Perfection

[KelleyKate]

:hugon:bowl:hugoff

Perfection.....is this human? DO you put out an image to the world that just appears so perfect?

I do. I suppose it has something to do with not feeling good enough.

I've been giving this perfection issue a lot of thought lately. Why do I want to appear so perfect? Is it because I am afraid that people won't like the "real" me? Well, who the hell is the real me? In this illness.....we seem to have lost ourselves.

When I really think about it....I really don't like people who seem perfect. They seem fake and unreal. It is not human to be perfect. The best people I have ever known in my life are the ones that are not afraid to let people know they are not perfect. They are just wonderful for being who they are. That takes self esteem.

:bugNow I am stuck. I know these things in my head. Intellectually this makes total sense. Emotionally, I feel....well, I want to be perfect. :ugh

:bugSO here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

:bugI am going on vacation (to Porto Rico) on Tuesday. My boyfriend's friends are getting married down there. All his friends from college will be there. I know all of them...and aren't I just perfect around them? I am so stuck.

I know that I am not perfect. But I just can't accept that emotionally yet.

When I find my self esteem again....I will let go of perfection and will just be the wonderful person that I know I am. I am only human.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I hope this post gets you thinking about perfection and self esteem.

Take care:bug:love

[zannahdu]

:hugon KelleyKate :hugoff

Just something a therapist once asked me to think about...

You say, "I know that I am not perfect" and you strive to make yourself perfect...

Consider for a moment that YOU ARE PERFECT JUST AS YOU ARE. Everything in our lives is perfect, and the way it is supposed to be. We are who the universe means for us to be right now. We can revel in all of our beautiful messy perfection. This is about changing our definition of what is perfect, rather than thinking about settling for a less than perfect life. Who told us that perfect meant thin or beautiful or brilliant or always pleasing everyone or whatever else we are trying to be? Someone who didn't realize that being human is the most perfect thing we can be...

:love, Suzannah

[PeanutDuck]

Dear Kelley,

Suzannah said something great--You are perfect just the way you are.

For me, I want to appear perfect--like today at work b/c there is someone new who doesn't quite understand how to do his job so I'm hoping by my example, he'll figure it out! Plus I want his respect and esteem as his "superior".

With my boss I want to appear perfect, at least in my duties b/c she already thinks I'm amazing and I don't want to lose that!

Yes, it does take self esteem to say I'm not perfect. Sometimes it's as simple as not apologizing for your mistakes.

I'm trying to think...it's at work and with my writing teachers that I want to appear perfect. With my teachers it's because a few of them think highly of my work I'm afraid that if I show them something crappy they'll say 'oh. she's not the writer I thought she was.' When in fact, they know writers produce crap, and I don't have to make it big right now, in fact it's highly unlikely. I'm just beginning!

All this shows is that I'm looking for affirmation outside of me. It needs to first come from within.

You know what? I don't like "perfect" people as well b/c it has to be a facade! No one's perfect (I also get jealous when others are sucked in by that facade).

My job is one of facade--seriously. In retail, if I'm bummed out I can't act like it. I have to appear as though my dying need will be to help this demanding, greedy, needy, insipid customers. A lot of them are nice though too!

So much of our lives are pretend--"small talk". How are you I'm fine. And I'm terrible at that!

Sorry to ramble!

I hope you have fun in Puerto Rico.

I've been MIA lately so I'm not too up to date on your goings on but it sounds as though you're progressing by leaps and bounds!

The really KelleyKate will shine through. Soon. Soon she will bloom.

squishy fishy hugs,
peanut

[CerealKiller]

((((((((((((((((Suzannah)))))))))))))))))))))))

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!

You have just perfectly summed up my own beliefs, that we already are perfect and we just don't see that because we hold some ideal in our heads of how we think things 'should' be rather than enjoying them as they are already...

Be here now! The present is a gift.

Think about it. If a four year old was complaining to you about how imperfect they were and flawed, wouldn't you just want to pick them up and hug them and let them know they were just fine the way they were!

Maybe that's how God feels when he looks at us and sees us struggling so much, unaware of how much beauty we already have inside...

[Pella]

:hugonKelleyKate:hugoff
You know how I realized that I had a problem with perfection? when I started this recovery process....cause all of a sudden I started thinking things like...."If I was really recovering, I wouldn't be doing that again!......I should be further along than I am." All these stupid shameful feelings . What's up with that?

So much pain comes from trying to be perfect. I also loved what :hugonSuzannah:hugoff said about being "perfect just as you are." What a concept!! :grin

We gotta look at perfection in a new way. Perfection is being who and where we are today. Accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. I'm right where I need to be in my life/recovery----just as you are right where you need to be. Can I say the word..."surrender?" :grin

I want to get to the point where I can laugh at some of my idiosyncrasies-----at some of my silly perfectionistic tendencies. Expecting perfection is just not reasonable! Because the flaws and imperfections in ourselves determine our uniqueness, the way you interpret one of your awesome sculptures or a piece of art.

