What Did You Do Today?

[Kensington]

This thread is inspired by Farmgirl's "Dr. Phil" thread. We are trying to be motivated together to get back into exercising.

I would like this thread to be for posting when you do something good for yourself, whatever it is. Something to help you along in recovery.

Farmgirl bought a yoga tape & used it this morning. I am about to go to the doctor's to get a med check for my Paxil. That is the good thing I am doing today. And when I get back, I intend to plug in ye olde treadmill & move my (_(_).

So anyone who wants to join in, tell us: What Did You Do Today?

[zorkwhat]

Good idea!
Today I am taking myself and my son to visit a friend that i have been lonely for, but isolating from. it is a hot day and a gross subway ride with a stroller, but i am tired of not feeling worthy of my friends because of my various disorders. i want to treat myself better.

thanks for starting this.

[Kensington]

What did I do today?

:funky I went to my doctor & we discussed my meds. She is upping my Paxil from twenty mg to thirty in the hopes that will kick me into doing even better than I already am doing, so I'm psyched about this.

:funky I went to the grocery store & bought some healthy foods, not rabbit food either, stuff that's tasty. I avoided the binge food aisles alltogether. I feel energized from eating well today.

Hey Laura (farmgirl), I didn't hit the treadmill today but I will tomorrow & will post when I have done so. How is the yoga going? I have been interested in that for a long time, it looks like it's very beneficial on many levels. Let me know how it's going.

[farmgirl]

:hugonZorkwhat:hugoff
I bet your friend was thrilled to see you - I understand how hard it is to maintain contact with friends when one is feeling 'disordered'. I'm sure your friend loves you just the way you are, and I hope you had a good visit!

Hey, :hugonKensy:hugoff

I got up and did the a.m. yoga tape this morning. I don't think I'll have a problem getting up twenty minutes early to do this. It was really energizing, and Rodney Yee is F*I*N*E. . . :sly

This afternoon, I went for a nearly thirty minute walk. I walked away from the house for fifteen minutes, but I must've walked faster on the way back or something, because it was just under thirty minutes total. I have to tell you the truth, too, Kensy. I didn't want to go on a walk - I really didn't, but I also knew I was going to come here and post about this, and I didn't want to come back and say that I didn't make time for a walk.

I also prepared two of the trigger foods I have in my house, and gave them away to people that don't have problems with them.

I still have the p.m. yoga to do tonight - it's Patricia Walden - I have another yoga tape of hers, and I know that her guidance is really helpful for me. This one is about releasing the stresses of the day - I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm so glad to hear that you talked to your doc. I'm glad you did the shopping too, Hey! I did some shopping too - I got some nori sheets (the green stuff that goes around the outside of sushi), miso, tofu and furikake (seaweed rice sprinkles). Hubby is part Asian (also F*I*N*E :sly) and introduced me to these foods about ten years ago - I am currently reading a book called Sacred Kitchen, and decided to change some of my eating for the better.

Oh, and as far as yoga's benefits, Simone on the spirituality board is going to be a great yoga instructor - she is a wealth of information and can tell you about books that relate to the underlying philosophies that correlate with the poses - FYI.

I don't want to dog your (_)_) Kensy, but we both know you'll feel better when you get that exercise we talked about. I'm not your mama, but I will hold you accountable (and I hope you'll do the same for me!) - you are too wonderful a person to waste!!!

Love and hugs,
-Laura

[Kensington]

Laura, I admit I am motivated by this thread, too. Tomorrow is Get My (_(_) back on the treadmill day & I'm actually looking forward to it. Hell, if I don't, someone's gonna make me sleep in the Chicken Palace :peep

Zorkwhat, good deal on getting out & visiting your friend! How did it go?

Looking forward to tomorrow. :sun

[zorkwhat]

hey there,

:hugon kensington :hugoff
i encourage you to get on that treadmill, even for ten minutes. play some cool music

:hugon farmgirl :hugoff
i am inspired by you to try some sort of yoga or meditation.....uh but not today

as for me the visit with the friend was great once i got there. she is very loving and wonderful. unfortunately before i went i ate this granola bar with ephedra in it, which must have mixed with my medications and i frigging threw up (involuntarily) throughout the whole visit. that shit is poison. should be banned. :ugh

As for today i am going to print up some resumes and look for a danged job. also i am permenently eliminating ephedra (ma huang) from my diet.

love to you all

[farmgirl]

:hugonKensy:hugoff
Actually, you only GET to sleep in the chicken palace if you follow through with plans - consider it an honor!!

:hugonZorkwhat:hugoff
I'm sorry to hear that you were feeling so bad. I hope you're better now. A lot of the 'natural' extracts can really have powerful effects - sounds like getting rid of the MaHuang is a good idea for you.

I did my am yoga this morning, then brought in a batch of muffins for all my co-workers. I'm using up all the muffin mixes and stuff in my house - from now on, I want to stock whole-grains in the house, so I'm 'using up' all the white flour & sugar stuff. . .

Later, tater!
-Laura

[emarie]

That's so funny, Laura, I did my AM yoga tape this morning!!!

I like the guy better than the PM lady by far.

:supergrin

[farmgirl]

I like them both just fine - some of the am seems a little fast to me, like the poses aren't held very long. It's only the second day - maybe it's just taking me a while to get into some of the poses. I'll do better with time, I'm sure.

[farmgirl]

Well, this morning I did the am yoga, and I'll do the pm tonight. I didn't walk today, and that doesn't really surprise me. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I teach a class at the college right after work - I work straight through all day, leave my office, walk to the classroom and jump right into that. So, I'm not surprised that I didn't walk today. Next Monday and Wednesday are the last two classes, but I've turned down teaching offers for next semester. I want to have more focus on taking care of my health, so I've decided to simplify my general routine and decrease the amount of obligation in my life.

