I cant take this anymore

[Seabiscuit]

Hi fishies :bandwagon
I hope you are all doing well -
I'm posting because I am really mad and upset right now - at myself and at my friend and I need some advice - if you all dont mind

I have this friend of mine, I'll call her 'Linda' - well the two of us have been friends for almost a year and we have gone through a lot - the good and the bad, the happy, the sad
Up until today things were going well - smoooth and no speedbumps or potholes in our relationship for awhile - we had been getting along really well - kind of like something that usually hadnt happened because we would get into our "tiffs" or "rough spots" and things would take a dive for the not so good - we'd start getting ticked off at each other about stuff and really fight! But then in the good parts of the relationship - we were always laughing and sharing hilarious jokes and just stuck together like glue almost

I recently decided to start personal fitness training and Linda and I were talking about the gym I belonged to and the people who worked there - and she said, "There is this really hot guy, John who came into the pharmacy" (where she works) And after we talked for a few mins, I told her she was talking about the personal trainer I was starting to work with, today was my first day - we giggled and chatted and I joked with her that when I would see him today I would tell him who she was at the store ...
Well, so I am working out with John and another personal trainer in the room was telling his sister to start personal training with John, and the other trainer mentions how the sister was saying, "oh he is such a hottie, he's so cute" , John is blushing and thinking this is so stupidly funny- well I start to giggle and crack up - and John is like - 'whats so funny?' i said 'well a friend of mine works at the pharmacy- she wears a blue jacket,' - 'oh is that the really friendly one?' 'yup thats her- well i was telling her that I was going to come work out and her and I were both talking about the same thing, she was saying - oh hes really cute - ' and i was saying 'oh yeah, hes really funny too - i know thats him'

So John and I keep on going with the workout and I said to him - "Well at least I'm not the only one who said that-" "what?" I looked at him like you know - and he just blew it off like whatever - and then forgot about it

Well Linda calls me and I tell her how physically hard the workout was and then I mention about the personal trainers sister saying he was cute, and then I said that her and i were talking about the same thing -
and she says 'You said that to him?' I said - 'well we were just laughing and having fun - he totally forgot about it' She says, 'well I'm just not the kind of person who goes up to someone and says that they're hot- i cant believe you said that!' I said 'i just said we were joking about it and i put myself in the situation more than you- it wouldnt matter to me what friend it was - i just meant it in good fun' Silence. 'I didnt mean to offend you in any way - I was just having fun and joking around and I'm sorry I said something -' then we just ended the conversation

I just am so mad at myself for opening up my fucking mouth - but I am just so mad at myself that I have stayed in this friendship... it has just been calm for so long - I should have known that it was only a matter of time until our relationship went into sparks-
I am so sick of my saying just one thing wrong and her taking it the entire wrong way and then she being mad at me and dealing with all of this - why cant she just not think twice of it?
I mean I didnt mean to hurt her feelings by mentioning that her and I were talking about that he is cute but why just why does she react like this? I am so fed up- I mean forget it i should have not said anything - but I just wish that she was a person who I could have fun and be carefree with without having to wonder if she is going to flip because i say one thing that she interprets the wrong way - i would like to be myself around her and I am beginning to get sick of the abuse of anger and the temporary happinesses of this 'friendship' - if she was a friend maybe she would chill - ARGH!
ok well its over but i dont want to see her and start screaming matches!
thanks for listening all-
amy

[sillygirl]

(((amy)))

i hope that things can be worked out between you and "linda". true friends will forgive you even if they are mad for a little while. and don't be so hard on yourself sweetie. you made a mistake, everyone does it. hang in there.

luv,
silly

[Seabiscuit]

:hugon:love Sillygirl :love:hugoff

Dear Sillygirl,
Thanks so much for your support - i just feel so frustrated with Linda because I feel like I cant be myself - I am just always having to tiptoe around her -
This morning, she saw me and she says "Did you ask John about his surgery?" I said, "No it never even came up -" "Well I have been up all night thinking about this - where do you get off telling him I think he is hot?" "I said I was sorry and I didnt mean anything by it - this is what I hate about our relationship so much - everything is fine for awhile but then if I ever do anything wrong you just go nuts on me" "Well I dont appreciate you saying that! I mean who the...?" "Look if you want to talk thats one thing but I am not going to sit here and be screamed at - obviously you just want to yell..." "Well I would like to talk and not fight" "well it sure doesnt seem this way to me- we were joking, it was in good fun" "well how dare you - how do you think i feel now?" "I cant believe you are taking this so seriously - why did you ever say anything to me Linda? I'm not talking to you right now because I am not going to be screamed at!" Walking away, she follows me - and then she goes into another room, someone says, "What's wrong Linda?" "Amy! Thats whats wrong and she thinks this whole thing is a joke!"
I cant take her abuse and I apologized I just feel like get a life!

[sillygirl]

(((amy)))

wow, i am really sorry to hear that things went so badly when you talked to linda. it sounds like she really needs some time to cool off. you said you were sorry, and that is all you can do. it is a mistake, it can not be taken back. she has to realize this, and in time she will forgive you on her own. i wish that you didn't ever have to feel badly in a relationship, especially with a close friend. i respect you for telling her that you would not allow yourself to be yelled at. that was a wonderful way to stick up for YOU!!! right now you need to realize that the ball is in her court, and you do not need to hold onto any more bad feelings. you did the right thing. good luck with patching up the friendship.
luv,
silly

[Seabiscuit]

Dear Silly,
Thanks so much for your support! I really really really appreciate it! I like her a lot as a friend but I feel like to some point it is abuse when she just ATTACKS me that way - I left her a note apologizing again and then I wrote that I thought it would go without saying that I would not do something to hurt her - I'm glad I'm away for a few days cause I think she does need time to cool off and rethink and I need to rethink how worthwhile the friendship is when its a battleground some of the time - maybe her and I can have a counselor step in with a three way -
thank you so much (((((Silly))))) how are you? I hope youre doing well hon!
:love amy

[sillygirl]

dear amy,
i hope you are feeling better this evening!! a break sounds like a really good idea, and then maybe some open communication. i really really like the idea of having a third party step in to mediate. that way no one loses their temper!!
i am actually doing really good right now, thanks for asking!! i had an honest talk with my doc yesterday, and it went so well that it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, and things were much easier than usual today! yea!
well, hang in there hon, and i'll see ya around the bowl!
luv,
silly

[Eilis]

Hi there daaby

Not sure how to start this, my head is spinning a little reading the replies, but I'll give it a shot. Boundaries are very important in any relationship, and often it takes some eituations like this to see where your boundaries need to shift in order to take care of yourself. We all make mistakes, and accepting the responsibility for them is important. Sounds like u did what you could in apologizing, and its up to her how she wants to receive that. All relationships have mountains and valleys, in fact its a must for personal growth. I have a friend I have known nearly five years and it actually bothers me we have never had a big disagreement LOL. Something very abnormal about that, but oh well.

Noone deserves abuse, and if she is abusive theres a boundary u need to set for yourself. There is no reason why you should have to suffer the consequences of her issues, and saying no can actually help her in that she learns she cant get away with it so try to get help for it. Blaming yourself for anything or wishing youd never said anything really doesnt help. The reality is you did say something, however harmless u felt it to be, u accepted responsibility for it and u tried to make ammends. To turn this into a positive try thinking about what this has taught you and how u can benefit from it. I dont view your yr as a friend to this person as a waste; sounds like u have learned a great deal. Now the decision is it worth it to salvage. Given the boundaries you NEED and who you ARE and how it coincides with her and her needs, u can decide this.

Good luck to you.

:love
Dory