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View Full Version : What do you REALLY mean when you say that ur fine?


starbrightstarlight
07-11-2001, 12:51 PM
I know that i have for the longest time told people that im "fine" or "ok" when im really the opposite and needing someone really badly. I dunno y i do this, i think its becuase i dont want them to worry about me.

This topic came up in my therapy session yesterday and my T asked me what do i really think that im saying when i say im fine. He told me that fine really means that im saying that im:

Fucked up, emotional, neurotic and insecure

Now before you all get :mad at my T for saying this he did NOT mean it in the way that im sure some of you are thinking. He said that he ment it like this:

That i am really looking for someone to reach out and say that they are there. For someone to reach out and press me to talk because talking is what im really looking for, but instead of saying that i need to talk i say im "fine" He said that im feeling either fucked up, insecure,nuerotic or emotional but instead of coming out and saying that i just repley im "fine" I really hope that makes sense to you.

So my question to you :fishy ies is this:

What are you really saying when you are saying im fine, or im ok? What is really behind that? What are you really needing?

kailyn
07-11-2001, 01:53 PM
:hugon :stars light :stars bright :hugoff
I mean, please ask me again, please say 'no you're not, i can tell' please care that im saying this with such a desperate look in my eyes, please...please i have to talk...

kristieannesmama
07-11-2001, 03:14 PM
Mini-me....I love ya hun! I am fine....
I don't really know what I mean....
Take care!

girlywhirl
07-11-2001, 03:31 PM
:hugon Jenna :hugoff

::::giggles:::: My therapist always tells me that, and usually, when I say I am fine, I am really

FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, & EMOTIONAL

And that's what I am. :winky

LoveDanceBallet
07-11-2001, 03:39 PM
I mean that I want to see if u can see right through me. I want to know that you love me. I want to be needed and to not feel like a waste. Today I am doing just fine. I want to be loved by you and I want you to see that I am not happy. I want you to see I am lying to you and I want you to forgive me.

ballerinagirl
07-11-2001, 03:47 PM
Fucked up
Neurotic
Insecure
Emotional

Yup, sounds about right.:sarcasm

Sometimes I'm saying I don't want to talk about it, sometimes it's a test to see if they know me, sometimes I'm just begging someone to see through it. Fine and ok are two of my favourite words:cheesy, especially cause people don't realize just how relative a term OK is.:ugh

Love Sarah

urbanfaerie
07-11-2001, 04:34 PM
FINE

Hmmm...what everyone else said.

When I say "I'm FINE." it means I am HURTING, that I don't want to talk about it, but maybe I do. It's testing if the person really wants to listen. Because if they don't want to listen, they will leave it at "Fine".

savage_garden_girl
07-11-2001, 05:55 PM
Hmm..good question!
I'm not really sure what I mean when I say fine. I use "fine" all the time, and my mother always gives me the response, "How are you really?" It drives her nuts when I use "fine".
I think I use "fine" when I don't know how I feel, when I don't want to talk, or when I want to be transparent, you know what I mean?

But I also use it when I'm actually okay too.
I think I use "fine" way too much! It means way too many things in my head!!:winky
:loveLaura:bounce

Snapdragon
07-11-2001, 07:53 PM
:hugon :stars bright :stars light :hugoff

Great question!

I mean,"please don't be concerned about me because I hate when people are concerned about me", or "everything sucks but I don't know how to talk about it", or "I don't trust you enough to tell you what's really wrong", or "please ask again and help me to talk about this because I really need to and can't".

Snapdragon :dragon

starbrightstarlight
07-11-2001, 08:08 PM
:hugon :bowl :hugoff

Thank for the replies, i just thought we could all use a post that made us dig a little deep :grin.

I know that the ed takes so much away from us and i know that sometimes we need to dig deep, i sure know that i do, and i think that this was a post to help me as well as to help all of you wonderful :fishy ies.

Urbanfaarie summed it up best for me when she said : When I say "I'm FINE." it means I am HURTING, that I don't want to talk about it, but maybe I do. It's testing if the person really wants to listen. Because if they don't want to listen, they will leave it at "Fine".

That is fine for me, it is too see if they really want to talk. When i tell my best friend that i am fine, and she tries to push me to talk, then i know that she wants to listen and help me which is usually most of the time. When she just leaves it at fine, it means that shes ina bad mood or she doesnt really want to get into a lenghty conversation because she has things to do or whatever.

