Books, ED and otherwise

[SavingSelf]

Hey everyone:

I'm reading a book right now called "More, Now Again" by Elizabeth Wurtzel, she wrote "Prozac Nation" if any of you have heard of it.

Anway, the book is her memoirs through a period of drug abuse and rehab and abuse. What's so interesting to me about this book is that when she talks about her therapy session I hear so much of my old voice. I see how she developed her cast iron exterior to avoid pain and ended up coping with the drugs. As I'm reading it, I keep thinking to myself that she could have just as easily had an eating disorder and worked through the same issues in her life.

When I was full blown in my ed, I would reading EVERYTHING I could find on ed's which, at the time, only perpetuated the ed (although I didn't realize it then). It's interesting now to happen on another book of addiction and self destruction and see how closely it could parallel the life of an ed sufferer.

Anybody else have any comments?

Karley

[lovtophish]

:hugon Karley :hugoff

I have to agree with you. When I was really stuck in relapse mode, I read a lot about ed's and it definately added fuel to the fire. I think in some ways our ed's become an addiction. When you use certain behaviors to cope for so long, you can't seem to fathom anything else helping. My T described me perfectly today...she said that I let the anxiety/stress/depression/anger/hurt build up so high that the only relief I can get from it is to restrict/use lax/or d/p's. I imagine it is the same way for someone addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Steph

[infinitepiphany]

much agreeance fishies!

a startling quote from my journal:

"my addiction? hunger."

michelle

[nla-one]

This is an interesting topic. I can't say that I read ED books while I was active in my eating disorder - probaly because I didn't see that i had a problem. I've actually read a book or two while I was in recovery for the purpose of relating and understanding my disorder more.

[Manic]

This is a really interesting topic.
I bought a lot of ED books while I was suffering, but didn't read most of them until afterwards, no actually when I relapsed. however when I started SI ing I read almost every book/memoir that existed, and the same when I ws put on prozac. I still buy these 'types' of books even now, but for a diferent reason - to try and understand myself better.

[Thursday Girl]

ive read pretty much every book in existence on ED - or it seems like it. i read both of the Elizabeth wurtzel books - Prozac Nation especially struck me- i feel i couldve written most of, just included ED along with the depression. i think its interesting, at one point i believe she does talk about gaining weight, from meds, and how she thinks she could understand how people with ED feel ... when i was reading the first book, i kept waiting for her to say something about an addiction, b/c she sounded to me like so many people in AA/NA and with ED, just in denial. so i was very happy to find her second book - that she did get help with the whole thing.

does anyone else think that reading books about ED can lead to relapsing? one in particular i can think of that was NOT good for me was Wasted ... but i think it was the tone of the book more than the exact subject ... alot of times, though, i will read books about ED when i am relapsing, just the same as i read recipes/cooking books/ diet books/etc ... dont know why, but it seems to be an obsession ... then again, i read them when i am being "healthy" as well - but i think it may be more of a yearning to go back ... any thoughts?

:notes
thursday

[FrewFly]

Speaking of Prozac Nation, wasn't that made into a movie? And when is it coming into theaters?

[Thursday Girl]

it WAS made into a film - the book is already out - but i've no idea when its coming to the theatre. i wish i did! i hope they do as good a job as with Girl, Interupted. though theyd have to edit it quit a bit, and im not looking forward to that ... i get too into films, sometimes, sorry ... but im really excites about it :supergrin

:notes
thursday

[Cris Tina]

I've never read Prozac Nation or any eating disorder books other than segments of The Secret Language of... and all of Reviving Ophelia. Has anyone read Le Paradoxe de l'ordre, de Marie Ferranti? I'm considering reading and I'm unaware of the difficulty level or if there are any english translations?


Underneath their gaudy displays of civility, a guerrilla conflict is still being waged—through me.

from The Barbarians Are Coming David Wong Louie

[lindsey]

I know that when I am in an ED downswing, I will grab every bit of reading material that I can find on EDs and devour it...instead of food. Looking for triggers and any tidbit that will offer an insight into EDs. I, too, have read all of the Eliz Wurtzel books, Wasted, and many others.

