Struggling fishie

[ilikejesus]

I'm feeling really lost in everything the last three days or so and I'm not sure why. Eating has not been going so well. Everytime I try to eat what would be a healthy amount, it freaks me out. I know I need to eat to stay healthy, though. Everything just feels so different. I try to be a teen and have fun while I can, but how do I know what it means to be a teen? I'm not used to being home on weekends with friends. I used to be gone on weekends all over the country at dance competitions. I'm feeling rather ambivalent about the entire recovery process right now but I know that in the end it will be so worth it to be recovered and not have to deal with the ED anymore.

Luckily the nightmares I had been having have stopped. I got rather tired of waking up scared out of my wits after the third night of them happening. I think just re-living everything I've been through has kept me so exhausted lately and that could be a big reason as to why i'm so tired and ambivalent with everything that I'm questioning.

I guess what I need is some hugs right now, and some extra support. I only have six more days until I get to see my school psych and that will be a big thing. I just need to keep telling myself that I really do need to just open to her and trust her even though it feels scary as hell to do that.

[Shuffleboard Queen]

:hugon ilikejesus :hugoff

I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting so badly- I can hear :ear the pain in your post. I want to assure you that recovery is worth it. No, life isn't perfect on the other side, but I would rather take the worst day of life without an ED than the best day of one with.

One thing you might want to ask yourself and talk to your psych about is whether your eating habits might have anything to do with your nightmares (ie: when you nourish yourself properly, they get worse). I dunno. I'm not an expert, but it's just something that crossed my mind.

Good :clover with your fight.

[ilikejesus]

:hugon Shuffleboard Queen :hugoff

Yeah, recovery is worth it in the long run... even though it seems really far away and really hard to acheieve from where I am right now.

I think i'm going to just open up to my psych with what I can handle talking about right now, but if I feel ok enough I will probably talk about if my eating habits might be realted to the nightmares at all, but I don't think they are.

Thanks for the good luck wishes....