i'm going down

[starsong]

can anyone help me? I'm SO lonely it's unbelievable. It's been about **** months now since I've actually talked to a friend or seen anyone (friends/family).

I just sit and wallow in my loneliness by eating, so I"ve gained weight, which makes me ashamed and scared to see people, so I eat more, and it's just a huge cycle. I need major help.

I look disgusting but more importantly, I feel disgusting....and **** friends called this weekend, but I can't bring myself to call back- instead I just sit here completely depressed.

Has anyone been this isolated before, and how did you deal with it? Thanks so much.

[JolieAnn]

:hugonstarsong:hugoff,
Yes, I know very well how it feels to isolate. Most of the time, my only outlet to communicating with people is through the internet. I went upstate to visit some friends this weekend, but you know what, I still felt just as lonely as always. I am unhappy with myself, and until I can learn to appreciate my own company, it will be difficult to let others enjoy my company.
Feeling lonely is a definite binge trigger for a lot of compulsive eaters. Sometimes it helps to find an activity that I can do on my own to keep my mind occupied. However, the fact that your friends called you, means they miss you and want to see you. I know that it can be scary to actually leave the house and go out with other people, but there is a chance that you will have a wonderful time. Sometimes I have to really push myself to go see people, but you know, a lot of times, I really was happy that I went. If you ever want to talk, just feel free to e mail...love holly

[last_wonder]

Dear Starsong,

I can't speak for anyone else, but I myself am only too familiar with that "cycle". In fact I'm in exactly the same situation. I feel totally gross about my appearance all the time, and it's hindering my ability to function on a daily basis. I hate going to work not because of the work itself, but the part about having to face people that "know" me. The pressure of having to behave "normally" in front of others is suffocating. So in seek of comfort and to stop thinking, I eat and eat and eat more, which in turn causes more of the same shame, disgust, and antisocial behavior.

Sometimes I force myself to go out, only to be convinced to be miserable before I even start. And as I do always end up miserable, I blame myself for even trying. Right now I don't know how to handle this still. But I am infinitely grateful that I found this board and realized that I am not alone. I hope you will stop wallowing and start doing what's beneficial. and I hope I listen to myself as I say that.

Sincerely,
Zoey