how?

[last_wonder]

Just had an awful binge episode. Deep down I understand there are emotional issues I am avoiding to deal with. Eating is not about feeding hunger for me, but control, and I am totally out of it. Even with eating under "control" I am not contented. That's a definite sign that there are other issues, isn't it? But what? And how do I deal with them? How do I deal with binging first? Are there local support groups that I can talk to face to face? Someone I can call on when I feel so helpless and powerless?

[mazi]

You're not alone. I think my eating disorder has got a lot to do with control issues aswell. Its weird because with anoriexia I felt totally in control, but now with CO I am so out of control. The further I get into this the more I'm becoming aware of how control affects other aspects of my life, I'm a perfectionist in everything I do and I've got several obsessive-compulsive habits that I just can't shake. But the fact that it's affecting my whole life makes me feel that it's just the way I've been born and there's nothing I can do to ever fully escape it.

I'm sorry but I'm no help with the help groups thing, I should have got professional help years ago but I've never had the strength to ask. I hope you do though. Good luck.

[LizE]

Hi!

I've been there... feeling powerless and utterly alone...

It's awful.

The group thing never worked for me, with the exception of this community. Perhaps it's because no one can see me, I don't know. But in the past I was resented in groups because the attitude was, "Who the hell are you to be here? You're not fat, you are outgoing, you're fun, have a job, and seem like everything goes right for you. You have no right..."

However, I have found that having a few friends I could call, IM, get out with, etc. was a HUGE help for me. They mostly came about from these forums. They weren't even local, but served as a wonderful foundation for me to grow upon.

Small steps get you there and it's great to allow yourself love and support.

If you do want to go the "local groups" route, you can run a search on any engine, like Google and come up with a lot. That's how I found mine.

Good luck,

LizE

[MML]

Hi Last Wonder,

Have you ever considered that binge eating disorder may also be about control?

By binge eating are you are controlling your feelings (helplessness? powerlessness? other emotions?) by dulling them, masking them and ignoring them. Binge eating does something for us that we somehow incorrectly perceive that we need, even if we don't understand what it's all about.

Start reading the literature about compulsive and binge eating. Surf the :bowl. Stay in touch.

Together we CAN recover!
:peace:love:clover

[Little Miss Perfect]

MML...

What you say here is very interesting. I think you're right - that we do continue to binge because we get something of these episodes. That in fact we are exercising a certain degree of control through this cycle - that we're inflicting this upon ourselves.

But what do you think we're out to prove?). I think there is a self-punishing component to this eating disorder. I have kept a religious food diary for the past six months and I noticed that I often binge just when I've started to feel good about my body, about myself. The bingeing seems an active exercise in taking myself down and being masochistic.

Has anyone else figured out not just triggers for binges, but perhaps larger psychological reasons why we might be doing this to ourselves?

[Roza]

I know I'm not going to be of much help with this, but... :sad
The thing is, I binge because I enjoy binging itself. What I get out of it is exactly those hours I spend lying on my bed with a good book and good food. This is a favourite pastime.
~R

[MML]

Hmmm...... Well, I've never really figured this one out. I too have binge episodes just when things are going well and I am feeling good about myself. I too enjoy sometimes enjoy the binge episodes while I am in the midst of it (but never after I always feel bad/drugged/dull/sad/like a failure.) I do also sometimes feel that I am punishing myself, but I don't think I am doing it on purpose. I think it IS punishment and so afterwards I know that I have inflicted punishment upon myself, but I don't think I do it because I like to suffer. I DONT like to suffer.

I do think that it is a (faulty) mechanism that I use as a tool for control. When uncomfortable feelings surface or I have a difficult day, I can dull the pain through binging. I also am controlling the type of pain that I suffer (self-inflicted body pain vs. emotional pain.)

OA addresses this in the first step, i.e. "I admit that I am powerless over food and my life has become unmanageable." In working the program I am trying to focus less on why, that on IS.

Together we CAN recover.
:peace:love:clover