Anyway *hugs* to the :bowl i :love you all and i hope that you are all having a good :flower day. Stay strong and keep fighting and :kickin cuz ur all worth it!

buttercup_fairie
07-11-2001, 08:08 PM
:hugon leah :hugoffwow, talk about getting someone to think :winky

i guess for me i'm fine means:
:stars i can't talk about it right now, please just hug me
:stars i don't know, it's too tough to figure it out right now
:stars it doesn't matter how i really am, if you can't tell i'm lieing, then there's "nothing" wrong
:stars emotional
:stars unsure of myself

heavenlee
07-11-2001, 08:25 PM
" I'm Fine " = on a scale of one to ten (ten being the absolute best) I am at about minus five, but I will survive.

:bandwagon

semolina
07-11-2001, 08:54 PM
It's all a matter of the sincerity on the part of the person who asks. If it's an acquaintance, "Fine" is just the standard reply to a standard greeting, "Hi! How are you?" They're not looking for your life story, you're probably not looking to give it to them.

To a friend, "fine" can either be a test as others have mentioned, seeing if your friend 'really' wants to know how you're doing or is just being polite (or has their own issues they really want to get to). Usually it's either preceded by or followed by a shrug, indicating either nothing exciting is happening and you're pissed about that, or you've got issues and are hedging on how much you want to divulge.

To a boyfriend, "Fine" almost always means, "You are so fucking dense. If you really care about me and know who I am, you'll know I'm anything but and not rest until I tell you *exactly* how I feel."

To a parent, "Fine" usually means, "Not really. I've got issues but you're my parents and you're just going to disapprove of what I'm doing, so let's not talk about it, and pretend everything's okay, alright?"

To a therapist, gee, I don't know *what* "Fine" would mean. I mean, you wouldn't be going if you were fine, right? No offense, but it seems like a kind of silly thing to say to a therapist ;-) If a therapist asked how you were and you said, "Fine", I would assume that would almost always be a lead-in, until you feel comfortable enough to really bare your soul.

derockette
07-11-2001, 10:58 PM
What a great thread! If I had a quarter for every time someone asked me how I was and I just responded, "fine" I'd be a millionaire

What I really mean when I say that I'm "fine" is [i][b] "Can't you read through my answer.. I'm not fine... I need your help but I'm too afraid to ask." [b][i]

If only people could see through my answer.... they'd know that I'm too scared to tell the truth and to let down my wall....

JennaJen
07-11-2001, 11:16 PM
i mean that i am...

:scared scared
:sad alone/lonely
:cry sad
and wanting so desperately for someone/anyone to understand




and i miss tim

starbrightstarlight
07-12-2001, 07:56 AM
:hugon :bowl :hugoff Im fine means so many different things to so many different people. Sometimes i use it as a test other times i use it when i really dont know what im feeling or what is going on with me. I want someone to force me to talk to rip it outta me. Usually when i say im fine to my best friend she knows right away that im lying and she ususally tries to get me to talk. But im fine to anyone else is usually just a test. I dunno. :hugon :bowl :hugoff i :love you all.

kristieannesmama
07-12-2001, 08:17 AM
OK......part two:

When I say "fine", I mean:

"Everything is peachy keen and I am feeling good about everything" (this is NOT too often, but it does happen!)

"I don't want to talk now, but PLEASE look at me and show you are concerned about me...maybe give me a hug?" (A LOT more often!)

"I am p'oed right now, so leave me the @#@% alone!" (About the end of my month I get like this LOL!)

I hate when someone asks me how I am doing and then just nods and says "that's good" and launches into their own little problem! That annoys me to NO end!

Well...now I have dug deep, and I am tired. I need to go to sleep!

starbrightstarlight
07-12-2001, 09:17 AM
I hate when someone asks me how I am doing and then just nods and says "that's good" and launches into their own little problem! That annoys me to NO end!

I hate that too, its like they were just asking to be polite, but they really dont care :ugh, that annoys me to no end. :mad.

:hugon Big Me :hugoff

I :love you!

