Mana
02-18-2003, 04:34 PM
I already posted this poem a while ago but I was looking over them and I am really relating to it again so I thought I'd put it here....
All I pray...
I feel like I'm dying inside.
Like my sould is sick and can not abide.
I want to cut to let it out.
Like a blood-letting to get a sickness out.
A smashing feeling running over my soul,
Has left me despairing, dismal, and cold.
A raw nerve ending exposed to nature,
Who harshly plays with it's hurting creature.
And endless dying that can't be reached.
Though the soul tries fleeting and a god beseeched,
To stop the torture with no bounds;
So insanity, reality, or peace may abound.
But what is insanity, but a reality too intense.
Although, it only bothers those wise enough to see it's sense.
Ignorance leads fools to peace and trivial upsettings.
Genius gives eyes to see the world's missettings,
And hurts with endless ache, as arthritis in the heart,
By a life full of compassion for wrongs in all parts
All I pray...
Is that I learn the wisdom to make the hurting go away.
:stars This is another of my poems. The purpose of this one wasn't to say I want to die it's saying that living with an ED is to know what it feels like to die a little bit every day....
So "This is what it feels like"...
Everyday I wake up as tired as the day before and
as I slowly get up, in the cold cruel mirror I stare.
I get ready for the day a little more light headed than before.
I skip breakfast or perhaps half a cup of cereal with skim milk today.
Next I go walking for a mile or two or four.
I come home and collapse my heart racing harder than before.
Then I get a piece of bread and perhaps a piece of ham the grand total for the day.
So I walk to work making me black out more than before.
At work my hands and fingers are numb and tingling same as the day before.
My day is done time to go home tired as can be.
Skip dinner, undress in front of the mirror and inspect all
The flaws again, do another bunch of situps, same as before.
Crawl into bed as I'm writing this now my hands tremblinging more than just before.
My stomach's churning, my throat's burning, and I
Can't do anything at all.
And as I lay here I think over in my head
Of how much more weight I can loose before...
And as I lay here and think of what they've said
I think...
"This is what it feels like to die."
(perhaps just a little bit more than before.)
:stars This isn't supposed to be my exact experience or anything just in general...and reading this makes me realize that I am surely slowly killing myself and if I take the time to watch the signs I will realize it...at least for that moment...
All I pray...
I feel like I'm dying inside.
Like my sould is sick and can not abide.
I want to cut to let it out.
Like a blood-letting to get a sickness out.
A smashing feeling running over my soul,
Has left me despairing, dismal, and cold.
A raw nerve ending exposed to nature,
Who harshly plays with it's hurting creature.
And endless dying that can't be reached.
Though the soul tries fleeting and a god beseeched,
To stop the torture with no bounds;
So insanity, reality, or peace may abound.
But what is insanity, but a reality too intense.
Although, it only bothers those wise enough to see it's sense.
Ignorance leads fools to peace and trivial upsettings.
Genius gives eyes to see the world's missettings,
And hurts with endless ache, as arthritis in the heart,
By a life full of compassion for wrongs in all parts
All I pray...
Is that I learn the wisdom to make the hurting go away.
:stars This is another of my poems. The purpose of this one wasn't to say I want to die it's saying that living with an ED is to know what it feels like to die a little bit every day....
So "This is what it feels like"...
Everyday I wake up as tired as the day before and
as I slowly get up, in the cold cruel mirror I stare.
I get ready for the day a little more light headed than before.
I skip breakfast or perhaps half a cup of cereal with skim milk today.
Next I go walking for a mile or two or four.
I come home and collapse my heart racing harder than before.
Then I get a piece of bread and perhaps a piece of ham the grand total for the day.
So I walk to work making me black out more than before.
At work my hands and fingers are numb and tingling same as the day before.
My day is done time to go home tired as can be.
Skip dinner, undress in front of the mirror and inspect all
The flaws again, do another bunch of situps, same as before.
Crawl into bed as I'm writing this now my hands tremblinging more than just before.
My stomach's churning, my throat's burning, and I
Can't do anything at all.
And as I lay here I think over in my head
Of how much more weight I can loose before...
And as I lay here and think of what they've said
I think...
"This is what it feels like to die."
(perhaps just a little bit more than before.)
:stars This isn't supposed to be my exact experience or anything just in general...and reading this makes me realize that I am surely slowly killing myself and if I take the time to watch the signs I will realize it...at least for that moment...