I could put my shoes on and go outside and walk right now to get it done. Bedtime is an hour away, it's raining pretty steady, I still have the yoga, and I just don't want to. I will walk tomorrow, and through the rest of the week. I feel a little guilty, perhaps let down, but I have had a long and rigorous day, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

So, how is everyone else doing?

Love,
Laura

[Kensington]

Hey all,

I strained my neck & my doctor gave me some pain medicine for it but so far it's not working. I did not work out today becuz the pain is getting to me bad. I'm doing neck exercises in order to get better fast. I have not forgotten the treadmill, but today was impossible. Neck pain sucks, in case you're wondering.

Otherwise tho, I did do well today. I ate healthy, no binge foods, no poor food choices. I feel like I've turned over a new leaf, even if I haven't been able to start exercising yet.

[fierce]

today i ran around crazy getting stuff ready for festival day at camp.

no exercise. but tomorrow i'm going swimming.

[farmgirl]

Not a good day as far as exercise accountability is concerned . . . woke up late, missed am yoga. Worked through my break at work - no exercise. I DID join a support group after work, so I'll be meeting with a group of women every Thurs. after work - this IS a good thing.

Got home from that, feeling truly exhausted. I just wanna go to bed. No walk, no yoga, no nothin'.

Sigh . . .

-Laura

[Kensington]

I want this thread to be about more than exercising. I want it to be for naming anything positive we did in our lives that is recovery oriented. So no "sighs" Laura! Yeah you! You are doing great so far, give yourself credit.

Fierce, swimming sounds great! It's so hot here, wish I could join you.

Erin, you do yoga? Awesome, I'd love to start that.

I did not do the treadmill today as my neck is still out of whack. I did eat healthy today. I went to a meeting for a group I'm part of & they served brownies & cookies. I had a few cookies & walked away without that dreaded "must .... have .... more" feeling, which to be honest I just now realized!! Wow, so THIS is recovery! :yay I love these moments where all of the sudden I go "Hey, it's becoming normal behavior & I didn't even notice it!"

Also, I was somewhat nervous at this meeting, due to my lack of social skills being practiced for quite some time, but I stuck with it & eventually felt calm & stayed til the end of the meeting.

[jadefox]

I've had an awful week, but I'm going to do good things tonight. I don't mean good things that make up for binges, I mean good things that make me feel better about myself and help my body and just... good things.

I ate a fairly normal amount today, but I was thinking about dieting then I ate this huge dessert and so it was still messed up. Because I wasn't comfortable with it, and I was thinking about how awful I looked, and so...

Tonight, I'm going for a run. This isn't because I think I have to to "look good" but because I was exercising regularly until I went out of town last week, and feeling great about myself, and I haven't done it in eight days, and I feel sluggish. So I want to feel better, and as much as I think it will make me puke, I'm doing it anyway.

And tomorrow, I'm going to be gentler with myself. I had a bingey week because I was gone and so I need to ease myself back down. I need to be nice to myself. I need to get readjusted here. I need to calm down.

Everyone that's posted to this thread is doing such a great job. I'm proud of all of ya.

:Bethe :nose

[farmgirl]

Went for a nice walk with hubby out in the cool air this evening. A stroll, not a fitness sort of thing, but a bit over a mile, and it was good to just get out and get the fresh air. I also got some sleep this morning - we had to get up and take his car in for some work. Took a nap after that and caught up on rest - this is something I have a hard time with sometimes, so I just eat 'for energy'. The sleep was a better choice.

I'm not doing the yoga for a couple days. I'm close to the beginning of a provera-induced menstrual cycle, and I feel so bloated and sore, that yoga feels like too much.

Hope y'all are doing OK

-Laura

[zorkwhat]

kensington i hope your neck is better

jadefox good luck on recovering from your slip.


i, too just had a slip the day after visiting my friend, hmmm. anyhow. i am back on track and went to a baby shower tonight where there was lots of love.

i like this thread

[Green Triangle]

hey, I like this thread, too ;-)

And yes, exercising does not equal recovery. I used to waste time, hopes and money (of course) on The Ultimate Life-Saving Life-Changing Exercise Plan. Need I mention that it always was an almost militariliy strict plan? And of course, I was the one to blame when it didn't work out. And of course, it never did in the long run.

I have found exercise groups for overweight women in the two cities I lived before. They were both excellent and I learned a lot about GENTLE exercise. However, I used the first to lose weight and the second one simply for pleasure (five years of slow learning in between). Now I have moved and haven't found a new group yet. So what I am doing now is this:

I go for a swim once a week. ( my personal military instructor shouts: hey, you should go three times a week, but I tell him: I ended up going twice and felt bad as I didn't go three times. So I rather go once and simply enjoy it. I also bought some extra haircare and skincare to indulge myself after swimming. What a smell. What a treat.)

I also have trouble walking. The military instructor shouts: Its your fault. You 're so heavy. And if you refuse to diet, you should at least exercice every day! Well, I don't. But I have started massaging my feet very carefully in the evenings, and again, this feels like a treat. I also found an extra nice doctor who treats me very kindly. I especially like the way he touches my feet. He is very gentle. Like probably most of you, I have had some really rough doctors in the past.

TODAY I felt like moving. I normally go for a walk then, but at the moment, that's too painful. So I decided to do some GENTLE exercise. My military instructor said: Well, finally, girl! And don't forget to do ALL the exercises: the ones for the back, the ones for the legs, the ones for your tummy, the ones for your bum. But I CHOSE to do the ones for leg and tummy only. And hey, I can still do more next time.

