"I Lost"

[LilThought]

“I Lost”

i lost my body;
gone astray into an aimless
monstrosity—
far from life as life could be,
free from frenzy and fury—
my flawed existence dismantled;
for just one moment
i knew i existed
somewhere that wasn’t false—
inside this shadow that gripped my innocence
by too many propagandas;
me and my unfaithful companion.

everything was put on hold,
detained, halted, immobilized;
the world stopped spinning,
time fell away—cast into oblivion
by my tongue’s abusive temperament;
a dream of hopeless silence,
a stillness locked within the gates
of broken gestures and amended emotions;
a place no one understands why i seize,
how it captivates all i am through
the cleansing of my innate defects,
my wrongs, my afflictions from birth;

i’d escaped; abandoned reality
for what it’s worth;
became fugitive to
something far greater than
flesh and blood;
then the lights went out and
i could still see
beyond the tainted embodiment
of my own curves—the definition
of my skin, the side of my face,
the length of my chest,
nothing is weighed or measured.

i’m walking on air—
my feet are fearless and unafraid,
they tread wherever i fall,
into desert storms and sand dunes,
into plagues and infectious fevers,
consuming me from within a shattered castle,
and i cry for more fervor than this,
i yearn for more numbness than this,
it’s too easy to be superhuman when
i’m wordlessly aghast, petrified, mortified,
injured by my own resolve—when i sought out to perfect;

i lost more than my body.

JLM

[ESB]

aHH, the unatainable quest for perfection. This quest leads to dismay and uncertainty for we thought we had the answer. Nope! It sucks. The "fountain of youth" will stop too many in their tracks.

It will leave us to wander aimlessy without emotion and without a body to speak our minds.

Your poem is a more than adequete description of Anorexia. At least, to me it spoke. I understood and I was able to relate to myself in my more empty days. I still have empty days, but not as frequently.