similar background - I, too, lost a lot of weight from my ED. Hubby thought I did it the healthy way. :ummm Finally fessed up and told him my "secrets"...

Except ... my hubby reacted differently. He was very supportive.

And you just learned one of life's lessons - we cannot predict nor control another person's reaction.

Get together again with b/f and read the pages :dragon suggested. The two of you can battle this disease together. It's always better when you have RT support.

Do you have a therapist??

:peace

[l gal]

He is probably scared and worried.

If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't be upset.

Stay Strong and keep the communication lines open.

[clairstar]

I just wanted to thank everyone that replied to me. Everything everyone said touched and helped me. I hope I can be as helpful.
Thank you :)