Manipulation/victimization

[Pella]

:hugonHello wonderful fishies:fishy:hugoff
This probably isn't going to come across as a very "repliable" post. I guess I'm just looking for understanding?
The first half of my day at work today was wonderful. A manager's staff retreat in the woods. Lots of team building exercises, catching up within the organization and just plain old FUN! But.....the event was entirely overshadowed by the fact that I had to face something I was dreading towards the end of my work day.

I had the unpleasant task of dealing with an employee who is "unfit" mentally to work right now. This is a person who doesn't care about the money.....but loves their job and that's where the meaning comes in for them. So to suspend this person from work was not going to be an easy chore. But in his best interests and other clients......it had to be done. The reasons are complex, just trust me. And hopefully, it's just a temporary measure.

After the decision was voiced on my side, the person began to verbally slander me and it wasn't a pretty thing. I had to keep reminding myself.....this person is mentally unstable right now and just doesn't see it! I found myself reverting to my old ways of thinking and feeling. My self-esteem just took a nose-dive! Somewhere in my head a little voice was saying, "Do not let this man/situation control and manipulate you!" I was really struggling to let go of that victimized feeling.

Just when I think I've arrived (Ha!) I find there's so much more to learn about this self-esteem gig.
Time, experience, practice....Lessons, lessons, lessons!!!! :surprise
Love beth :sun:love

[silly]

what a situation. i'm happy that you stood strong. way ta go!! there are lessons in everything we do and i know that must have been a learning experience. lots of love and support to you!!

take care

:canada silly :canada

[Garth]

Dear Beth ,

It get the impression that while you handled it the best you could . . . . and you knew what was happening . . . . it was hard for your heart to hear . Slander of any sorts . . . whether towards us or from us . . . or even witnessing it . . . . is sad indeed . . . and painful for our souls .
It seems for every place we get comfortable with . . . there is always someone/something that shows we never stop growing . . . . there's always more room in our heart . . . lots of room . . . . more than our minds could ever comprehend .
How do you feel Beth ? Though of course there is a part of me that wishes I could make it better for you . . . in my heart I know I cannot . I can however listen without judgement . . . feel without expectation . . . . be without doing . You are welcome to write to me if you are moved to do so .
This life is truly a never ending journey for first breath to last . I'm glad our path's have crossed Beth , even if but for a brief moment in time .

:love Garth :sun

[Pella]

:hugonSilly:hugoff
What you and Garth have just shown me is there truly is a lesson in all this-----but can I see it just now? Can I accept it?
Thanks for your reply and support :happy
Love beth :sun

:hugonGarth:hugoff
As I was reading your reply....somethings came together for me. Intellectually, I understand what happened. But like you implied, my heart and soul have been wounded. When you said, "Slander of any sorts....whether towards us or from us....is painful for our souls..." and then you asked me,"How do you feel Beth?"
I have to be honest and say.....just horrible. But there's a sadness towards the other person too. I prayed for him this morning. And I prayed that I could see this whole situation differently. Like the lesson it's intended to be.

I've never been the "leader" or manager type. I kind of fell into this position and as a result have been thrust into some managerial type decisions that have been difficult. But, I have to admit it has built up more of a "backbone" in me, and taught me some valuable skills and it does get easier with each difficult situation. thanks for your understanding words :hugonGarth:hugoff because you really helped me to stand back and see that's it's okay to hurt and this is probably the "work" you often hear about in building self-esteem? As usual, I just wished I had the perspective of "further on down the road" to accept this easier now!
Love beth :sun:love