It's not about doing the MEGA programme now, it's about doing a little bit now and then doing it again SOON. One of my instructors always said: Hey, doesn't it feel good to move. I first thought she was joking. Me? Moving? Good? But now I know what she meant. So, fishies, go and look for the feel-good-exercise. And not for the damn-I-really-should-exercise.

Hilde

[farmgirl]

Er, I wasn't striving to be militant, lose weight or 'get fit' - I know that when I exercise regularly, my depression lifts. Unfortunately, when I'm depressed, it's hard to pull out of it to exercise.

I didn't mean to imply that I or anyone else 'should' exercise. In a prior post, I had mentioned exercise as an activity for which I could use some accountability.

-Laura

[Kensington]

After several days of neck exercises & hot water showerheads directed at it, my neck is finally halfway normal! So tomorrow, I plug the monster in & go for a walk! I am actually looking forward to the treadmill.

I had a good weekend. Ate healthy & finally broke out some lavender soap my brother gave me for X-mas. Turns out it smells FABULOUS & I sit around sniffing myself. :nose :yay I feel pampered from using it. I also bought a couple of cheapie tshirts at Target & you know how good it feels to wear new clothes, so all in all, it's been a stylin' weekend.

Hilde, I must say I'm glad not to have General Workout watching over me! :winky I understand what you mean about doing what you can for now.

I am getting back into working out for many reasons. One is it makes me feel better. I feel revived & I don't get so tired. Also my body needs it & I have abused my body for long enuf. And as I am getting back into getting to a healthier weight, this will help. It feels a lot better to approach this as "good for me for many reasons" rather than "must ..... walk .... off .... weight".

That's it for now, will report back in tomorrow!

Hope everyone knows they are welcome to join in this thread. It's about posting what you did that's good for your recovery. You don't have to post daily. Post whenever you like & we can support each other.

:bandwagon

[new me]

Hi everyone,
this is a great thread. Today I'm going to eat a healthy breakfast and I am going to take a walk with my neice and nephew(I'm babysitting today). By the way, walking does help lift depression........It is very hard to get motivated when you feel like crap though. Enjoy the day!:singing
:love New Me

[Green Triangle]

Oh, Laura, I didn't mean you (or anyone else) when I was talking about the military instructor. What I meant is this:

For a very long I time I didn't enjoy moving at all, but I felt that I SHOULD exercise (because I felt it was my "duty" to so and there was an inner voice shouting in a military style: Go, girl, get up and do some exercise. And do a lot of it!). And only lately have I discovered that exercise is something that I can enjoy and something that makes me feel good :star

Kensington, I am glad you understand and I am curious about your report from the threadmill!

I have a suggestion:
Let's start talking about the :star joys of exercise :star :

* Which kind of exercise do you prefer?
* And what do you like about it?

I like swimming, walking and biking. I enjoy the way every movement seems to flow very gently after a while, no matter how slowly or how quickly I go.

I also like gymnastics (more the strechting part than the work out bit ;-)). I enjoy the way my muscles feel after some good work out. And I love the shower afterwards.

What I like best about exercising is the way I feel afterwards: being a little bit tired, feeling very warm and having this aaargghhhhh-sensation.

Which doesn't mean that I exercise daily. Or regularly. Me and exercising is still a very timid love affair. But what I did today, just for the pleasure of it, and despite of my finances, is this: I planted some tiny roses on my balcony.

What about you?

Hilde

[farmgirl]

Oh, Hilde, please let me apologize - I am taking :ugh hormones:ugh because I'm not having a menstrual cycle, so I'm experiencing the joys of chemically induced pms. I didn't mean to be such a cranky (_)_). I'm sorry.

So, when I'm not verbally attacking the people who support me the most, I have been doing pretty darn good! Went for a walk today. Get this - I actually talked to my boss and I'm going to start work an hour later than I have been, so hubby and I can walk in the mornings. How's that for actually doing something - woo hoo! Of course, she granted me the new hours and immediately asked me to come in earlier tomorrow. There's a staff meeting (there's always a staff meeting, or some other 'thing') That brings me to the next thought - it's probably time for me to look for a new job - I am working a job that requires more than it should of everyone - I need more balance.

More later. I walked this morning, ate well, even managed to PLAN for a PMS induced chocolate/sugar attack, so that it wasn't a big deal at all.

I'm really glad your neck is better, Kensy - I hope you have a great time on the 'mill!

Take care,
-Laura

[jadefox]

This is the greatest thread.

I ate healthily today, thank god. I ate until I was full; I ate three meals and a snack and I had dessert at dinner. Then I ran, a long run, it felt wonderful.

I feel so much better now that I'm home, and in some sort of routine. I even managed to get a third of the way through my summer homework today... well, a third of the way through the first-draft type part. But that feels good, I've convinced myself that I CAN do things without completely procrastinating.

I rearranged my bedroom; I love my surroundings. I feel like I can be productive. I'm drinking lots of water.

Tomorrow, I'll do more good things. Once again, I love this thread. Good luck and support to all of you.

:Bethe :nose

[zorkwhat]

how do all you fellow recoverers!

today i ran (which i loathe during but love after) and i got out and braved hitting the pavement to jobhunt i also called my estranged friends in an effort to reconnect my bonds with real love rather than with food.
i put my litttle angel to bed and inhaled his sweet breath and felt his heart beat for about a half hour. what could be better than that!!!

i hope all are doing positive things , no matter how small. this thread sure puts me in a good frame of mind.
thank you
love

[Green Triangle]

: flower Laura, dear, :flower
no need to apologize! I am all too familiar with PMS attacks (my specialty is night time sobbing) but I didn't feel for a minute you were cranky, anyway. English is not my first language, and I sometimes wonder how my messages come across the board, especially if I am using figurative speech.

