is it wrong of me?

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon :bowl :hugoffever since the ED started when i was around thirteen or so and since then, i've been mad at god. my mom and sister(who are both very religious) get mad at me for it and make me feel like i'm being bad or sinning or something cause i'm having problems believeing that god's there and that since he loves me, he'd let this happen. is that wrong of me? to be mad at god?

i've noticed in the :bowl, lots of :fishys always say god is there for you or with you ot they have a quote from the bible and that almost makes me feel worse cause it makes me think that i am wrong for having issues with god. does anyone else feel the same way? :ugh

[VerboseMermaid]

:hugon Christy :hugoff

You are definitely not alone in this! I've spent a lifetime questioning God's existence, and I'm not any closer to finding an answer now. :ugh

For me, spirituality has always worked much better than religion, and even though I'm looking into different religions that are based more on spirituality than god-worship, I'm still not sure whether it'll work for me.

So, the bottom line is that you believe or disbelieve whatever works for you. Some people's faith in God is what gets them through; others, like me, are trying to find strength from alternate sources.

[SweetBerry]

Christy,

I understand where you're coming from. It's tough to believe that God would put us through this much pain. But then again, who's helping us get through it? I'm debating this right now. I feel lost, like I'm wrong for not believing, yet I don't know what to believe in. When things get tough, I feel like there is not a God by my side. But then I realize that without someone guiding me through this, things would never get better. Keep believing in whatever you believe. Don't let others tell you what you should and shouldn't believe. Explore and find out exactly what is right for you. Sorry, I'm rambling on here... Take care,

[silly]

:hugon christy :hugoff

i've had feelings of... does god exist and when i'm reading the bible or listening to someone speak i have to force myself to listen. i think it's in the back of everyones mind. we don't really know for sure what's out there. i guess you just have to have faith and if you don't have it yet or if it's slipping away don't feel bad. you're just not ready yet. you will find something that makes sense to you. that's what i think.. that's what i hope. i'm out looking again. who knows what will happen.

:canada silly :canada

[Starflower]

OK - I'm fairly new at this and I feel like I come out preachy alot of the time, so as a disclaimer I'm just going to say that this is how I feel and please don't take offence. .

I DON'T think you are wrong to be angry with God. In fact - it's probably very healthy to be angry with God.

My perspective is that I was abused. And for a long long time I was like - there's no way he was there. How could he let this happen? Why am I so unhappy? Why isn't God rescuing me from the suffering? Why won't he help me with my ed?

I was mad at him, disappointed, confused. And the worst time was when I wasn't admitting it.

I found it easier to deal with when I told God, when I directed those questions at him. For some reason I always believe he is there, just occasionally further away from me (I'm further away from him).

And I learnt it was OK to be mad. He encouraged it. He understood what pain I was feeling. He understood that I was mad at him because he hadn't protected me from stuff.

I'm sure somewhere in the bible there is a verse that translates very vaguely to "It's OK to be angry - if you are anrgy about the right things. If you are angry about the things that God is angry about" And as long as hurtful actions to others dont' evolve from that anger.

See - you seem to be saying you are angry that God isn;t helping you out with the ed. Because you deserve better. And you aren't fulfilling yourself and your destiny. And that's exactly what you should be angry it. And at the moment, that anger is directed at God. Even though it seems like you also know it might not be his "fault" as such.

Sometimes you do blame people for stuff thats not their fault. God is a better target than blaming real life people. He'll also take you back any time. . :happy

For me, with time and talking came a realisation that God had been there for me throughout even the hardest and loneliest times of my life. I had a sudden revelation that even when I was abused God was there for me. And he cried for me when I couldn't cry and he watched, and even though he didn't like what was happening, he couldn't stop it, because it was meant to happen. And human nature is to sin.

In the end, God has a plan for you - and I really believe that. I think having an ed is a terrible thing to go through. But with anger you can get fed up - and you can fight the ed :edbgone and turn your anger against it.

And you will come out of this stronger. And wiser.

I don't know how much all this helped. It turned into a bit of a testimony, when all I really wanted to say was - I don't think God is upset that you are angry with him, although he's upset you're upset. And I don't think it would be healthy for you to try and bury that anger - but rather let it free by expressing it.

You are right that you deserve more than this.

:love :love :love


I think there is always doubt about God, without doubt we wouldn't need to have faith. And working through your doubt can often strengthen the faith you do have.

I hope all this helps
:stars:flower

[tessi]

I heard once that all of our troubles and harships are first sifted through God's hands, so there is nothing that we cannot handle. During particularly difficult times, I found myself more and more dependent on God, for strength to see me through.

I sure don't think it is wrong to question our faith or wonder what God is up to...sometimes things seem overwhelmingly painful. I will see if I can find the poem, Footsteps for you...it seems to help me during the times when I feel far from God.

Until then, you are in my prayers...
Tessi

[butterflymom]

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the way you are feeling! It is actually a very normal and very healthy part of spiritual growth. We don;t ever grow or learn if we don;t doubt and question - it is the same with God. Yes, she is always there for you, even when you are mad at her or doubt her existence. One thing I heard along the way that made a huge difference for me in my spiritual growth as well as my ed recovery is that you can never fully appreciate having something or being something until you have lost it or not been it. What this means to me in terms of my spirituality is that I can truly appreciate God's influence and presence in my life because I know what it is to not believe in God and know how different my life is now. I sure hope this makes sense! In any event, don't ever feel bad for the way you feel! Denying your anger will just make you feel more angry. Have faith and God will be there for you!
:peace

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon heather :hugoff:hugon sweetberry :hugoff:hugon silly :hugoff:hugon :stars:flower :hugoff:hugon tessi :hugoff:hugon butterflymom:hugoff thanks so much for your words, prays and understanding :touched it's great to know that other :fishys have/are going through the same thing :love

[LolaApple]

:hugon Buttercup_fairie :hugoff

Wow, I totally relate to what you're feeling. I used to consider myself a fairly religious person, I did my bible studies compulsively every night (I actually read the bible straight through three times in about five years). But as I slipped deeper and deeper into my ED I began to wonder, where the hell has God been? Have I just not been listening? Has He been ignoring ME? Or is there really no God at all? Who the hell is he to judge me, where was he when my childhood hit those nasty patches?

It makes me a bit guilty, since I went from being very religious, to agnostic, to well, nothing. It's difficult, because my sister is studying for her Masters of Divinity, and my mother and grandmother have recently become religious again. I'm the family outlaw, the dark souled heathen residing in our residence of saints. It's a bit disconcerting at time.

I used to long for having that relationship with God and Christ, like I felt I used to have. I was jealous of those who could believe. Because I was so faded I just couldn't believe. I still don't really believe, but I've begun exploring my spirituality a little bit more now, slowly, and carefully.

I don't think you should feel bad about how you feel, I think it's natural, and you probably have your own issues to work out with God, or even if your ready to accept the idea of God, and how you feel he might have failed you. Be gentle with yourself :love

Take care of yourself

:bluefishy LolaApple :bluefishy

[tessi]

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the
Low periods of my life
When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, "You promised me, Lord,
That if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
There have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most,
You have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
Is when I carried you."


Written in **************** by Mary Stevenson