Sometimes I Just Don't Want To hear It

[Garth]

Sometimes
I Just do not want to hear it

I don't want to know what is working in my life
what is wonderful about it . . . and wonderful about me
I don't want to trust this life
and all of us in it
especially myself

Sometimes
I don't want to believe
I am worthy by simply being here
that I need no other qualifications
I am free to love and be loved
to treasure my body as I do my soul

Sometimes I don't want to believe I choose my destiny
I have choices . . . I have all the ability I need
or that I have let others choose and decide for me

hmmmmmmm
sometimes I just do not want to hear it
or face it

NOT TODAY . . . however
Today . . . I want to hear it :happy
Today I want to know

Be free all

Love , Garth :sun

[RainbowGirl]

thank you for sharing that. keep on writing--you're good at it.

[Pella]

You had me going there on those first few paragraphs of your post! :surprise :hugonGarth:hugoff
This may or may not relate to what you wrote....but what it inspired in me was the feelings I've had for most of my life about control. And how out of control it actually made me feel?! You reach a point where you just get "fed up" with what's either not working or working in your life, because you're tired of the questions and the struggle.

So....I stop wasting my time and energy trying to control and change that which I can't change or control. ( Ha!...just about everything! :winky) I can stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible.....being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life!

That's what's been so COOL about this recovery.......I'm learning to stop fighting the Lions. I can't win. I surrender.
Love beth :sun

[Garth]

:hugonDear RainbowGirl :hugoff

Thank you for your kind response :love
I like your username . . . it brings to my mind all the potential you have . . . for as far as that rainbow extends . . . so does your capacity for living a life full of color . . . and love .

Be well . . . be you :rainbow :love Garth :sun


:hugonDear Beth :hugoff

As with any words we read , what we take from them is entirely up to us , for we read them thru our eyes and experiences . That is the beauty of life and the creation that is happening every- single- moment . whoa
You have me wondering about all those lions . . .
I have also felt utterly powerless for so very long . . . I am actually working it out from the roots . . . . and planting seeds from my soul for today . . and tomorrow . This is from a person who has had so little confidence . . . I couldn't pick up that shovel for fear I was not doing correctly . . . and what I'd find . . . . instead of just digging in and watching the dirt fling . . . . and dealing with what I found . (god , if that makes sense!)
Something is happening to me . . . I really cannot explain it at this time . . . but it's in everywhere . . . including these words . It's something wonderful . . . some may call it recovery . . . . maybe I'll call it reclaiming Garth !
YES . . . I want Garth Back . . . . from that little boy who didn't know what was going on . . . to this adult man who has the courage to look back with that little boy and learn from what I didn't know how to express .
I am grateful for your unconditional caring :cry

:love Garth :sun