:hugon little me :hugoff

I :love you

:hugon :bowl :hugoff

I :love you

isobel
07-12-2001, 10:04 AM
WOW, I can totally relate to this. I am totally forbidden to use the word "FINE" during therapy anymore. I thought I was so sly and I shifted to "all right" and now that has been forbidden. One time I told my boyfriend he could ask me any question he wanted about me and I would promise to answer it honestly (just think of what he could have asked....:grin) and he said, "what does FINE really mean."

To me fine means:

:stars I don't know how to tell you what is wrong.
:stars I am afraid to tell you what is wrong.
:stars I don't want to tell you
:stars How smart are you really? Are you really going to accept this answer?
:stars I'm hurt and you are the last person I would open up to in the world
:stars I don't know how I am b/c I can't identify my feelings
:stars F#$k you, I am not telling you anything.
:stars This is a safe answer.
:stars I want to pretend nothing is wrong.
:stars I don't want to talk right now but I want you to be aware that something is wrong


hmm...i could keep going and going. i guess i really do need to expand my vocabulary, but FINE just seems to be the safest answer.

:love isobel

SweetBerry
07-12-2001, 10:19 AM
When I say that I am okay or fine, I really mean that I am hurting so much inside that I don't know what else to say. When I say that I am okay, I need a friend and a hug because I am so sad and don't know how to make the feeling go away.

starbrightstarlight
07-12-2001, 07:34 PM
:boink Fine to me also means that i really need the support of my lemur (JoJo) and i could really use a :hugon :hugoff but i am too :shy to ask for one or im having trouble using my voice :sad. :boink :boink :boink :boink

Thanx to everyone who has answered this thread, this has helped me out a lot and has given me so good info. It is interesting to see what FINE means to everyone.

:hugon :bowl :hugoff

Rora
07-12-2001, 09:34 PM
Mmmm.... fine.

I use fine as a synonym for "piss off" if I'm annoyed, or "none of your damn business" if its someone who is insincere about their question (Such as in a business meeting, where "how are you?" is asked as a formality, but nobody gives a dang about the answer)

Everyone else hears the truth.
"How are you?"
"I'm having a good day today, even though I caught a spoon in the garbage disposal this morning"

"How are you?"
"Today just feels like a crummy day, I don't know why"

Fine isn't much in my vocabulary anymore.

Its been really interesting to read the other :fishy ies posts here, and see how they use the word.
Great post idea, :stars light !

-AuroraRose

alacer
07-13-2001, 01:55 AM
At the partial programI was in for SI we were not allowed to ever say we were fine because they used the fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional saying there.

But to me, fine means that I don't know what it is that I am feeling. ANd that I am too scared to look below the surface of the water and swim a little deeper to find out what is there.

Sometimes fine means back off and get away from me becasue you don't deserve an answer.

:hairylexie:)<><

starbrightstarlight
07-13-2001, 07:50 AM
:yay :muhaha :yay

Lets keep this thread going :muhaha

Only eight more replies and this will be a hot topic :yay

I have NEVER had a :sun hot topic before, whooooooo im gettin excited now lol.

Thanx for the support :hugon :bowl :hugoff, I :love you all!

Malissa
07-13-2001, 08:03 AM
When I say that I'm fine it usually means that I need to talk about something but I don't always have the words to say what I need to say. Most people who know me understand that fine means things aren't ok, and bullshit Malis is a popular response to this.
Take care.
:love
Malissa

urbanfaerie
08-24-2001, 08:40 PM
:boinkBUMP:boink

sib
08-24-2001, 08:49 PM
I, too have been told "FINE" = Fucked up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional! To me, when I say fine, it's always with a big smile on my face, you know "Oh, I'm fine, thank you for asking" and then the internal monologue continues, "but you really don't want to know how I am because you would think I'm crazy, and I would break down and curl up into a ball and probably never stop crying, so I will tell you I'm fine because you don't really care, you're just making small talk and trying to be polite, and so I will die inside but never stop smiling on the outside"...THAT is what fine means to me!

Boy it felt good to say that! Thank you...what a great idea!