I like :kick , too, especially on summer mornings. Are you wearing "sensible" shoes? (I know, I sound like Auntie Annie, but I have overdone walking a bit and didn't consider how my flat feet would like it).


I hope your menstrual cycle will run smoothly soon!

Hilde

[pinkgirl]

Today I went to see a psychiatrist who is going to refer me to a specialist in EDs. It's taken me five years to speak to a doctor about this, now it's done and I'm very excited to start therapy.

By way of exercise I haven't been doing much lately although I used to exercise regularly. I've decided I need to take care of myself and not do anything I don't feel like doing, which means I've stopped exercising. This annoys me because I always thought I WANTED to exercise.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to a big furniture store and buy stuff for my apartment (I'm off work because of a "mood disorder"). I'm sure carrying the stuff around the store counts as exercise!

Hugs from Pinkgirl

[spiral]

:hugon:bowl:hugoff

What an amazing thread. I'm just going to jump right in.

:bullet This morning I talked to my nutritionist about what steps I am ready to take and what I am not ready or willing to do. I was able to say "no" to some things and I'm really happy about that! :grin

:bullet I ate a good meal for my dinner and lunch and researched my options for breakfast so I'm prepared for when I get home and want to eat.

:bullet I came to work in my comfortable clothes so that I can exercise as soon as I get home from work in the morning. It's just a small thing but it's been helping me.

:bullet I swam back to the fishbowl. :sly

:hugonLaura:hugoff Good luck with the hormones. I am going to see a specialist some time next month about my missing period too.

[zorkwhat]

hello all, kensington, i hope your neck feels better (although the drug addict in me says,"hmmm cool......pain pills"

hilde your english is phenomenal. i wouldve had no idea that it was not your first language.

as for me, i've been up ALL night riddled with anxiety over death and nothing in particular. BUT i did not eat, which is a damned miracle.

i also held my sweet son and tried to absorb some of his peace.

see ya later

[Green Triangle]

I went to the job cousellor today. Sometimes I am still a little bit ashamed that "my topics" are still there and influencing so many areas of my life, but I managed really well today. And yes, it was helpful. I needed help and I got myself some help. Ouggggggghhhhhhh.

I have learned so much about myself, and yet, there is still so much to change. I will try to do it gently.

Good luck
Hilde

[farmgirl]

I've been away for a couple days, but I've been good to myself. I've been walking and staying busy, eating like I want to eat for recovery, and I saw my therapist. All in all, things are OK, though my anxiety is up lately.

Oh well .

-Laura

[Jik]

Fantastic thread, it is great to see so many doing good and kind things for themselves.

Let's see:

I could go for about a week on some of the things I've done for myself so I'll just hit the highlights.

I went to the library and got some books for myself to read a week or so ago.

When my kids went away on vacation I took two vacation days off for myself and a timely care package from a good friend reminded me that I took a vacation from work to rest and relax - not go on a cleaning frenzy in my home.

I go swimming with my grandson every chance we get. He's napping right now so jumping into the pool with him is not a viable option right this very minute. Swimming with Ryan consists of me taking him into the deep water and spending upwards to thirty minutes walking around and holding him at arm's length so he can swim.

And right now, I'm chilling on the pc. Hubby's grilling dinner and I'm relaxing.

Love to all,

Joy

[Kensington]

What have I done lately ...... hmmmm, well I have eaten pretty well until my bday came along & then I had an oink fest. But that's ok. People are allowed to oink out on their bday.

I have not gotten on the treadmill & part of me feels shitty about that cuz I want so much to post that I have. So tonite I make myself a promise. I will walk on the treadmill tomorrow. Even if for five minutes. It's time to reignite the good feelings that come from being an exercised woman.

My bday was good. I got some great presents including cash, which I used to buy myself some more great presents :yay. I am thirty-five now. That is very strange. I don't feel thirty-five. I feel younger. Part of me wanted to say "Wow you are SOOO behind on where you should be" but I try to remember those voices are pointless. Worrying doesn't change a damn thing.

[farmgirl]

I have to agree, Kensy - there's something about putting the thirty and the five together - it happened to me this year too. I feel 'behind', like I'm supposed to be settled or something by now. Like you, I don't feel this old. . .

Went for a walk tonight, out in the cool breeze and the dark. It started raining right after we got back, and we NEED the rain, so yay. Made healthy stuff this weekend, so I'm feeling good about that too. I made 'pregnant lady bran muffins' - there's a really *potent* and healthy bran muffin recipe in 'What to expect when you're expecting', and I like them very much. Made a batch of those, some whole grain bread (from scratch!), and we've eaten lots of veggies from the garden all weekend. Had salmon for dinner. Somehow, I got it in my head while I was still very young that cooking fish is 'too much trouble'. Well, it's really not, but it's a habit I don't have. I've been having some sort of fresh fish once a week for about a month, and it feels like a real treat.

Best of all, I took an hour and a half nap this afternoon, right smack in the middle of doing absolutely nothing all day.

Love,
Laura

[spiral]

These past few days I've just been getting by. I've stuck to my meal plan every day. (Yippee! :kick) I was really exhausted over the weekend, though, so I just allowed myself to do nothing and slept when I felt like I needed to. It feels a little bit like a wasted weekend, but I really think I needed the extra sleep.

[almost there]

I was sitting here in my nightie, reading this thread after putting in most of the day at the computer. I've been resisting the death by chocolate I know is in the freezer. I decided to join you all by getting dressed and walking my dog. That is something I have not done for months. I have fibromyalgia and movement hurts. I miss my Tae Bo and other exercise tapes, and you've inspired me to go on and try to get back into something approaching a normal level of activity. As I started typing this I heard my son open the fridge and say, "Aah, ice cream." Now I know that the temptation will be gone by the time the dog and I get back. Thanks, everyone.

