Love Letter to your body

[KelleyKate]

:hugon:bowl:hugoff
Ok :fishyies...this is an exercise my therapist gave me. THis is a love letter to your physical body. I have spent a ton of time thinking about this but I haven't gotten to the forgiveness part yet. PLEASE FILL IN THE BLANKS with only the complete truth. (you can print this out if you want to work on it for a while).

DEAR____________,

I. ANGER AND BLAME
I hate it when.......
It makes me furious when......
I'm fed up with......
I'm tired of.....
I resent.......

II. HURT AND SADNESS
It hurts me when.....
I feel sad when......
I feel awful whan......
I feel hurt when......
I'm dissappointed when.....

III. FEAR AND INSECURITY
I'm afraid that......
I feel scared that....
I am worried that.....

IV. REMORSE AND RESPONSIBILITY
I am sorry that....
I am sorry for......
Please forgive me for....
I didn't mean to......

V. INTENTION AND WISHES
I want.....
I wish.....
I hope......

VI. LOVE, FORGIVENESS, UNDERSTANDING, GRATITUDE
I love you because....
Thank you for.....
I'm proud of you for....
I understand that......
I forgive you for.....
I love it when.....

Make sure to sign your letter in a way that feels appropriate.



:bugThis is an exercise in forgiving and accepting your body for what and how it is.
Lots of love,

[emarie]

Ooh! Ooh!

This is so cool.

Here's mine:

Dear Erin's body,

I hate it when you turn against me and do things I can not predict or control. It makes me furious when I know I have no control over what you are going to do next, when the next headache comes, when the next pound is gained or lost. I'm fed up with your unpredictability and your vulnerability and overt femininity (big breasts). I'm tired of being a girl- bleeding, changing, bloating. I resent you so much for this sometimes.

It hurts me when I look in the mirror and see something that doesn't fit into my "perfect" box. I feel sad when I realize that my body will never fit into that box because it is my mind that is flawed. I feel awful when I see that I can not change you or alter you because you will do as you need to do. I feel hurt when you deny all my trying and instead respond to my emotional nerve signals that I send out unconsciously. I feel dissapointed when I realize that I'm not at peace with that yet.

I'm afraid that having a real body means I am more vulnerable to attack and sickness, rape and violation and reality. I feel scared that I will never gain control in my life just because I can not control you my body. I am worried that I will always want that control because my soul will never heal.

I am sorry that I have mistreated you over the years. I am sorry for all the meanness and abuse I have put you through and all the blind hatred I have directed your way. I am sorry for the times I have starved, stuffed or overexercised you because I was hurting so much inside. I didn't mean to deny you the necessities of life- I thought I might not deserve them.

I want to be at peace with you. I wish I could give up my preconceived notions of perceptions. I hope I can treat you with more respect, awe, gratitude and love in the future.

I love you because you house my soul and my heart. You keep me alive and give me pleasure and let me know when something is wrong and I need to listen to you more. Thank you for being there for me my whole life long and for continuing to function through my abuse. I'm proud of you for being resilient and surviving and resisting my many attempts to change and abuse you. I understand that a full reconciliation will take time, but I think I really want that with you. (this is really hard) I forgive you for being outside of my control. It is better for me that way because it is my soul, mind and emotions that need to come first, not physical "perfection". I love it when I feel at peace with you and love you. Please forgive me for all the shit I have done. I am going to try better now and value you for what you are- a functioning woman's body that is beautiful and perfect as is.

Love,

Erin


:hugonKelleyKate:hugoff I am almost in tears. This was really intense. God. Thanks for this.

[fefa]

This is so good!! Thank you Kelly.

Dear you

I hate it when I am bloated and I cannot see how you really are. It makes me furious when you don't express yourself and put your feelings in instead of out. I am fed up with all that. I am tired of living like that because I just want to be free. I resent that I didn't trust you more often.