:love Sib

Anonymous_Member004
08-24-2001, 09:40 PM
i guess i'm a cynic,,,if someone asks me 'how are you", to me it is just "polite talk" and the expected response is "fine, thank you". i never felt anyone REALLY wanted to actually hear how i am really doing. a part of me too says "i'm fine, thank you", meaning, i don't want to talk about it. good topic. i need to think more about this,,,,


:shysabbi:kitty

cheveres
08-24-2001, 09:44 PM
I hate when people as me how I'm doing because about ninety nine percent of the time they really don't care so I always say I'm fine. If they actually do care it throws me back, now what do I say? I'm at a loss of words, I can't tell them how I really feel cuz that means I'm always dragging that particular person down with my problems. Not cool. Fine to me is a safe place to hide your real feelings.

majorettechica
08-24-2001, 10:04 PM
wow, this post made me realise how truely stupid i am.

I say im fine or im ok, because, I want someone to notice im hurting and know that i need to talk, but they'll have to genuinely care, cause i dont wanna burden anyone with my problems. but when they do notice, i get annoyed.

how stupid am i??


:love always :love
:eye :ufo :hairy :bounce Emily :bounce :hairy :ufo :eye

starbrightstarlight
08-24-2001, 10:18 PM
Wow, this was an old thread, but im glad that it was bumped back up. I feel that this is an important topic because it helps us to reconize some unhealthy behavior, and find ways that maybe we can fix it. I :love you all, hope that you are all doing okay!

LoveDanceBallet
08-24-2001, 11:24 PM
WOAH THIS HAS ARISEN FROM THE DEAD!!! LOL! well my answer is still the same... i want u to see through the bull shit cuz we both no im not "fine" so help me!!! lol thats what i mean. plz excuse my lang.

starbrightstarlight
06-07-2002, 06:30 AM
Hey there :fishy ies

I know that this post is like a century old :sarcasm :muhaha but there are so many new :fishy ies in the :bowl that I thought that I would bring this back up. I was going through some old posts and found this and I thought that it really helped so many people so I figured that I would bring it back up! I hope that nobody else minds and if you do please let me know! I :love you all!

Bilbo
06-07-2002, 08:58 AM
When I say 'I'm fine' or 'I'm OK.' I think I am really saying...

'I'm NOT fine, but I don't know how to tell you. Please don't leave me here...ask again...don't believe me I am NOT fine!'

I also don't want to burden people..

It's kind of like...'Not waving, but drowning.'

randomreflections
06-07-2002, 08:59 AM
:muhaha

Yeah in 'feelings' group at Hampstead(the group RIGHT after lunch :ugh) that word was forbidden....actually all 'four letter words' as we called them. Fine stood for: freaked out, insecure, nuerotic, and emotional.

than no okay's, no goods, etc.

But now :muhaha Im on the outside, and no one really cares. Every couple of months I will bump into someone who *really* wants to know how I am *really* doing. Scenerio:
'How are you doing Liz?'
"ohh :cheesy (good/fine/allright)"
"Really? How are you really doing? :challenge"
"::::blabbering:::: umm yeah oh I am just....:ummm great?!"

TOTALLY throws me for a loop!!!!! What is that?!?! Nobody is supposed to REALLY want to know the TRUTH! Really care?!?!
:muhaha Thanx for the post. :winky

Crystalbelle
06-07-2002, 10:27 AM
:hugon :stars Starlight starbright :stars :hugoff

Hmmmmmmmm

Usually when i say I'm fine i am anything but fine. It's a scream to the other person to go into kicking my butt mode and to make me confess and break down in tears casue i'm usually soooo bottled up that i need someone to torment me and not leave me alone.

"i'm fine" means that i'm hurting like crazy, i'm emotionally strained, I feel like absolute shit and i'd rather not talk abour it. It's a ploy to make me keep up the happy go lucky perfectly non flawed image i fight sooo hard to cast.

"i'm fine" is a total bull shit phrase that i learn to cast aside some day.
hugs and :kiss 's

lovtophish
06-07-2002, 12:06 PM
good thread!!!

When I say I'm "fine" it means ...I'm not okay, but I have to be strong and handle it all on my own. My good friends know that if I say I'm "peachy keen jelly bean" then I'm not okay and if they push I will probably talk about it.

Steph

CocoBean
06-07-2002, 04:14 PM
My answer is a lot like everyone elses. Generally i am not fine, but i am testing to see if they really want to know. Sometimes i have gotten into trouble because i never talk to people when i am struggling, and people tell me not to expect others to be mind readers and that i have to ask for help, but sometimes i really just want to know if someone cares enough to really ask and listen. Many times they don't really want to hear how i'm doing but it's just a formality and i don't want to get all deep on them when they really don't care or have the time.