I'm in agreement with everyone too about someone who is transparent with their flaws. Who humbly, honestly bares their soul. That is a beautiful thing, and where I learn so much from others. This was a great post :hugonKelleyKate!:hugoff and gosh....it made me realize how much I need to loosen up! :grin
Love beth :sun

[silly]

well not too long ago i recieved a gift it was a book by maria shriver... (i love her she's awesome) in it there was a little quote about perfectionism that i have written out and carry it with me everywhere i go....

" Perfectionism doesn't make you perfect. It makes you feel Inadequate"

you are not worthless because you can't do it all. YOu are hunam, you can't escape that reality and you can't expect to. Self-acceptance is the goal. If shakespeare were a superwoman she might have said, "to be or not to be takes time and wisdom"

so that was the little passage that i just loved, well i love that whole book and read it pretty much once a month, twice if i can. it's just helped me out so much.

[fefa]

:hugon Kelley :hugoff

Hello, to your remeneber me? I am :happy to see you around here and to see that you doing great!! I guess this question is coming to show you something, to accept who you are, but just like you said, how I am going to accept who I am if I am lost? I am lost too Kelley, and I am trying to figure out who I am, and what I am here for. and with time and patient I am figuring that out, and I am not afraid of showing people the real me, I don't need then to judge of who I am, if they love me, they have to accept who I am
YOU ARE PERFECT JUST AS YOU ARE
have a nice trip!!
:love

[PeanutDuck]

ACK! Silly!

THAT IS THE QUOTE!!!!!!!!

SOOOOO TTTTTRRRRRRUEEEE!!!

[KelleyKate]

Thanks for your great input :fishies!!!! When I talk about perfection, I am refering to that ideal perfection that is just not real. That fantasy of how great life would be if everything was just perfect....if I had perfect grades,perfect job, perfect friends, perfect relationship, perfect body, perfect world.

I see where you are all coming from with "you are perfect just as you are"...and maybe that is true once you surrender:bug to the notion that perfection (in the ideal, unrealistic sense) isn't possible. So, maybe I should have defined my terms better in my post.

:hugonSuzannah:hugoff Thanks for your thoughtful words. "being human is the most perfect thing we can be" That is great. I am working on letting go of the false ideal of perfection.:love:bug

:hugonPeanut:hugoff Oh My Squishy Fishy!!!!! :kiss You are so right when you say that affirmation has to come from within. I also always look for it outside myself. What kind of place do you work? Retail?! :love:bug

:hugonCerealKiller:hugoff I agree with Suzanna too. But it is that stupid ideal that I am stuck on. "Be here now"....oh, I am desperately trying to live in the moment and enjoy every second. Thanks :love:bug

:hugonBeth:hugoff:kissWell, that word seems to be popping up all over the place.....It really applies to the recovery process. That is what this is really all about for me....I have to surrender and let go...to gain control back. Hard! I'm happy that this post made you think...your posts always make me think. Talk you soon. :love:bug

:hugonSilly:hugoffI think I have to go pick up that book. What a great quote. Yes! That is the ideal perfection that I am talking about!!!! I need to stop pretending to be super-woman human-lady!!!! :love:bug

:hugonFefa:hugoff Of course I remember you my Brazilian :fishyfriend. :kiss How are things going with recovery? I noticed that you stopped posting on the bulimia board and are more often on the recovery board. Well, lost is the word. I feel like I am running around frantically without a direction or purpose. This is hard stuff. Hang in there. We will overcome. :love:bug

[Carriej]

:hugon KelleyKate :hugoff

How's this for irony? I thought twice about responding because I could NEVER improve upon what the other :fishy ies said. :ugh

I know exactly how you feel. I'm always trying to find ways to make things better. Nothing is never good enough and someday, if I don't start accepting myself and everything else, I'm going to drive myself crazy!!

I can understand how you feel about your vacation. I had to spend a week with my husband's family, and am currently surviving a month with his parents in my house, and having to constantly put on the "perfect" image is so tiring and stressful.

The strange thing is, people whom I perceive as perfect make me uncomfortable. Why would I want to be like that?

KelleyKate, I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom, just know that there is someone who understands completely.

Good luck with your vacation and try your best to enjoy it.

[fefa]

:bug Kelley :bug

Hope you had a nice trip :yay!! As for me, yes, I am now on the recovery board and I am so commitement to that, because this is what I want! Of course the path is not easy sometimes we are down, but we have to get up and start taking care of ourselves and seens like you are doing it so good!! Keep taking care of you and if you need something, just write me! I have a question and if you don't mind answering, did you tell your boyfriend about the e.d? Take care, and remenber how perfect you are the way God created you!!