[farmgirl]

AlmostThere, you get dressed to walk the dog? (Just kidding - I do live in the country, but it's not THAT remote, and even if it was, I don't have the body image to nude dog-walk)

Sorry, feeling kinda giddy . . .

I did situps tonight. What's up with THAT?? I wanted to do something to either use or form a muscle, and I didn't want to go outside, so I laid on the floor, watched my taped Oprah from today, and did situps, leg lifts, whatever. It was a good Oprah, if you missed it. . .

I have eaten well today too. Today was a challenge, because I had to do something at work that I've never done before. It left me feeling awful, even though it had to be done (I had to 'end' employment for a teacher at our school). I was leaving work, an hour and a half late, and I just wanted to dive into a burger joint combo meal. Instead, I participated in what my friend calls 'retail therapy'. I went to Big Lots and bought some Calgon, along with a few other odds and ends. I came home, ate a healthy dinner, actually CHOSE a piece of fruit over pudding (hubby made butterscotch AND chocolate today!), and I feel OK. Well, I'm still kinda reeling from work, but I didn't smother it in food, and MY boss called to remind me I was doing the right thing, I had handled this well, and that she is a hundred percent behind the decision. She also agreed that it sucks, and it never gets easier.

I love my boss.

-Laura

[almost there]

Farmgirl:
:stars You get a star for eating right and doing the situps. That you managed all that on a day that was especially stressful at work is a real achievement.
My walk with the dog went well for me. We went farther than I expected to be able to do. He was very well-behaved and I'm proud of both of us. :bounce
I am still very weak physically from a severe year-long illness which only let me get up and around a few months ago. I'd been unable to even roll over in bed without getting out of breath before that. I have a long way to go to rebuild my muscle tone. Long ago and far away, I was a professional dancer. Movement is pleasure to me. Sometimes in bed I get the urge and do some leg-ups, etc. I have a lifelong tendency when recuperating from illness to overdo it too soon and relapse. I look longingly at the Tae Bo tape, while I know I'm not even ready yet to do the Jane Fonda Easy Going Workout all the way through. I know that the way to get my strength back is through baby steps, but my impulse is to leap. For a long time, I just avoided it, sat there and did nothing. Yesterday's dog walk ended that phase. Koji and I are going out again today.
By the way, ladies, ******** is not THAT old! It does, however, tend to be a time, the midpoint of the old "threescore and ten" when men and women look back and assess how far they've come toward realizing their dreams. How you feel about yourself when you take that look back can determine whether you let go of the dreams or let the birthday be a kick in the pants to get on with realizing them. I wish you success.

[pinkgirl]

I haven't been feeling too great about the way I've been handling things lately. But I need to acknowledge some of the things I actually have done:

:stars I went running yesterday
:stars I saw my new therapist today & I really like her - actually she kind of looks like me!
:stars I had a good lunch in a cafe
:stars I've bought a huge pile of books to get me through tough times
:stars I've read some of them
:stars I've started writing again
:stars I've picked up my flute again (first time in four years or so)
:stars I've done some work in the flat (including buying furniture!) and it's a lot cozier now!
:stars I've started making plans for the future
:stars I've sent my CV to a recruiting agency

Wow, that was really powerful. I thought I wasn't doing well...

Good luck to the rest of you and keep taking care of yourselves!

:love Pinkgirl :pinkfishy

[Lo]

This is a great post! I'd like to get in on it too. I've been inspired just reading it. I haven't been around much and this is my first foray onto the COE Recovery board in a while, but I :love this kind of thread!

Today I . . .
:peace went to the gym (not my favorite thing to do, but I feel gooooood when it's over)
:peace saw my therapist and had a good session
:peace have eaten healthy so far! yay me!
:peace went to school to get some work done in my classroom--I worked as long as I felt like it and then came home

Can't wait to read what everyone else has been up to!

:peace Lo

[farmgirl]

I went for a walk this morning, before work. That helped when I got to work and three people had bailed on me for various reasons. I got through the day without too much trouble.

I left work a little early today, to keep from going over forty hours for the week. When I got home, I felt incredibly anxious, checked my blood pressure (a stupid thing to do when you're feeling incredibly anxious, by the way) and increased my own anxiety. However, rather than go into a full blown panic attack, I managed to talk myself down a bit, then took a nap. This paragraph will make sense to Zorkwhat, and perhaps no one else, but this IS a pretty decent accomplishment.

I feel like, for the past week, I have taken pretty good care of myself. It's been a stressful week. It always is.

Love, Laura

[Kensington]

Holy flying French teachers, I spy a Lo post!!

:bowtie Today I went to a neighborhood meeting even tho I didn't feel like going & it ended up being interesting & good for me to get out of the house.

:bowtie I had a burning desire to binge like crazy last nite & I didn't. I did go get a milkshake at a drive-thru, but it wasn't the full blown binge fest I was craving.

:bowtie I had a talk with a new net friend last nite & just told him flat out I have an e.d. That took major nerve for me & I find the more I tell people, the easier it is for me.

[farmgirl]

Well, I went for a nice walk this afternoon. It was cloudy and cool, my favorite kind of weather.

The coolest thing was this: I was at a staff retreat/strategic planning session all day today. We went out for lunch & had Mexican food. I ordered the chicken enchilada. It was huge, and very tasty. I ate some of it, and began to feel full, so I slowed down. I had about two thirds of the enchilada, and didn't really want anymore. The waiter offered carryout boxes to all of us, but I decided I had eaten enough chicken enchilada to hold me for a good long while. So, I turned down the carryout box. I actually let the waiter throw away perfectly good food. How cool is that? I have always struggled with this, but today, it wasn't all that hard. I am feeling truly happy about being able to just let the food go. I spent the afternoon with good feelings and lots of energy, because I wasn't sleepy from overeating.

