I need help

[last_wonder]

Hi, I'm new here. I've been a compulsive overeater for I don't know how long (okay maybe I do, it's a long time). I am currently ********, female, working (actually writing at work). I only have my eating under control when I'm at work, or out, basically when I'm not alone because I don't binge in front of people. But as soon as I am alone it's totally out of control. I don't think when I eat, and I guess that's the comfort in it. Because otherwise all I do is think, think myself to a dead end. :P

Didn't mean for it to sound so depressing. Just wanted to write down what I feel. And I would love some support/help in getting this under control. I will write more later. Shouldn't do this at work...

Zoey

[JolieAnn]

Dear Zoey, i hate to do this because I want to write directly to you, but I just answered a very similar post by star song. My name is holly hobby. Please read my response to her because I would say the same exact thing to you. I'm sorry, I feel really stupid...

[Freaky Deaky]

Hey--
you've come to the right place for support!
That's all we got here--heaps and heaps of support.

As long as you are willing to start helping yourself, this is a wonderful place to meet wonderful people. We're all going through stuff so much like you--just like Hobby said, she hates to but read what she wrote for another girl. It's true though. I've been in her shoes--you type your heart out to one lost fishy only to realize you could cut, copy, and paste the stuff to another fishy. You just hope the other fishy will happen to read the other post, you don't want to sound impersonal.
Because this place is anything but impersonal--we all try our best to give encouragement when we can, and come here for support when we can't.

You say you can't control your eating when you are alone---try coming here and typing. I know it was easier for me to not binge when I was typing about how I hated binging.

SOMETIMES THOUGH, you might find you binge real hard after typing some stuff here. In a way, even this helps--you may realize what you were typing about and it's correllation with the need to binge--what I mean is, if a binge is out of boredom or loneliness, this board really really helps. If you binge because of some deeper less easily resolved issue, then beginning to think about it through typing, and making it surface could trigger you to binge--yuo know, to supress the thoughts.

Try and figure out what thoughts you are trying to suppress or what you are trying to avoid by eating alone.

I don't know--just keep coming back here!

If you work at it, this board will work at helping you be a happy healthy being. And one fine day, you won't really need this board so much, but you'll come back here occasionally to offer support to poor lost fishies, or get some support and laughs from great fishies you've met here.

You take care of yourself.

[pooh bear fan]

welcome to the :bowl

i am in recovery from bulimia and coe/bed and one thing that striked me about your post was when you said that you don't binge in front of others but that you binge when you're alone ~ i can completely relate.

for myself a major issue was lonliness, i ate for comfort and during my recovery process i had to really look at that (still do!).

anyway, i just wanted to say that :ear you, i relate and please feel free to email me ~ poohisforme@hotmail.com

[starsong]

You're definitely not alone, and it's wonderful to have this forum. I feel the exact same way, and it's therapeutic to just know there are others out there going through the same ritual. I haven't eaten in front of anyone in SO long... maybe a year even.

I'm still binging everyday though. And I start the next day saying "This day will be different." But the days get longer and longer, and next thing I know, I'm sitting alone, binging in front of this computer in my apt, reading all these entries. It sounds so counter-productive- to be binging while reading others' comments about not binging.

Please feel free to email me. I haven't been replying to these messages bc it's embarrassing to not have control when I'm alone. But I'd love to hear from you or anyone else who has the time.

Take care.

[last_wonder]

Thanks everyone for responding to my post. I have been reading the messages on this board. Just haven't felt that I have enough to contribute.

I know I binge out of boredom, and so much more. It's almost like I do it intentionally and purposely to sabotage myself. My mentality is that I don't deserve to be healthy and lead a normal life. I guess I've done this for so long this is "normal" for me and any change is too much a shock to my system that I somehow convince myself that I need this. I don't suppose I like or respect myself very much to feel this way, I'm working on that.

I am very grateful I found this website. I've always known there are people like me out there, but haven't really gotten in touch with any. Eating for me is such a control game. Of course there are cravings and hunger involved, but most of it is about other aspects of my life. I feel something is missing, I'm not fulfilled. Until I figure out what that is and how I can go about doing something about it, I guess it'll be very difficult to really get binging under control. After all, this is an escape mechanism...

Again, thanks everyone. I have a feeling I'll get a chance to get to know each and every one of you very well. We share something so intimate. And we will conquer our demons together.

Zoey