It hurts me when you don't answer my question and just stay there. I feel sad when someone hurts you. I feel awful when people are sad and I can't help. I feel hurt when people don't understand me or just makes me feel guilty for something I didn't care.I am dissapoited when poeple hurt you without realizing that

i am afraid that I will lose control I feel scared that I will lose what I have now. I am worried that people will see that I have gained some pounds ( I know I shouldn't)

I am sorry that you look huge today but remenber this is because you are bloated. I am sorry for still hurting you and not listening to you. Please forgive me for hurting you so bad, I guess I didn't see how to deal wioth the pain.

I want to be able to trust you again. I wish to listen to you more often, especially when you want no safe foods. I hope to be able to live again without worrying on how you look and always listening to you

I love you because you are MY. Thank you for being part of who I am. I am proud of you for sending the first sign that something was going on before it was too late. I understand that I have to love you and take care of you. I forgive you for being tall. I love it when I listen to you and to my heart

:love

[Pella]

:hugonKelleyKate:hugoff
I'm bumping this up and just wanted to let you know that I printed this exercise out and really want to give it some thought before I reply my answers. I'm truly thankful that you share some of the stuff with us that you are learning with your therapist. It really helps me out!:supergrin
Love beth :sun

[Karenfish]

thank you for this opportunity. here is mine:

dear me (body):

i hate it when you look bigger than you really are.
it makes me furious when you growl at me.
im fet up with not being healthy.
im tired of being tired.
i resent you for being necessary to living.

it hurts me when i am only what you are and look like.
i feel sad when i am wishing to be perfect.
i feel awful when i dont feel greatful for having what i do.
i feel hurt when you give up on me.
im disappo****inted when your sick.

im afraid that you dont look perfect.
i feel scared that others will remember when you were near perfect
i am worried that you'll never be near perfect again.

i am sorry that i've beaten up on you.
i am sorry for neglecting and depriving you.
please forgive me for hating you
i didnt mean to let you down.

i want to appreciate you.
i wish i could love you.
i hope someday we can live in peace with eachother.

i love you because i am alive because you havent given up on me.
thank you for being so risilient.
im proud of you for fighting back.
i understand that you need to be taken care of so i can live a wonderful life.
i forgive you for being imperfect.
i love it when we are happy.

truce?
me (mind)


thank u for that opportunity. what an eye opener. my day has been made better because of that.
thank youl.

[KelleyKate]

:hugonEMarie:hugoff
:hugonFefa:hugoff
:hugonBeth:hugoff
:hugonKarenfish:hugoff
I am really happy to read your responses. I am struggling with the last two sections. I really want to mean it when I forgive, love, and accept my body. Even though I am now in therapy...I just can't seem to let go of those things I hate about my body. I am really trying though.
:loveLots of love and stay strong.

[titian]

Bump

and

this is great KelleyKate.

I've printed it out to have a go at.

Thanks for posting it

love e

[Pella]

:hugonKelleyKate:hugoff

I hate it when obsess about my body.
It makes me furious whenI can't seem to control my thoughts that lead to a b/p.
I'm fed up withattitude towards certain safe/unsafe foods!
I'm tired of beinga perfectionist.
I resentmy inability to accept my body unconditionally.

It hurts me when when I can't get past my self-doubts.
I feel sad whenWhen I realize how many years I spent with the ed.
I feel awful whenI take two steps backwards.
I feel hurt whenothers make negative comments about my body.
I'm dissappointed whenI think I'm fat.

I'm afraid thatI will relaspe.
I feel scared thatmy body is physically weakened/demolished from years of abuse.
I'm worried thatI can't recouperate to complete health.

Please forgive me for not being your friend.
[b]I didn't meant to do this to you intentionally.

[b]I love you becauseyou are the shell of my heart and soul and I want to learn to take care of you the way you deserve.
Thank you for being so resilient.
I forgive you foreverything negative I pushed on you.
I love it when you respond to my attempts at healthy eating habits and how my head/brain/heart is growing and learning.

Sincerely for the rest of our life here together may we work, live and breath and be unified in health and recovery!
Love beth :sun

[Pella]

:hugonKelleykate:hugoff
Now it's your turn! supergrin

[jadefox]

Oh, this is wonderful. Really. Yay!