I am quite the happy girl about this.

I also made some really nice muffins I can grab for breakfasts. We had a zucchini get away from us and grow into a virtual baseball bat, so I shredded that, substituted applesauce for the oil in the recipe, substituted whole wheat flour, wheat germ and bran for the flour, and ended up with healthy, very yummy convenience food. I have LOTS of them, so I will freeze them in half dozen batches, and eat them from time to time.

Not bad.

-Laura

[pinkgirl]

I pulled myself together and went to the GYM for the first time in six weeks! Lately I've been feeling more and more resistance to exercising, but it felt really good and I think I'd like to take up the habit again...

Also, my eating has been better over the past few days. I feel mentally stronger than earlier this week. And I've stocked up on no-calorie stuff like gum and diet soda for when I just want to put something in my mouth but am not really hungry.

And I've done lots of reading and writing to nurture my creative spirit!

Hugs

Pinkgirl :pinkfishy

[farmgirl]

I still have room for a walk in this day - I'm waiting for sunset, when the birds sing so pretty and the air is the perfect temperature.

Meanwhile, I slept in 'sort of' - not very late, but not early early either. I got some things done around the house that I wanted to do. I 'should' have cleaned out our office and boxed up some things for goodwill. Instead, I repotted almost all my houseplants and found them places outside where they are in sun/shade as needed. We have three kittens who have reached their 'holy terror phase', and the plants are in need of some kitty respite. Anyway, repotting the plants felt like the right thing to do for myself. It felt good to take care of something alive, do some nurturing, all that.

I also got around to 'just talking' to my husband. There is a ton of stuff going on for me at work, and we hadn't had time to discuss any of it all week. Within the next year, I will likely have some opportunities for advancement that come along very rarely. One would be a faculty position at the community college where I work, teaching classes in child development and early childhood education. This is what I went to school for, and I've been working in the field for about thirteen years. I teach a class for the department each semester right now, as an adjunct faculty member. It would be the kind of job that pays well (not computer-tech well, but it is a full time, full benefits faculty position) and doesn't require me to work year-round five days a week. This is very attractive to the part of me that wants to be a mom someday. The other possibility is a director position at a new laboratory preschool, same community college. If the task force gets the bond passed, (and I have every faith that will happen) I have been told by our dean that a director position at the new campus is as good as mine. Big responsibility, bigger salary. It's an honor to me that they trust me with so much, in either case. Meanwhile, I have a good job, and I get to teach a class here and there as adjunct faculty. Now, hubby knows about all the options, and can help me sort out all the possibilities.

Then, I made us a lovely supper. I put more on my plate than my body wanted or needed. I was able to just leave it there on the plate. It's a miracle for me!

Yay me,
-Laura

[pinkgirl]

I'm feeling better again after a severe relapse last week (:cool, I unconsciously called it relapse, must mean I'm getting better!)

I want to congratulate myself on a couple of important achievements:
:stars I've contacted people at work to start working on what to do about my job. I was really scared but they were very helpful and I hope we'll find a solution!
:stars I did my exercise video this morning
:stars I averted a binge last night by writing a poem!!! That's the FIRST TIME I've managed to successfully use an alternative coping strategy and actually stop the craving. Feels like an absolutely HUGE accomplishment! Part of the reason was I actually knew what caused the urge to binge, which I usually don't, so I knew what to write about in the first place.
:stars I'm keeping up a cheerful mood too.

Good luck to the rest of you, and please let's not end this inspiring post!

Hugs from
:pinkfishy

[almost there]

:stars :stars :stars to me...
:bulletI had a healthy breakfast this morning, and I've taken my meds. Yesterday was the first day in the current chapter of my recovery.
:bulletI'm coming to terms with an important scientific fact. Researchers at Adelaide U. in Australia have found elevated lactic acid levels in the blood and muscles of patients with chronic fatigue syndrome, even when we don't exercise. They also found that our muscles don't atrophy through idleness as do those of normal people, and that exercise, rather than helping us, worsens our condition.
That last bit feels right to me, intuitively, because I have to spend about three days recovering from one day of "normal" activity.
This has been a hard thing to accept, because I've been seeing exercise as a way to lose weight, get healthy, get more done and so on. I also miss dancing and working out, hiking and getting into the garden with shovel and rake.
:bulletLike I said, I'm coming to terms with that. I will try getting back into yoga, carefully because I know that hyperextending my muscles and tendons can be as damaging as too much exercise.
:bulletI have good hope, and I have some pride in myself for yesterday's success and that of today, so far.
:ican

[farmgirl]

:hugonKathy Lynn:hugoff When I was in middle school, I was on the girls basketball team, and I was always sore from practice. I remember my coach telling me that the soreness was from excess lactic acid in my muscles, from overexertion. Anyway, she told me to get in the shower and have the water running over the sore muscles, and increase the heat of the water gradually, as hot as I could stand it. Then, she said, reduce the heat and increase the cold, to as cold as I could stand it. She said it would make the muscle fibers expand and contract, and would help them release the lactic acid. I remember doing this and feeling better. I realize this may not be of benefit with your condition, but your post made me think of this, and I felt I had to pass it on. I hope it helps you.

As for me . . . The past couple days have been something of a food struggle. It's not so much that I'm eating the food, but wanting the food. With all the things that are going on for me right now, I'm not surprised. So, I'm doing okay with it, though it's frustrating and a bit uncomfortable. I am continuing to exercise, and have been averaging six days a week. That helps me tremendously. I've been going to bed earlier too, and getting up in time to eat breakfast off a plate (instead of wolfing it in the car). It is a really peaceful way for me to start my day.

