Intimidated by girl i've never met

[Crystalbelle]

:trigger Just mad and need to express my feelings nad thoughts. which are awefully negative

Hi :fishy 's

I have come across something that both makes me feel ashamed and angry at myself.

I am sooo intimidated by my boyfriends ex girlfriend. A girl that I have never met, nor seen. A girl that he swears he can't stand and would never get back with.

He was with her for two years. She was drama, that's all i now. But whenever he talks about her i feel all funny inside. Whenever he talks/mentins that he might see her or that she paged him, i get all jealoues and afraid inside.

I'm afriad of two things. I'm afraid that he'll for some damn reason want to get back with her. I'm also afraid that i'll be drama and remind him of her and thus he'll leave me as well.

But really, i feel so intimdated by her. I automatically thinik that she's prettier, nicer, thinner than I am. Not that the her appearance counts, but for osme reason it goes through my head.

I'm ashamed that I am intimidated by her, cause i'venever met her and have no real reason to be. I'm mad at me for being jealoues of her and scared of her. for the exact same reason. I feel awefully foolish and I dont' know how to controlt his feelings concerning her. I dont' even know why it is a problem, cause it just shouldn't be. Oh well. Thanks for letting me ramble.

:love Take Care :fishy Friends :love

Hugs and :kiss 's

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon crystalbelle :hugoffi know how you feel, i've felt the same way before with my boyfriend and his ex but you have to remember that he's with you. if he's telling you that he can't stand the girl than believe him. they broke up so there's a reason that they aren't together anymore. i know it can be tough sometimes but you've just got t remember that he's with you and if he didn't want to be, he wouldn't be so since he is, it's cause he wants to be with you :love

[PeanutDuck]

Dear Crystalbelle,

Me too. I've done the same things. In fact, I do the same things with almost all the relationships in my life--I always want to be the only friend, the best loved friend, etc. and I worry about the others, are they liked better than me?

I know this comes from not completely accepting myself and knowing that I can't control how someone else reacts to me. You can't control how he feels towards this other girl. You won't be able to control your relationship.

What you can do is try to believe in yourself that how you are is okay and right...no matter WHAT happens. You are fine the way you are and you deserve a good relationship.

Trust that he likes you. Be honest, that will get you much farther than trying to be what you think he (or anyone else) wants you to be b/c you can never know what another person wants from you unless they tell you....and even then, all you can be is yourself.

He is with you. He likes you.

When people are with you, trust that they want to be with you.

It's not easy. As we fight to recover, we can learn to love ourselves, and I hope you one day can (because you deserve it!)

good luck

squishy fishy hugs,
peanut

[prettyshadylady]

my boyfriend lived with his ex for **** years. she is this perfect blonde ballroom dancer, and he was completely obsessed with her. when we starter going out i had no idea. a few months into the relationship things started coming out, and i got worried. i am a natural good looking brunette, and he asked me to go blonde. so i did it, but it didnt make me feel any better. its been **** years now and he loves me, but i still feel insecure about myself because of her. i find myself comparing to her and feel like crap... guys should keep all their past baggage to themselves

[daybydayone]

heya crystal

my ex boyfriends current girlfriend has told him exactly the things you are saying now. she's asked him not to speak to me.
and from my perspective i can understand where she's coming from, that exs can be threatening.
but she needs to learn to trust him.
step back, assess what you know of him. is he trustworthy? if he is from what you know, trust him. because otherwise you will never be as emotionally committed and invested in the relationship. if you can't trust him, at the end of the day, you're not protecting yourself, you're losing out because you won't have as full an experience with him as you could. full emotional intimacy is something we often only get a few chances at, so don't lose them.
even if this ex girlfriend is predatory (which she probably isnt), it will make no difference if he wants to be with you. if he's worthy of you, he will stay with you.
and ask him not to talk about her if it helps. try not to delve. don't ask questions and then beat yourself up with the answers. it's in his past now.

[NFNY]

I compare myself to other women all the time unfavorably, so I can totally relate to your fears. My last b/f was a constant womanizer, which fed my insecurities.

[doodleforty-six]

Oh boy, do I ever understand where you are at!

I'm also intimidated by my bf's ex. I met her once and she was wearing this awfully sexy, long dress, that had a v-neck open nearly to the waist (no bra, either, I might add)! She is so petite and pretty, sometimes I wonder what in the hell my bf sees in me.

I tend to keep my insecurities to myself because I just don't think my acting all jealous about someone I really don't know is logical and would surely drive my bf crazy! I take my "craziness", insecurities, and feelings of intimidation to my T who helps me to be a bit more realistic/logical about it.

[dandibert]

it has happened to me too...
my ex-bf had an ex that was very pretty, and of course i would be like crazy looking her up in myspace and saving pictures...
it was a really though time, sometimes it still is, when i see a guy i like...and then meet his ex, if shes very pretty i automaticaly back up because i reason he wont like me or something
hahaha oooh well i know that's stupid
because in my experience the boyfriends that i've love the most were never the best looking ones