Dear Bethe's Body,

I hate it when you're not as good as someone else.
It makes me furious when you want more food than you need, and your craving is stronger than my will to get better.
I'm fed up with your damn imperfection.
I'm tired of thinking about you.
I resent society, though I shouldn't, for telling me you're ugly. (SOMETIMES I THINK YOU ARE!)

It hurts me when I look in the mirror, and can't bring myself to love you.
I feel sad when I can't stop myself from crying over what I think other people are saying about you.
I feel awful whan you are not as "beautiful" as you were yesterday.
I feel hurt when I do things to damage you.
I'm dissappointed when I find myself worrying about you.

I'm afraid that you will never be good enough for my (sometimes) warped sense of physical beauty.
I feel scared that it is my fault you're imperfect and human.
I am worried that this fear will never go away.

I am sorry that I cut you up so many times. Bluntly.
I am sorry for the times I hit you and insulted you.
Please forgive me for not trusting you to take care of yourself.
I didn't mean to put you through all that.

I want to love you unconditionally.
I wish that I had never started trying to change you.
I hope that one day we can be friends again.

I love you because you can sprint a hundred meters like nobody's business. :winky
Thank you for not dying on me. Heh.
I'm proud of you for weathering all this so well.
I understand that sometimes you wanted to rip my head off.
I forgive you for being human.
I love it when you look hot in a pair of pleather pants!
I love it when I'm content with you, because of me.

:Bethe :nose

[Simone]

Hi Fishys,

My mind is tired and I cannot even summon the patience to reply as beautifully as each of you have. I feel isolated among the isolated, tired among the tired. I so much want health and patience and strength. Keep posting.

:ufo

[KelleyKate]

:hugon:fishyies:hugoff
Ok...it has taken me a really long time to really feel all these emotions for my body. But today I had a bit of a breakthrough. So I wrote my love letter. Here it goes....

Dear Kate's body,
:bugI hate it when your clothes fit tightly or your stomach gets rolls when you hunch over.
:bugIt makes me furious when your thighs dare to touch.
:bugI'm fed up with the cellulite on your thighs right below your butt.
:bugI resent you for not being taller.

:bugIt hurts me when I feel complete despair at the image that reflects back in the mirror.
:bugI feel sad that I can't accept you as you are.
:bugI feel awful when I cut you and punish you for not being perfect.
:bugI am dissapointed when I think you look ok and then I see you in a mirror and only see your imperfections.

:bugI am afraid that no one will be attracted to me if I am not thin. No one will love me.
:bugI feel scared that you will be the cause of my eternal loneliness.
:bugI am worried that we will always be at war with eachother.

:bugI am so sorry that I've put you through such hell with the bingeing/purging, the cutting, the laxatives, and the drinking.
:bugI'm sorry for treating you like you don't matter.
:bugPlease forgive me for hating you.
:bugI didn't mean to treat you with such disregard for your well being.

:bugI want to be madly in love with you.
:bugI wish I would just realize your beauty.
:bugI hope that the damage I have done to you is not permanent and you will forgive me too.

:bugI love you because you are beautiful, good, alive, and mine.
:bugThank you for being so resilient and healthy.
:bugI am proud of you for your gracefullness and for your talent.
:bugI understand that we are who and what we are. I understand that we are worthy of love no matter what shape or size we are.
:bug I forgive you for not being perfect in my eyes.
:bugI love it when you laugh and shine with happiness. That is when you are most beautiful.

We will find peace together again and I will love you unconditionally. You are me and we are beautiful.
I love you,
Kate's mind

[Pella]

this was an extremely difficult exercise at least for me to do. I just want to thank all you guys for rising to the challenge that :hugonKelleyKate:hugoff posted!:happy
I read every reply and reflected on how similiar a lot of us with our fears and recovery issues. Made me feel so connected with all you :fishy. Thanks :hugonKelleyKate:hugoff for inspiring us to do this.
:hugonErin:hugoff
:hugonFefa:hugoff
:hugonKarenfish:hugoff
:hugontitian:hugoff
:hugonBethe:hugoff
:hugonSianM:hugoff
You guys are awesome!
Love beth :sun

[razzledazzle]

KelleyKate this is a stupendous idea! You are a star fishy friend! :supergrin

Okay...

