External validation

[RainbowGirl]

help.

i am not thin. and that scares me.

A guy i used to date always told me not to care so much about what other people think, that i rely too much on external validation.

But i am not entirely convinced. Isn't what everyone else says and thinks important??

people used to tell me i was thin. now they don't. i miss it. i'm selfish and horrible. why don't they still think i'm thin? cause i'm not. well my mom says i am. i don't know. i miss it. arghh. i'm scared fishies. and dammit, i DON"T WANT TO CARE ABOUT THIS!!! but i still do

[dramadiva]

:hugonrainbowgirl:hugoff

What other people think is not important. Everyone has an opinion, you just have to decide whether to listen to them or not. Listen to people like your mom who love you. I know that we are human beings, and that we have the need to be accepted. Just because people don't say you are thin anymore doesn't mean you're not. They have probably come to know you so well that they don't pay attention to what you physically look like. It takes time to heal from what other people think and say, but you will recover. Look for the beauty on the inside of you. Remember, one day beauty, thiness, and youngness fades, but you are still you. Your soul is where the true beauty lies. We are here for you. Take care of yourself!

[PeanutDuck]

Dear RainbowGirl,

There is a difference between "everyone is entitled to their own opinion" and believing that everyone's opinion of you is important. YOUR opinion of you is most important. Like dramadiva said, if you must listen to others' opinion, let it be those who KNOW and LOVE you just the way you are. B/c they will also be able to see when you are not being true to yourself.

When people have an opinion, it reflects their own way of thinking, their upbringing, standards, ideas, which more often than not, will not coincide with your beliefs.

It's like when someone says, "It's too hot" but I don't think it's hot. Two different opinions on the same thing.

When you say you want other people to say you are thin....that reflects that you are relating your weight etc. to how YOU are as a person. You are equating weight to everything about you, including beauty.

This is the whole power of the ED.

However, you are NOT your weight, and beauty has very little (in my humble opinion) to do with a person's size--when a person feels good about themselves and has a good outlook on life, it shows and THAT is true beauty to me. Seriously.

What is thin? What does that MEAN? What is thin enough? WHY is that everything about you?

Healthy is beautiful. And that's a scary concept. Don't you find "non-thin" people beautfiul? Why? Don't you deserve to find yourself, your true inner workings, beautiful as well?

None of this is easy. I still remember in fifth grade when a friend's brothers used to call me spaghetti girl. And even then I thought I was too fat. Irony.

You will find your true beauty one day. The time between is scary b/c in recovery you have to learn to let go of all your old conceptions of beauty and realize that YOU do matter, your opinion of yourself does matter, and you deserve great things. You WILL do this. You CAN beat Mr. ED!

Good luck!

squishy fishy hugs,
peanut

[silly]

rainbow girl

hey i know what you mean when you say you miss people saying that you are thin. i'm going through that right now. i'm really irratated that no one says anything. when they did i hated hearing it and now i'm freaked cuz they don't. oh well i wish i knew what to say to you. i guess all i can say is i know your pain. keep strong and take care

:canada silly :canada