Hate to make y'all jealous, but I had corn and squash from my own garden for supper. It was a lovely evening.

Love to all,
-Laura

[almost there]

Lucky you, Laura,
Home-grown vegies are the best!
Your tip about hot-then-cold for the lactic acid buildup is valid, I know. One of the best coping tips around, for us with ME/CFIDS*, is the hot soak followed by the cool shower. I do it whenever I get a chance--not often because I live without indoor plumbing, running water and such. It's a temporary fix, but can help someone get to sleep when she is hurting a lot. Our lactic acid levels are always elevated, not just from exertion, and even a little exertion affects us all out of proportion. (*ME/CFIDS=myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue immunodysfunction syndrome AKA fibromyalgia)
:bulletI've got the headphones on, listening to my new CD of old music, The Best of Django Reinhardt. It's feel-good music to me.
:stars I'm still on track with my healthy eating.
:stars I was up to the effort, on this third day in the good food groove, of filling the plastic camp shower bag and getting clean, and into clean clothes. Feels great. If you've ever been sticky, itchy, sweaty dirty and too fatigued to take a shower, you know how I WAS feeling--so much better now.
:stars My plan for the afternoon is to change my sheets so my clean skin can ease into a clean bed tonight.
:stars Dinner plans include fish, one really healthy, safe dish I love but am not tempted to overdo.

[almost there]

This is day four. I finished out the day I started in the last post without relapse. At one point I even scooped a dish of peach ice cream for my husband and wasn't seriously tempted. I just thought, hmm, looks good, but not for me.
I ate my little fish filet and a pile of spinach and was satisfied. I've now gone over eighty hours without a taste of any of my trigger foods. There was a shaky moment after dinner when the dessert habit tried to assert itself, but I got through it. I'm amazed at how little I really need to eat without feeling hungry, as long as none of those foods are the addictive ones. One taste of a trigger substance and I'm hungry for more.
So far, today, all is well. I was too fatigued yesterday to change my sheets, but I have the whole afternoon to get it done today.
Love you fishies!:hugon :bowl :hugoff

[farmgirl]

MMMMMMmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!

I hate being sick. I started feeling crampy in my stomach last night, and spent the night travelling to and from the bathroom. The 'good' thing I can say about this is that, for once, I accepted it. I thought I was going to be throwing up all night, so I gathered all the 'comforts' I could, just in case. I cleaned out the trash can, lined it well, gathered some washcloths, and turned on the night light. As it turned out, all the 'action' was at the other end of me, but at least I was ready for anything. I know, this is way too much information. Sorry.

I also made sure I had my favorite pillow, a stuffed animal I use to comfort myself when I feel panicky, and a soft, snuggly blanket. My rationalization was, 'If I'm gonna be sick, I'm gonna make myself as comfortable as I can.' Hubby brought me anything I asked for all day, and commended me for staying home today. The semester starts Monday, and I am still doing the menus and student staff schedules. Still, I stayed home, slept til noon, drank some kool-aid (my mom's stand by for sick children) and rested. I haven't even looked at the menus or schedules.

So, now I feel better. Not good, but better. I'm glad I took care of me.

-Laura

[spiral]

:hugonKathy Lynn:hugoff Glad to hear you're feeling better. And congratulations on your good four days! :yay

:hugonLaura:hugoff I'm really sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I had a stomach thing yesterday too. :ugh And, like you, I stayed home from work and took care of myself. I'm glad that I did. I also called my nutritionist and made a doctor appointment. I was putting off the doctor appointment with dread, so I'm glad I got that out of the way.

:hugon:bowl:hugoff

[pinkgirl]

Hi!
I'm still having ups and downs but on the whole I think I'm doing better! I started falling off this morning and thinking "what's the point" but when I came on the board and related to everyone else's struggles I kinda got back into the groove and I'm ready to make it through the day with sane eating!

I started out by pulling myself together and going for a run, which as always feels awful while I'm doing it but very good afterwards.

I'm having some trouble changing my behavior even if I think I've changed my mental attitude significantly. It's like I almost binge/eat out of habit than because I really have to. Like I feel that because I know I don't have to, I may as well, or something like that.

Anyway, I'm happy to say the urges are weaker and less frequent than a few weeks ago. And twice I've actually been able to figure out what caused them, which is a huge step for me!

:pinkfishy Pinkgirl

[Kensington]

I'm taking my meds regularly again. And, after a week in which I skipped a few & had some bad moments, is a good thing.

Other than that, I don't know what to add as I've had a bad several days. But I'm a tryin!

[almost there]

Yesterday made one week of recovery. Today I've been eating what I need to keep my blood sugar stable and nothing more. It is easier than ever before, now that I know I must not just avoid sugar and gluten but casein too.
While this board was down I went looking for support elsewhere. I found a bunch of forums at Harvard, but the one for eating disorders was pretty inactive.
I went to the one for addiction and found kindred souls. Some of the hard-core addicts had a kinda "HUH?" reaction to the idea of food addiction, but there are enough others there with the same condition that we've been able to educate them.
The nicest thing I've done for myself today was to make a special meal just for my two guys. It is filled with things I can't have. I've not even licked a spoon except for a tiny touch of my tongue to check for saltiness, nor have I been tempted. The guys have been foraging for themselves while I was feeling fragile in my recovery.
I finally did get my sheets changed over the weekend. Today, I tidied up and rearranged my pantry. I feel a fine sense of accomplishment.

[farmgirl]

I've been doing some sort of movement/exercise six days a week. I still have an 'inner tantrum' when I have to do it, but I do feel better once I get out and walk, do an aerobic tape, etc.