CocoBean :stars

wookus
06-07-2002, 05:31 PM
You guys are funny!
Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotionally unstable

Hair is fine, "how's your hair? Fine."

My friends know when I say I am fine that I am in big trouble. Other than that I use words like good, or well but fine has its own meaning that they all know. Fine means time to get help. Fine means, Don't leave Brooke alone. Fine is a very charged word.
Brooke

Sonrisa
06-07-2002, 07:15 PM
This is so true! When I say I am fine or okay usually I am struggling and having a hard time. I usually want someone to talk to,but I hate being a burden sometimes. Of course usually I try to tell them how I am really doing, but if I say fine or okay something is going on. A lot of :fishy already know this in talking to me as when I am :happy or doing good. I usually say I am great or good or I tell them how I am feeling. A fine and okay doesn't pass for some of them. :bowtie

Didi
06-07-2002, 08:45 PM
Fine=Fucked up, emotional, neurotic and insecure

I heard this when I was at Renfrew day and for me that statement is true:sad:ummm When I say "I am fine" that means "I am feeling.......:sad:mad:ugh

Jen
06-07-2002, 10:33 PM
Hello :bowl!

Fine can mean many things to many people or at different times. For example..........

Fine can mean "I don't want to talk about it." Like my math professor who is convinced I have an ed and always asks me how I am. "I'm fine (and please don't ask again. Hmm maybe I can distract you by trying to prove the fundamental theorem of calculus)"

Fine can mean I need you but I feel like that's unfair so I'm going to try to protect you. Like when my dad asked me if I thought I'd be ok for awhile while he went to work (which he really needed to do) during one of my multiple ICU admissions. "I'll be fine, (I know I'm being unfair by needing you) "

Fine can mean I'm scared and I really hope everything will be ok. Like recently when my mother had to put in a new arterial line and she was doing her usual explanation thing and then she was like Ok? "Fine.. (and maybe if I keep saying it I'll start to believe it) " Fortunately it was ok. And the line was in on the first stick (always a plus)!

Fine can mean I don't know how to explain. For months I told my boyfriend (now fiance) Chris that I was fine before I found the courage to tell him the truth about my eating disorder and it's complications.

I have to admit I've been fortunate. The people I really care about and who care about me have gotten pretty good at interpreting exactly how "fine" things really are. And I'm working on expanding my vocabulary and expressing more rather than less.

On a more optimistic note there are times when fine is just that. When things really are ok. I think then the smile gives it away. Here is hoping we all have many more truly "fine" moments.

:love,
Jen:bear

tianna
06-07-2002, 11:00 PM
Fine/ok versus Good

well when I say "i'm good" i mena I am doing well....

what do i mean when I say I am "fine/ok":

:butterfly I mean I am NOT fine/ok..and please dont ask and just switch subjects.

:butterfly I mean I am hurting and need someone to tell me that I am cared about.

:butterfly I really mean, give me a hug and comfort me..

:butterfly I mean I am scared, alone, angry, sad, :cry, overwhelmed, exhausted, abndoned, agrivated, unloved, and many more things i cant seem to find words for.

:butterfly I really MEAN STICK AROUND AND WAIT FOR AN ANSWER, LISTEN TO ME, HEAR ME, VALIDATE WHAT I AM SAYIN, TELL ME WHAT I SAY MEANS SOMETHING..

:butterfly I mean that I am NOT FINE!!!!

I mean ask me again and listen to what I am trying to say...realize that i am scared and always have to be the strong one....that is why I am always FINE!!
:love

Tap Freak
06-08-2002, 04:03 PM
Good question Starlightstarbright!

I think for me "I'm fine" translates into "I don't want to talk about what's making me be NOT fine".

When I was in therapy my T would start every session by asking "how are you" to which I'd reply "fine". Then she would reply with the question "how are you REALLY". Then I would say "OK" and she would :challenge that again.

