i'm new-help

[chisacci]

Hmm..I'm not really sure where to start. I don't know how I feel. At times I think it's anger, other times it's sadness. Mostly it feels like frustration. I'm not even sure what kind of disorder I have. Two years ago I started exercising and eating healthy meals in order to lose weight and reached my goal - but then I became obsessed with calories. I majorly restricted my calories and lost lots of weight. I realize now though that I'm not healthy and I need to gain weight. I've started to eat more, but this has led me to compulsive bingeing. I can't stop. I hate it. I want to cry. I try and make myself feel better by reminding myself I need to gain weight anyhow, but I know that this is the wrong way. This is so unhealthy. I want to stop. I wish I could stop. I would do anything to go back to the days when I ate normally and only thought about eating when i was hungry. I don't even think I know what hunger is anymore. Sorry to be so lengthy...
any advice would be appreciated -

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon chisacci :hugoffwelcome the the :bowl i'm glad you joined and posted. i'll offer as much advice as possible :kiss :love

we can't tell you what kind of ED you have or even if you have an ED, only your doctor or a therapist can do that but we can offer support and love and advice

do you have a therpaist to talk to? cause one would really help you cause then you'd have someone to talk to and someone that could understand and offer even better advice. take care and remember that the :bowl is here for you :love feel free to IM me or email me anytime :kiss

[HippieChick]

Welcome to the :bowl

Buttercup-fairie is we can't tell you what eating disorder you have. What is most important is that you have recognized the fact that something is wrong.

You expressed what you are feeling beautifully and that is important. All of us can benefit by being able to express ourselves.

Take care sweetie and welcome to the :bowl.

:love Adrienne

[*star]

:hugonchisacci:hugoff
hi welcome to the :bowl! im glad to hear you realize you have a problem and want help. being able to talk about it here with the :fishys is a biggie step towards recovery. have you thought of talking to a therapist or counselor about it also? well hope to hear from you soon! take care.. good luck :clover

[GardenOfSimple]

:hugonchisacci:hugoff
Hi.. welcome to the :bowl.
Good job for reaching out for support. It can help cuz then things aren't all kept inside.
Like you've been asked by the others, do you have a t? That can help you. Its important to have real-time support for this, too.
Don't worry about the length of your post. A good length of a post isn't measured by the number of words, but by weather it says what you want it to say.
:hugonHUGS:hugoff
Lotsa :love,

[pippen]

:hugon chisacci :hugoff
Welcome to the :bowl

[Allison LHF]

I know what you mean about going from one issue to another. I can never seem to decide whether I'm binging or restricting or over-exercising or what it feels like.

I guess the best thing I can tell you is just to take things one day at a time. And keep swimming!

:bounce Allison :bounce

[fruitjuice]

Welcome! I know how you feel and I know where you're at and I want to say - keep strong, the good times will come again. Just fight! And as the others said, maybe a t isn't a bad idea.
Oh, and if there's one thing I'm learning at the moment, it's that it doesn't matter what your ed's called, it matters what it's doing to you and that it's wrong.
Take care!
God Bless
Love
Laura :bug