Frustrated

[AuroraKF]

Hey fishy's

I don't know if I wrote about this before. But i am having a crisis. A crisis of faith in myself. My exboyfriend cheated on me, and it has destroyed me. I feel like I am no good, like I am worthless because he needed to sleep with another woman. I know in my head it is not my fault but his, but in my heart I feel like I let him down because i wasn't thin enough or pretty enough or nice enough or whatever enough. It has made me relapse and I don't know how to get out. I don't know how to escape the overwhelming feeling of hatred against myself. How do I get out of this? How do I learn to love myself? Anyone got any ideas? I want to love myself.

Thanks,
Kim

[sillygirl]

:hugon kim :hugoff

hey sweetie!! that :rat!! (is supposed to be a RAT!). it hurts so much when men can not control themselves. keep reminding yourself that it was HIM, not you. this is the kind of hurt that takes a long time to heal (unfortunately i know from experience :mad), but i hope that someday you will :love yourself again. take care.

[PeanutDuck]

Dear Kim,

WHEW! What a HUGE question. That's what this board is aaaaallll about....how to give ourselves that fishy love we can dispense to others.

It is easy to tell yourself that it wasn't your fault your ex left....it's another chore believing it. His cheating on you has nothing to do with you. It reflects a flaw in his personality not yours. And after all, do you want to be with someone who treats you and your relationship so shoddily?

I can give you the words I've read and heard from other fishies:

Be gentle with yourself.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes.
Celebrate you not punish you.
How you are, however you are, is fine.
....

How I am slowly, very slowly learning to accept myself is by focusing on the good things I do--not the bad. Focusing on what I do well, not what I don't do well. Believing that I work much better when I tell myself I can rather then when I tell myself I CAN'T, and try to do it anyway. Remembering that people aren't wasting their time thinking about me. My feelings are uncontrollable. They are mine. My feelings and opinons are valid.

These are things that have helped me. I find that if I wake up in the morning and tell myself, "this will be a good day" (thanks to Pella), the day goes easier.

Try to find the good. Try to be positive (even if you don't believe it).

Keep swimming, it will come.

squishy fishy hugs,
peanut

You do deserve this.

[silly]

:hugon kim :hugoff

hey, well i feel so bad for you. I understand what you are going through. my ex did the same thing to me a couple of years ago actually and it still hurts today!! i can't even look at him or think about him with out needed to be sick. i think that's the worst pain possible. i wish i could give up some word on how i've over come all this but i can't because i'm still hurt when i think about it. I started those "i'm just not pretty enough, thin enough.. he wants someone without all thse problems... blhablhablha" I guess it's just something that has happened but has made me a bit stronger in the process. take care of youself and if you ever need anything just e-mail, i'm here to listen if you need to vent or just someone to talk to.

:canada silly :canada