new arrival

[irishgirlie]

hi, everyone, i am new to this , where do i start, i am feeling very down beacsue there doesn't seem to be any hope for me, i have been bulimic for such along time now, it seems to be a big part of who i am , i have been this way all my adult life and as much as i want to change and many times i've had serious health scares i think something inside of me is broken, i can't function daily i'm obsessed and depressed all the time I hate everything about me not just size but everything, what am i going to do? how do i end this stupid, cycle for once and for all.
its so difficult, i think sometimes i'll just give up, maybe its meant to be, maybe its God's plan that I am not supposed to survive this thing that consumes me.
i don't know, i just don't seem to care anymore, i still get frightened when i think about what i'm doing to my self, even when i'm swallowing my ******** laxatives for today i worry about whether this will kill me but it seems my mind has no control, my arm works without me doing anything, i used to think i was in control, but now i see that some where inside of me i am dying and this stupid illness is replacing who i should be. none of this makes sense does it?

[pag]

:hugon Irishgirlie :hugoff

A big hug for you. Your post makes perfect sense to me. I can totally relate. I to have been bulimic for years but there is hope. I would strongly recommend a therapist if you don't already see soemone. You are not broken, your sick like the rest of us. Try not to be so hard on yourself. God don't make junk and I'm sure that hurting yourself is not his will for you. Coming to these boards is a step in the right direction. Keep sharing, you will get the support you need here. I will now take my own advise and start posting instead of lurking around. I'm glad your here, take care.

Pag

[jnp]

Irishgirlie,

Another hug for you. You sound really depressed. I've been down there before. I'm finally beating this nasty thing, so yes, there IS HOPE. What makes you hate yourself? That's where you have to begin your battle. You are going to have to dig inside yourself to find out how you got this far down. Where did it all begin to go wrong. You have choices here. It's not God's choice or fault. It's YOUR choice, but not necessarily all your fault. You have to choose to get happier and healthier. That takes WORK. And sometimes it's painful work. Start peeling off the layers of hate and find that woman in there that you can love again. If you need help (I think it's mandatory) get a good therapist you can relate to. Having someone real to talk to is VERY important. Be honest to yourself for yourself. Good luck.

JNP