I like the analogy "fucked up, insecure, neurotic, emotional" - never heard that before. Thanks for sharing. :shy

:love TF

rubygrrl
06-08-2002, 08:14 PM
I saw my t on Thursday, and she asked me how I was, and surprise, surprise, guess what my response was? Yep, you've got it - the old standard "fine" response. She quizzed me on it, and asked "define what fine is for you". Oh boy, that was definitely a tough one.

Okay, I'm going a bit off tangent here.

Fine/Ok/Grand for me usually means:

* I am not sure - don't really know what I am feeling

* I don't want to say, don't want to talk about

* It's not important

* Why should you care

* You would not want to know anyway

* Hanging in

* Struggling

* Hurting

Think that's about it, but as some fishies already said, it all depends on who does the asking too.

Great post!

snoopynose
06-08-2002, 08:29 PM
Whenever I say "I'm fine" which is all the time, I also don't want to worry the other person, particularly, my parents. :ummm This is one of the few places that I can really say that I'm not fine. :touched I really (deep down inside) want people to say,

:stars "No you're not fine. Let me help you,"

or sometimes, I just want a hug. :gimmehug

:love
Snoopy

:bandwagon

majorettechica
06-08-2002, 10:49 PM
it means the EXACT opposite to me. translation:

everything is fucked up, i am crying and im hurting.


And it means i want/need someone to reach out to me and show they care.

luxe
06-11-2002, 07:23 AM
For me it means "I know you love me so I'm not going to worry you any more than I already have, now let's drop it."

thinking
06-12-2002, 08:46 AM
:star bright,

when I say 'I'm fine' I basically mean 'Don't worry about me'. However, I have two variations to that...:cute :

*'I'm hurting, but please just leave me alone there's nothing you can do, and don't worry about me, it's not like it's going to kill me'

-or-

*'Don't worry, I am actually feeling good, nothing is wrong' And honestly meaning that.

The amazing thing is that the people who know me better can usually tell which one it is. (Which drives me mad sometimes when I'm using number one and just want to be left ALONE)

good post:love

:greenfish Sara

jesla
06-17-2002, 12:12 AM
I've talked about this with my T. When i say I'm fine, i pretty much mean that i am not feeling safe enough to REALLY say how I'm doing. But if I say "I'm okay"-- it means just that--- that i am doing ok right then.

starbrightstarlight
06-17-2002, 07:14 AM
:hugon :bowl :hugoff

Hopefully one day we can ALL REALLY BE FINE and OKAY!!!

rowgirl
06-17-2002, 10:41 AM
This is such a good question. Whenever someone asks me how I am, I almost always say that I am fine, or okay. It's become second nature now, even when I feel like my world is going to fall apart. Even though I say that I am fine, I am almost always not fine and relly needing some support and encouragement. I also think that what hurts the most is that when I tell people I am fine, they rarely every ask "why are you just fine?" or "just okay?" It's like they really don't care. So I find that it's easier to just not say anything at all

going back into hiding before someone asks me how I am doing today

Allie

starbrightstarlight
06-17-2002, 08:19 PM
:hugon :bowl :hugoff

BUMP

rubygrrl
06-22-2002, 07:38 AM
I have added to my original list, and think (*yikes*) that I might actually post my reply to my t. I see her Sunday week, so will let you know if she comments on it or not (presuming that I do go ahead and post it). Only time will tell.

My updated version follows:

When I say I am fine/ok/grand it usually means:

*I am not sure - don't really know what I am feeling

* I don't want to say, don't want to talk about it

* Agh, leave me alone!

* Agh, what's the point!

* I don't care anymore

* I am anything but

* It's not important

* It doesn't matter

* Why should you care

* You would not want to know anyway

* Hanging in

* Struggling

* Hurting

* Lousy

* Weak

* Pathetic

* Failure

* Idiot

* Stupid

* Scared

* This is a safe answer, so let's leave it ok!

* Just give a hug, ok? :O ( Not that I would ever voice that, because that would be scary).

* I'm smiling, so everything's hunky dory ok (*sarcasm* here)

* Can you not see beneath the mask?

* Do you really have to ask?

* I don't want to be a burden, so please leave it!

* I'm fed up with life

* I don't want to go on like this anymore

Also, for a few people I respond with "good", because they do not accept my fine/ok/grand answers. So in these cases good means the exact same thing.