[Garth]

Dear Kelly,

We are born of perfection

from our very first . . . . to our very last
breath

Sometimes our minds forget . . . . our hearts neglected
our bodies mistreated
Yet . . . somewhere within . . . . we know
we are perfect just as we are . . . . as created

Who are we to judge ourselves
let alone another
what is more . . . what is less
how silly we can be
comparing one perfect human to another

We have a choice
beginning each and every moment
what to believe . . . . how to create
though many of us are not quite sure we did
we did . . . we do

On this day
take one moment of belief in your heart
see what you can create
from the stars high above
to our feet below
no limits . . . endless creation

:love Garth:sun

[mummy]

hi kellykate,

this is mummy here. Like you i have strived for perfection all my life. Everything i do has to be right up to the point of obsession.
All these years and i'm still stugling to gain that perfect image, perfect personality and a perfect life.
Like you i know we can't be perfect, it's not humanly possible, we all have flaws. the hardest thing is to accept those flaws cos
that means accepting yourself, and for me that, right now seems impossible. I know i should accept me for who i am but i've never
really liked myself, and thats been my whole problem. I've got what i thought was a perfect life, what i dremed of. A baby and a loving man
but still i'm having this battle in my head with this illness. I know i shuld be happy with what i've got, grateful even after everything i put
my body through. but everything still isn't perfect. so i feel like i have to keep on battling till i find perfection, and right now that seems
so very far away

[KelleyKate]

:hugonfefa:hugoff I hope you get a chance to read this response. My trip was wonderful. I didn't binge or purge from Tuesday until Saturday. That is huge for me! Things are hard now that I am back. I did tell my boyfriend about the ed. He is supportive. He still loves me and wants me to get better so we can have a great life together. He is so sweet. It is great that you are on the recovery board now. You are really committed. I am too....I might go inpatient soon. Talk to you soon. Take care of yourself. Lots of love :love:bug

:hugonCarrie:hugoff You don't need wonderful words of wisdom...just the fact that you understand....it wonderful enough. My therapist keeps telling me....if you try to show people that you are perfect....you are setting yourself up for failure. It is so hard and tiring. Take care of you. Lots of love. :bug

:hugonGarth:hugoff I wish..I wish...I wish I could really grasp what you said. I know...in a perfect world, where we are free of our problems and illnesses, it would be easier to believe this. Healing takes time....and eventually, I will be able to love and live each moment. Thank you for your thoughts. :bug

:hugonMummy:hugoff I totally get what you are saying. I always imagine and dream about my perfect future. You know, the perfect house with loving husband and great children....Everything just beautiful and peaceful. Well, that just isn't realistic. I am really happy that you are striving to get better for your baby....I've heard that eds are easily passed onto our children. I want to get better for me future children too. Take care of you. Love. :bug

[fefa]

:hugon kelley :hugoff

I am glad you had so much fun and your boyfriend is supporting you! As for being back home after a trip, I know how you feel, I've been there! So don't restrict, and keep :kick. Good :clover for you! Hope to talk to you soon!!!
:love

[Andi]

"anyone perfect must be lying"
-Falling for the first time...Bare Naked Ladies

I'm an engineering major, so bear with my annology. In my quality controls class we talked about perfect products...perfection is impossible...but the closer to a particular perception of perfection, the greater the price. Now extend that idea to us, perfect is NOT human, and the closer we try to get to our percetion of perfection the greater the price we pay (ie friends, love, really living, our health, and possibly our life)...so the question is your life a price you are willing to pay for a perception of perfection?

Also back to the idea of a product. Many areas it is not worth trying to come closer to perfection because they are not worth the price, and by allowing certain areas to stay at a lower standard we allow enough time and energy to be spent improving another aspect of the product...this too can extend to us. Instead of spending so much time trying to have the perfect body or to appear to be the perfect friend, daughter, coworker, etc...things that we cannot acheive we can try to work to work to be happier, try to see ourselves as the fabulous people we are, and to really examine our lives to find out what is the most important to us. I remember the quote on the front of the text "Don’t expect perfect products unless you are willing to pay for perfection." So invintory your life, prioritize and find out what is truely important...then put your heart and soul into being the best you that you can be...not slacking in those areas that are the most important...

Hope that made some sense...
take care and be the best you that you can be

love
Andi

[outspoken_poet]

Have any of you guys read "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher? It's an excellent book, imho. :cheesy
there was one quote in there that i feel really fits for this thread... i'm too lazy to go into my room and get my copy of the book, but it's something like this.

"i'm a perfectly good carrot that everyone is trying to turn into a rose."

i'm a carrot. i'll NEVER be a rose. but sometimes that's so hard to accept.

be well, :bowl
~poet