Fuck I only have this voice..a rant OR a poem?

[manifold]

:trigger :trigger (graphic, confronting, turn back if going to be affected in anyway, I AM SAFE just :reallymad)

do you have to touch the tears
to know that i am crying
do bloodshot eyes and teardrops
prove that this is real
do i have to scream much louder
so you know that i am angry
do i need to lose more weight
to show that i'm not healing
do you think i'm only suicidal
when i admit myself inpatient
did i need to take an overdose
just to keep your interest
do you believe how much this hurts
or do you blindly listen
do i need to visably tremble
for you to see my state of anxiety
do you need to see the scars
to see my desperation
do i need to starve to death
to prove i have an illness

FUCK
I ONLY HAVE THIS VOICE
OF COLD EMOTIONLESS TONES
I CAN'T BEAR TO SHOW IT TO YOU
OR WHAT ITS LIKE WHEN I'M ALONE
AND I FEEL YOU DON'T BELIEVE
THE WORDS I STRUGGLE HARD TO SAY
AND I THINK YOU THINK MY ACTIONS
ARE JUST THINGS TO FILL MY DAY
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS TOO FAMILIAR NOW
THAT YOU ONLY FEIGN TO CARE
AND YOU THINK I BUILD THESE CROSSES
SO I HAVE A LOAD TO BEAR
BUT MY ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOURS
HURT AS MUCH AS THE FIRST TIME
THE PAIN MIGHT BE FAMILIAR
BUT THE SCREAMING DOES NOT RHYME
EACH DAY THE TORTURE HAPPENS
I LOSE A PART OF ME
BUT YOUR ACQUIESCIENT EYES
CAN NO LONGER REALLY SEE


:sad mani

[Kdestiny]

:gimmehug :love Mani :love :gimmehug

I'm so sorry that you don't feel anyone is listening, or at least - understanding. Yet, you express yourself so well, and you have such a wonderful voice that you deserve the chance to be heard, and to be understood.

I'm sorry honey!

[clown]

I really feel your pain and you so beautifully conveyed it in poem form. Thank you for sharing a bit of what you are going through. May you find hope and recovery in your search.
clown:butterfly