View Full Version : i dont know what to do! help!
09-25-2002, 01:05 PM
my landlord&wife just got back from holiday this week. they've been gone for four weeks almost. they asked us to look after the yard. so we did. watered it almost everyday... but apparently two plants died. the first thing he said was:
"i see two of our favorite plants have died."
dave told him we watered them daily, and that its been raining here and cooler for the past week. he said:
"you can tell they've been dead for a long time."
he then stalked off.
im so livid. we have more on our plates than a stupid fir tree in a pot and a half dead lilac bush. we did our best. im on fucking meds already, and i really cant deal with this shit. i dont want to talk to him/them at all today. i have the door locked, but im afraid he'll use his key just to come right in. :cry (as he has on numerous other occasions)
i didnt want dave to go to work... but he has to. he said he'd try and get off early... but i dont know if i can last. i just want out of this stupid house. NOW. but theres no where to go... i dont even have a friend i can invite over for the day. :cry
im so scared. i cant deal with confrontation when im like this. im so low today... and i dont want to do anything to endanger my baby. i just need a break. to get away from here... from everything.
i dont know what to do. do i say something to him if he comes to the door? do i challenge him back? (are plants really worth that? or is it because its about MORE than plants?) do i ignore the door? (but then he might use his key... :scared) i dont know what to do. :cry
09-25-2002, 01:15 PM
i'm going to go out on a limb here, as all i know about your situation with your landlord is what you've posted here. but - i think you might be the one making a bigger deal out of this than it really is.
sure, he was upset about his plants, but he didn't actually accuse you of killing them, did he? and even if that's what he implied, he certainly didn't say anything threatening or uncalled-for about the plants.
so why are you so panicked?
calm yourself down. if he comes over and wants to confront you about the plants, simply tell him you are sorry they died, but you took care of them exactly as he requested. there is nothing more you can do. if he becomes threatening, call the police. if he's simply a little bit rude and mutters something under his breath about it, let it go.
i don't understand your fear at all in this situation....it doesn't sound very rational. i hope you will take some deep breaths, do some journaling or something, and see this for what it is - not a big deal.
take care - of BOTH of you. :cute
09-25-2002, 01:27 PM
:hugon betsy :hugoff
this is a HUGE deal believe me. there is a post that i did recently in the safety zone which explains why i am a little more afraid. and he DID imply we killed the plants. and he is very petty and stuff. the thing is... they are selling this house... and have even put money down on another house... were they going to dig the plants up? gah. there is soo much to this situation.
it is a really big deal. i wish i could make people understand. :cry i cant do this today :cry
please understand. im already at the bottom of the barrel, and here he is handing me a shovel and saying dig.
09-25-2002, 01:52 PM
:hugon Ina :hugoff
I understand this is hard for you ... but I don't know what to suggest ... apart from to ignore him ... don't say a word, don't answer the door ... and even if he does let himself in ... still ignore him, don't even look at him, pretend he's not there, stick headphones on ... I dont know.
I know that in our old house we had a small tree which Andy's (mum's partner) gran gave him, and she's now died, it's also very hard to grow ... so when we moved, they were trying to come up with ways of digging it up to take it with us ... to me, it was just a damn plant ... but to them it meant more. But ya know, my theory is that if he was that bothered about his poxy plants, he shouldn't have buggared off and left em for four weeks ... so it's his own fault.
Sorry I can't really suggest anything constructive ... right now, I'd be the person to go marching round there hurling abuse back if someone fucked me off like that ... but I don't think it would be particularly appropriate of me to use that as an ideal suggestion to try!
09-25-2002, 03:01 PM
:hugon :hugon willow :hugoff :hugoff
so you and your hubby are planning of moving soon?? that's all i really had to suggest, as i remember how this landlord keeps invading your privacy by using his key...which he has no right to do!!! if you are paying rent, or there is some other arrangement that you are fulfilling...then he has no fucking right to invade your space...even if he does own the house.....it can be really scary to have someone invade your space...hang in there hun.....call your hubby if you need to talk...or go on chat to vent :idea .....but most of all...keep taking care of that baby as best you can just like you always have.....that's all that matters right now!!!!! :hugon baby willow :hugoff
take care...keep :kick ing~!
09-25-2002, 03:12 PM
:hugon Willow :hugoff
Could you maybe send the idiot a check to buy some new plants. That way you don't have to face him. In cases like this I am not sure it's worth defending youself, even though you are right. We had a similar situation involving trees with our neighbor and it was a nightmare trying to fight him. We hadn't done anything wrong but still had to pay the guy one thousand dollars for new trees, which he never even planted :reallymad
09-25-2002, 03:31 PM
I disagree with Allie…you do not owe him repayment for the plants, what does he expect for free? Next time let him hire a professional who comes out to people's homes to do what you did...and there are businesses that do exactly that.
I agree with Betsy, but I am concerned that you are as upset as you are due to the meds you are on or not on. In your "do you ever" post, you state that you are not on meds, and in this post you say you are. If you are not taking your meds consistantly, you are bound to have fluctuations in your moods and your response to others. So try not to let these fluctuations dictate how you deal with situations - so take care of yourself and follow whatever guidelines help you function best.
By the way, I happen to know LOTS about landlord/tenant law so here it goes:
A landlord CANNOT enter a rental without proper notice unless it is an EMERGENCY. What constitutes an emergency-not an issue over plants…
An emergency is a fire or flood, or something to that nature
Secondly: if/when he enters you can call the police and sign a complaint against him. You do not need to warn him first either. You do not have to notify him verbally or written as to your rights…THESE ARE THE LAWS!
Thirdly: K.I.S.S is an acronym for KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID (AA) in other words…apologize to him about the plant and (KINDLY) suggest he pay a professional next time or deduct money off your rent as compensation to YOU for your time! Also, two plants dying are better than all of them dying which would have happened if you did not take care of the plants in the first place.
But above all, this whole plant issue is such an insignificant thing to allow get you so unraveled. You ask if there is something more that has him upset. MAybe you should ask yourself the same thing. Is there something more that has you so irritated...if so-figure out what it is before it gets the best of you .
The illegal entry is more important and you do have rights. In fact he can get in a whole lot of hot water over that. BUT I do caution you not to throw that in his face unless you are willing to back it up. Call your state agency for Landlord /Tenants association. Every state has one and you can have a booklet sent to you with all of the laws in it. OR, you can search the Internet, which is probably easier since you surf it often anyway.
This is an adult issue and you have to act like an adult. So, get the facts, be prepared to back them up, don't look for a confrontation. Ask yourself how you would suggest to your child how to handle it. Would you want him/her to angrily confront the person when it is not only pointless, but also a minor thing in the big scheme of life…and wouldn't you want your child to know they have rights and how to exercise them-in a HEALTHY way?
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