Heavenly Sent Kiss
06-22-2002, 07:59 AM
:hugon StarbrightStarlight :hugoff

When I say "I'm fine/I'm okay" I really mean "I'm not fine, I'm not okay. Please notice how I'm feeling and say something because I've been "conditioned" :winky:cool:grin to say I'm fine/okay even though I'm not really and I don't want to hurt or worry you by telling you the truth. I'm also scared that you won't understand how I feel and will laugh at me if I tell you how I'm really feeling. I'm lying though; I'm certainly not okay/fine. Please, please see that!"

claradancer
06-23-2002, 04:20 AM
When I say "I'm fine" I usually mean "I'm NOT fine" Fine to me is actually sometimes just an attempt to get people to leave me alone. Other times it's a cry for help. A please don't believe me, I'm not really fine at all. Fine often means I'm struggling or something's bothering me. Every now and then "I'm fine" really does mean that "I'm good", but too often it means just the opposite.

:love
Angela

lexi gal
06-23-2002, 09:31 AM
you all are really really smart. evrything you wrote is what i feel you all are really really smart. evrything you wrote is what i feel each day and each time somebody asks me how i am. no, im not fine but nobody need to know.
i hurt and
im sad.
lexi

brwnEMT
06-23-2002, 09:58 AM
I've avoided this post for so long....I think I need to answer it now!:ugh

When I say "I'm fine," and whoever has asked me says "No, you're not, what's wrong?" My "I'm fine" is followed by "don't worry about it.".....which gets a "well maybe I want to worry about it" response from whoever.
Then I end up stalling and changing the subject, and that's the end of it. My T and I are working on that, since it's been causing some problems (not telling people how I feel, etc)....so we shall see:ummm
:love and :sun
Nikki

derockette
06-23-2002, 10:25 AM
:hugon :stars light :stars bright :hugoff

I know I've answered this before.. but I think this post resurfaced at the perfect time for me..

When I said "I'm fine" or "nothings wrong" I really mean....

:bullet please don't believe me
:bullet please ask me again
:bullet i'm hurting and scared and i don't know how to put it into words
:stars i'm scared if I tell the truth, you'll think different of me. :sad

seenikrun
06-23-2002, 05:24 PM
I say "I'm fine", to sugar coat the way I am feeling at the time.
The truth is I always feel so fucked up inside. I know that its not normal to feel that way but why should let any one else see that in me. So I say "I'm fine".
But I guess I really want to scream, I am NOT fine!!!!! I havent been fine in ages and I am miserable living in the shitty excuse of a body!

I also feel that it would be redundant if everytime a person asked me how I was I had the same reply of how depressed and shity I felt.
I guess the truth hurts:(

twinklestr
06-23-2002, 05:56 PM
I say that i am fine or ok because i am scared that if i say that i am good, no one will care anymore because they think that i really am doing good.
:love Devyn

starbrightstarlight
04-20-2003, 08:37 AM
BUMP!!

Since we have so many new :fishy ies I decided to bring this post back from the dead :sarcasm. I hope nobody minds and if you do then I will remove it. I :love you all!

Penny Lane
04-20-2003, 11:14 AM
Fine to me ....it's just the opposite...i'm usually slightly angry that whoever i'm talking to can't see how badly i'm hurting or how sad or mad i may be...usually i feel like a jerk because i am wanting someone else to care about me...:ugh. But the fucked up, etc. line is brillant. As is this post. :winky Thanks for the multiple bumps Starbrightstarlight. :happy:bounce:happy

curlyQtiffy
04-20-2003, 11:35 AM
:bult fucked up, insecure, neurotic, emotional :bult
yeah that pretty much sums it up. I always say "fine" or "alright, i guess" when people ask me how I am. For me it means...
:stars "You wouldn't understand so there's no point in telling you how I really feel."
:stars "Quit questioning me and go away."
:stars "I'm not in a good place and I don't know what to do."
:stars "I wish I was fine but since I'm not I'll just lie."
:stars "Ask me what's really going on."
:stars "Please don't tell me all about your awful day when you don't care to hear about mine."
:stars "I'm alright...I guess...well no I'm not but you don't care."

