So alone...

[fruitjuice]

:trigger Talks about ed behaviours

Haven't been around for a very long time. School's been hectic and we've had exams.

I'm feeling very alone. At school I put a smile on as much as possible and pretend that all's fine. My one friend can see through everything though and knows that that isn't me. The other evening I wanted to tell her everything and just cry and let it all out. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't tell anyone. I can't speak to a therapist because I just seem to have a mental block against telling people things. I used to restrict and binge over weekends at home but now I just binge. I look in the mirror everyday and hate what I see. No one can possibly understand what I have to deal with. All my friends can go back to their happy homes and live a normal life but even when I'm away from my family the memories haunt me. How can you shut out years of abuse both witnessed and experienced and a vicious divorce and a mother that's so menatlly ill she can't see her own daughter's ed and son's suicidal feelings?

I shouldn't have said all this and if I get suspended it'll probably be what I deserve. I'm sorry everyone - I'm feeling down and really needed to dump. I'm so sorry. I'm sure things will look up soon.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

God Bless
Love
laura :bug

[*star]

:hugonfruitjuice:hugoff
sorry to hear youre going through lots of yuck stuff right now :sad.. youre right though, things will get better soon. family problems are tough to deal with because you live with them and have to face it everyday. i always wondered why i have to live with my parents.. just because my mom gave birth to me doesnt mean i have to like her if she treats me badly right? anyway, dont think youre alone on this one cuz youre not! im here for you k? take care i :love you

[hmm]

hey laura
i really understand how you are feeling, its weird i only just joined this site but i have surfed it for a while and u were the **** who stuck out as someone who says things that i could have..
i also feel so alone and that not one of my friends even begins to grasp how terrible and alienating having an ED is. Tonight i went out with them all and i feel like im in my own little world, but on the outside im smiling and talking and asking people questions about themsleves etc etc etc.
it sux!
i'm also at school i just finished exams too :-)
i am not at all surprised u are binging, with the stuff u are living with. it is the most understandable reaction to be having, and i think u are so brave to just get thru each day with the pain u are carrying around.

like u i also thought i was someone who just can't speak to any**** about myself at all, and so no way was i going for therapy, but i finally plucked up the courage **** months ago, and went. I've had an ED for a good few years and i just used to think it would clear up and go away one day, or when i started to like my body and so on, so i refused to get help. and now that i'm getting it, i so wish i had not wasted all this time.
if i can give you any advice at all its to break the cycle ur in and get therapy. it is the most scary and brave and daunting thing to do, but if u can take that ****st step, ur on the road to recovery. and it is such a relief to just share your stuff with someone else.
although its so so hard, i'm a different person already after just **** months.
if u ever want to e-mail me, my address is alex****_********@hotmail.com
but otherwise good luck
:-)
:-)
:-)
and lots of hugs and don't worry u are NOT ALONE.
take care
love hmm

[Lissa]

:hugon Laura :hugoff

It's nice to see you around again and I hope the exams went ok.

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling too good at the moment. Don't apologise for expressing your feelings...it's important to get it all out.

I know what it's like to want to cry and tell someone everything that's going on with me at that moment and to let out all that pain but then just feeling unable to. Perhaps though, it would help if you just let go one day and have a good cry and let yourself be comforted. You don't deserve to go through all this by yourself so telling someone could be a step closer to getting better.

You aren't alone in this...you are a beautiful, special person and things WILL look up for you soon. Just keep posting how you're feeling and take care,

Lots of :love
Lissa

[fruitjuice]

:hugon *star :hugoff
:hugon hmm :hugoff
:hugon Lissa :hugoff

Thank you so much for your words of advice and support. Still really down, but feeling a litlle bit better.

God Bless
Love
Laura :bug

[JennyA]

hi,
Hun, i am so sory to hear you are feeling soen and upset. when I read your post it touched a certain part of me because i know how it is to feel alone and not being able to talk to friends or family. My mother gets mad and ignored my problem, and my father would yell, still having those family problems, and my boyfriend still dosen't care. i couldnt confide in anyone bot even a therapist, still to tis day I haven't. But i finally feel so by myself that to keep my self sane I think I am going to schedual an appoint ment. I know things aren't perfect and you are going through a rough time, and i can't promise you that everything will end up perfect, but things will get better. I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk just email me at Dantone************ @aol.com. B/c it isn't good to keep things bottled up inside. Wish you the best :love, and even though I don't know you personaly if you ever need anything I'll be hear to listen. Good Luck, hope you feel better.

[fruitjuice]

:hugon Jennifer :hugoff

Thank you for your words. I think you're really brave if you get the guts to make that appointment. Good luck and remember how special and beautiful you are.

God Bless
Love
Laura :bug