new and feeling thoughtful

[LiainNM]

Hi all! I'm new here and thought I should post a little something about myself. I sort of fell into this place while reading some other information on compulsive overeating. I know I need this sort of place to vent and stretch this part of who I am...to do some healing and some sharing. AND hopefully some recovery!

For the last year I have been dealing with some childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by my brother. Beginning to deal with all of this stuff has made it clear to me that a lot of my weight issues stem from that scary time in my life. What I do know is that I want to live a long normal life without being so afraid of living...of intimacy and of letting go and being ME!!!

People think I am very put together and that my weight is the one area of my life that is somehow my "failure." What I wish I could tell them is that my life is a mess and my weight is just a demonstration of that. But people see and think what they want...and I am no longer concerned about pleasing EVERYONE...I am mostly concerned about pleasing myself and the Lord.

So if anyone has anything to say or add or pass along as advice...I'm totally open to it!

Thanks and God Bless!

[Allison LHF]

Just for the record, there is NO part of you that is a failure! Glad to see you have a positive attitude. Kepping yourself happy is much better (not to mention relatively less work) than keeping the whole world happy. You are only directly responsible for you. Welcome to the :bowl !

:bounce Allison :bounce

[MML]

Hi Y'all! I'm new too!

I've struggled with ED most of my life, binge eating being my primary ED.

LiainNW, your comments about what people think about you being the opposite of what you think your life is about really resonates with me. It is seems so very important to me to "keep up appearances" and, yet, what that means for me is that I live in constant fear that someone will find out what I'm "really" like. In fact I have an escapist fantasy about finally getting everything "under control" and THEN reaching out to let people in... (funny, I just found out something new about myself! Is this a great site or what?)

I think you are on the right track!

:peace :world :clover

[ARTgrrlOne]

:stars :hugon Liain :hugoff :stars

hey there! Just wanted to welcome you to the boards! I know you'll find tons of support here. Its great that you are finding out your issues and triggers. Sounds like your religion is really important to you as well, we have a spirituality forum so you should check that out too! :grin

take care!
:love
Ally :sun

[LiainNM]

Hi all...
Thanks again for the support and encouragement. That which was directed specifically my way, as well as, just your posts in general that keep my feet firmly planted in the desire to be real and overcome this.

This week was rough. Work is pretty stressful and I have a lot of responsibility. But it was a decent week. I was mostly in control of my eating this week and that makes me feel a tiny bit of sucess. The one night that I wasn't outwieghs some of the success. But I'll just keep pressing on.

I am on vacation this week and going on a family/friend camping trip in CO. I think my opportunities to closet eat will be limited due to being surrounded by lots of people all the time for the next **** days. So that is a good thing. The one thing I realize is that when I don't indulge my need to overeat I feel so much better physically, as well as, emotionally.

Anyway...hope everyone has a blessed weekend!