...hm...some of those don't agree...I guess it just depends on who's asking the question and what mood I'm in. great post!

shacki
04-20-2003, 04:35 PM
:hugon :stars light :stars bright :hugoff

wow this is the post that just keeps going and going and going :winky

well i agree...fucked up insecure neurotic emotional basically sums it up....

as :hugon katie :hugoff said back in the day...it means please see that i'm not ok, please care, please help (or something similar to that anyway)

i wonder how many responses it will get this time? :cheshire

:love

heatherd
04-20-2003, 07:35 PM
Wow, did your post ever hit home. I'm always saying I'm fine and ok. When I was getting really sick last summer I felt like screaming at people - can't you see I"m not FINE. As I begin to relapse I almost think the same thing. I'm fine, I'm ok. But a little voice is always saying - NO YOU"RE NOT. Thanks for your thoughts

Schultzy
04-20-2003, 10:04 PM
I like this post.

"Fine" to me means - "please ask again, maybe I'll have the guts to answer you honestly this time".

I usually say "I'm fine" because I am expected to be fine. No matter how sick I have been, my extended family have always seen me as the intelligent, level-headed, strong, in-control one. What a joke. How can someone who starves themselves into oblivion be level-headed and in-control? It's bullshit but how can I let them down right? It's what they want to believe so who am I to rain on their parade? So...when they ask, yes, I am ALWAYS "fine" .

Maybe because I always tell them that and they expect me to be the honest one too then that is why they think it.

Who knows, this made me think. Thank you.

tiger cub
04-20-2003, 10:15 PM
when i say i'm FINE, i mean a few things......

:bullet there's a lot going on inside of me but i don't want to say it out openly b/c it's much easier for me to hide things inside

:bullet that i really wish i was "fine" (ie. nothing would be bothering me)

:bullet that i don't want to talk about what's going on with a specific person--like someone i don't know very well--so fine is just the easiest thing to say to get them to leave me alone

:bullet that there's a lot going on but i don't want people to really know about it b/c i want them to think that i'm ok, that i don't have any problems, that i'm not struggling with stuff

:bullet that i want to be left alone b/c it's too painful to talk about

however, the exception to these is if someone i really trust and feel close to asks me how i am and i say i'm fine, i really want them to probe and nudge me to open up more--only b/c i know i can be honest with them and they won't judge me

soccercutie
04-20-2003, 10:41 PM
I mean..."actually i'm not fine, i'm doing horrible, ask me again so I can say i need help." i want to cry, help me out please..". Oh how i wish i could say that everytime i say "i'm fine"

take care-Holly:kiss

MeToo
04-21-2003, 03:38 AM
I was told that "fine" was a Christian's four letter "f" word......

I use it a lot. Usually it means I'm lying like a rug. And some days its enough for me to be able to appear fine, even if I'm really not.

Or especially if I'm really not.....

starbrightstarlight
04-21-2003, 07:20 AM
:hugon :bowl :hugoff

These are great :yay. I am really glad to be reading these!!

I have a :challenge for you :fishy ies.

:challenge The next time someone asks how you are try and answer with something besides fine/okay/alright etc. Try to tell them how you REALLY feeling (unless its a stranger, then just zip your lip :winky) :challenge

You :fishy ies had to know this :challenge was coming :winky :sarcasm didn' t you? lol :muhaha.

:love love :love and :hugon :bowl :hugoff s to the :bowl always!

Jezebel
04-21-2003, 10:11 PM
When I say that I am "fine" it usually means
Thoughts are spinning in my head, but I don't know where to start.
Please call me on my lie and please know that I am not fine.
I am struggling so much, yet I am afraid to admit it because I don't want to disappoint you.
I am hurting inside, please take the pain away.

Yenevoc
04-24-2003, 12:30 PM
When I say I'm fine it can mean,

:snowman I feel really bad and that I do not deserve your support. I want you to see that I'm not and push me or walk away. I am terrified of opening up to you and being rejected because you have too much of your own stuff to deal with so I end up feeling bad for hurting you.

:snowman I will survive. I am really struggling but you do not need to be seriously worried and I deffinitely don't want you to take any action.

Within my trampoline club 'I'm fine' usually means you are hurt (no one comes out with it otherwise.) So we get I'm in one piece or I'm not hurt as apposed to I'm fine :ummm :supergrin 'It'll be fine ' is another one that usually get 'Uh Huh' in suitibly sarcastic tones as a response!

:hugon :bowl :hugoff
:love
hilary