I hate it when you ache and complain from too much exercise.
It makes me furious when my skin feels too tight for the mass of my body.
I'm fed up with trying to keep you little.
I resent you for not having smoother skin and long tall ballerina like muscles.

It hurts me when I feel like I have to hurt you.
I feel sad that so much of my life has been dedicated to keeping you small.
I feel awful that I had to go through the heinous process of bingeing and purging.
I am disappointed in myself for not thinking you are beautiful.

I am afraid that I am growing more ugly everyday.
I feel scared that I will never be able to accept you.
I am worried that I have the capablility to destroy you.

I am sorry for the ways I have tortured you.
Please forgive me for the cutting and the bingeing and the purging..you deserve so much more.

I want to love you.
I wish that you and I, body and mind could work together and enjoy life.
I hope that I will find you as beautiful as my friends and family do.

I love you for allowing me to run and swim and ride and hug all the beautiful people in my life.
Thank you for fighting so hard to keep me alive.
Thank you for being the victor in this e/d war.
I forgive you for being less than perfect.
I love it when I love you. I love it when I see beauty eminating from you.

Thanks again :hugon Kelley :hugoff

:love
Your friend,
RAZZ

[CerealKiller]

Dear Little body,

I feel such tenderness towards you tonight and such wonder. And there is an awkwardness there too, for we are like strangers who have passed at a cokctail party and nodded hello, but have never spoken.

We never knew ye. The war between mind and body, for so many years, such foolishness. You were a beautiful body and tried so hard to serve us. And we...well, we were an ornery lot and we never meant harm, but we had our own way of doing things. And that's just the mind. In the basement lives Emotions, and they could never be trusted at all and the mind crew never helped much with their jokes and cruel wit and denial.

We've been doing a lot better lately, haven't we? All of us working together instead of trying to run in three different directions at once. For the first time, mouthy mind is finding beauty in things that are not about thinking.

You have such gifts to offer, body, and like a fool I have ignored that for so long. you could help us to feel pleasure and happiness. You could make us feel whole. And we could help you too, for stubborn we may be and mischievous, but you must picture only a precocious rather lonely child with a bit of the imp for as a composite this is our heart.

We are happy to have been giving you protein shakes every morning, and it's become rather a game for those in the mind to see how quickly we can nurse you to health. You are our latest 'project' and they've been taking great pride in it. Working to make ourselves stronger makes much sense than working against ourselves. Why could i never see that before?

you came from my mother's womb, body. You came from my mother's womb, seven inches.

Seven inches to hold it all. Such a little thing and did you know the pain that would be waiting down the road? Your heart would have been the size of a walnut, and could a walnut have held such emotion? Surely it must have broken young!

Tiny little thing and then you learned to walk, running and stumbling on sturdy little legs, trying to see everything and learn everything. Were you a mother's dream or a mother's hope?

How did you come to be the enemy?

What went wrong along the way? When did the little walnut break?

Your little heart is still sturdy and still beats. It beats despite the fact that i have tossed you down brutally so many times, and kicked you as hard as I could. kicked you and beat you and cut you. Raging against the light, and screaming into the wind. Screaming for a pain I could not define.

You were not the enemy, but I saw you as the enemy. I saw life as the enemy, but I was life.

And life brought only pain.

So you bore the pain. My physical outlet for all the emotions my little walnut could not hold.

but the walnut, my heart, does not break. It holds a lot of pain. And behind the pain is the promise of love. And the strength of the soul gives support for the pain, and we use our energy that once raged against life to nurture you, to come to know you again, and to find and feel the promise of your love.

For we never knew ye' body. We never knew you.

But we shall.

This is the promise of hope.

We will learn to be gentle.

:ufo