I've been letting go of a lot of stuff. I mean that in the literal sense - I am an expert packrat, and I've been really working to evaluate why I need to hold onto some things. It has been easier than I expected to let go of some clutter and junk. I feel like my head and my home are beginning to clear a little.

Today was the biggest 'what did you do' I've had in a while. I took a break at work. No, really - I took an hour break, like I'm supposed to. I have been at my job for almost two years, and I've taken an hour maybe four times. After discussing it with my husband (and actually listening to what he had to say instead of trying to argue my point), I agreed to drop the whole superwoman persona and work four hours, take a break and work four more. It was hard for me - I had to make myself leave the preschool three times - but I did it. With a little practice, I think I'll get better at it. I'm going to make a list of the places on campus that I can go explore on my lunch hour - the library, etc. I'm also going to pack my journal and a pair of walking shoes, so I have some options.

I want to thank everyone who has been posting here. I started in this thread with a pretty limited scope, and I'm learning from all of you that there are many opportunities in a given day to take better care of myself. Thank you, fishies!

Love,
Laura

[Europa]

Great thread guys!

After nearly a month of beating myself up because I'm not coping too well with my new-found status as foster mum to a twelve year old, today I stopped. Recovery MUST come first - and that's where I've put it again.

I stayed away from the scales, ate healthily without bingeing or restricting, I've not let work get me into a knot and I'm dealing with one challenge at a time.

Tonight I will go to the gym because it's still my best stress buster and I've been neglecting myself a little lately.

:love
Eva

[farmgirl]

Today I did a minimal amount of exercise when I really didn't want to, and sure enough, I felt better for having done it.

My eating for this day had me upset at first, but when I went back and analyzed what I'd had and when, I could see why the day went the way it did, plus I realized that things weren't as bad as they seemed. It was another lesson in scheduling time to take care of myself throughout the day. It is foolish of me to think I will be fine if I don't have anything until eleven thirty in the morning. I know better.

And, now, I'm on my way to bed for some sleep!

-Laura

[UMBetsy]

i've been checking this thread pretty regularly, and i've gotten so much from all the wonderful responses...so i figured it was time i added my own two cents.

:suntoday i got up an hour earlier than usual so i would have time to do some power-walking before work. i'm really trying to incorporate more activity into my lifestyle...and not in a "calorie burning, thigh firming, weight loss" sort of mentality of my more disordered days...but in a "healthy, in touch with my body, taking care of myself" way. i made a point to notice everything around me on my walk...the morning was nice and cool (which is quite rare here in south louisiana), and i always enjoy looking at the pretty homes and the beautiful landscaping (i'm always making mental notes for when i build my "dream house").

:sunalso this morning, i ate a healthy and satisfying breakfast...which is SOOO important to my day. a good breakfast keeps me from thinking about food all morning and then panicking at lunch about what to eat...i have noticed that i am so much better equipped to make healthy food choices if i eat well in the morning.

:suni'm doing my best not to procrastinate on my news stories today, as my editor has been on my back lately about my tendency to slack.

all in all....i'm in a good mood this morning, and this post made me feel even better.

:love,
:flowerbetsy:flower

[pinkgirl]

I gritted my teeth today and went back to work for the first time in two months. It wasn't so bad, but I was glad to go home at the end of the day.

For me this was a very big step, as I've been totally terrified of going back there (it's like a traumatic reaction) and my eating's gotten all worse again in response to that anxiety. But I think that now that I've located that as a cause of anxiety which in turn causes me to binge, I should be better equipped to deal with it.

My therapist has suggested I wind down with a relaxation tape after work, I did not do this today and sure enough ended up bingeing (not hugely, though).

Anyway I feel a bit calmer than expected so I feel more relaxed about going back tomorrow - and hopefully getting through the day without bingeing!

Hugs,
:pinkfishy Pinkgirl

[farmgirl]

I knew I had to get up EARLY this morning, to grocery shop for the preschool. I actually went to bed early - eight thirty - and woke up reasonably well-rested. This is not part of my nature, so it was a good thing to have done - a nice self-care thing.

I continue to walk, and that seems to help with my outlook on life. Go me.

-Laura

[pinkgirl]

Friday was infinitely more stressful at work than Thursday (included a "pep talk" by our group head, who was trying to convince me not to quit, normally I would have jumped for joy at this but I hate my job so much now it just made me angry; the firing of my immediate boss; the manager who caused my stress illness that put me off work for two months didn't bother to say "welcome back" or even "hello" (!!!))

So, what have I done:
:stars I did NOT binge on Friday despite the above
:stars I have made a firm decision to find a new job ASAP
:stars I went shopping yesterday and came home with some nice additions to my autumn wardrobe that made me really happy
:stars I met a friend for rollerblading yesterday (good that I met a friend, I usually resist, and good that I went rollerblading, first time in three years)
:stars I wrote around ten pages yesterday, listened to cool, relaxing music and felt pretty good!

So, good progress despite difficult circumstances. Wish it were always this easy!

Hugs,
:pinkfishy Pinkgirl

[CJGriffin]

Wow, that sounds great, pinkgirl!

I've been working too much and too hard, and tomorrow I'm planning to give myself a few hours off.

[GeminiNZ]

I'm eating regularly and well, exercising regularly, taking much better care of myself and generally doing well in dealing with the food issues surrounding my ED.

But today, in plucking up the courage to reply to a couple of posts here, I took another small step in breaking through the emotional issues surrounding my ED.

Another step outside the walls I had put up to protect myself from the big old scary world. A world I never thought I could cope with without some kind of ED as a crutch. The more small steps I take, the more I see that I can cope in the world, maybe not as easily as others around me, but easier than before. And I can do it without resorting to ED behaviours.

:grin :supergrin :grin :supergrin :grin :supergrin