Now, I usually turn to the food channel on cable-it mesmerizes me, just watching the food being prepped is a jolt :sad I DEFINITELY think that immersing yourself in ED books, cooking and watching food tv feeds the ED. I always find myself looking at diet books in Barnes and Noble. My :challenge to myself is to stay away from ED books. I feel as though I could write one by now!

At times, I even have to pull myself away from the :bowl because I find myself either spending too much time answering posts or being triggered by various posts. Does anyone else find themselves spending too much time on the site when they find themselves relapsing?

Just be mindful as to why you're really reading these books-is it for information or to be triggered? And :challenge yourself to put the book down if it's more harmful than informative.

:love
Lindsey

[SavingSelf]

When I look back at the evolution of my ed, I see where I was six years ago... subscribing to every "Fit" "Self" and similar magazines, which led to buying every diet, and health and fitness book I could find (which actually has educated me into decent eating habits these days), then when my life sort of went chaotic and the ed took over, I immersed myself in every book I could find. Lindsey, like you I was once addicted to the Food Channel too and even found an interactive website that fed into my food journaling addiction. Now that I'm FINALLY!!!! in the tail-end of recovery I still find myself interested in books such as Wurtzels b/c she speaks to my generation and the psychology of addiction is fascinating to me. As I read through her memoirs, and I'm sure similar to those of others with addictions, it has become so clear to me how I developed the ed as a negative coping mechanism.

As much as I HATE my eating disorder it has made me the person I am today, looking back on it now and reading these books makes it seem like the answer was always there, it just took me years to find it.

Karley

[Cris Tina]

the fountainhead *creepy shudder*
the best things in life *when do they start the philosophy for dummies series* OR *where's apologia*
the road less traveled *discipline=will is disturbing*
benjamin franklin: the autobiography *i'll catch the blue apples*

[Cris Tina]

shape
self
cosmo
vanity fair
rolling stone
elle

[Isabel_Knight]

Does anyone else like "The Best Little Girl"?

I know it has been said that its main purpose is inflate its author's ego as a psychotherapist, but, all the ed books I've read, it's my personal favo(u)rite.

Isabel :pinkfishy

[Gabbie]

:hugon Miranda :hugoff
i personally quite like best little girl in the world and luckiest little girl in the world! Have you read both? However I have to say most of the fishies really hate that book! Just dont let :hugon Kailyn/Katy:hugoff anywhere near this post as she HATES Steven Levenkron lol! :muhaha

[FrewFly]

I just saw the Best Little Girl in the World movie and I thought the ending was retarded..has anyone see the movie?

[twinklestr]

where can you find the movie? I never see them in the video store or anything
:love Devyn

[FrewFly]

I got the movie on ebay..but it isn't worth buying. I've got to stop collecting ED videos. It is BAD!! I don't even understand why I do it..not to trigger me, not for entertainment..I'm not sure.

:happy :butterfly

[toast]

:hugon :bowl :hugoff

i just wanted to add a :trigger sign for those of you reading ed, si and depression books. please make sure you're in a safe place when you read them.

:love , toast

[Mully]

Hey everyone!

Wow... I post I can completely relate to! I totally relate to those of you that read or watch ED related things when in midst or relapsing. I do that frequently, and what's scary is that things meant to scare people really don't bother me. In "The Best Little Girl" the ED itself didn't bother me, it just made me think "well, I better not let myself get caught." The machines scared me, but again, I was simply focussed on trying to hide better than she did. The only thing reassuring I find from these things is that it makes me feel less alone- which is one of the benefits of this site! Lindsey- I know what you mean, I guess one important thing about this site is to keep it in moderation. It's nice to support others, but if you're in a really touchy place it's not always the best solution. This site offers a ton of support, and is definitely more helpful than not, but I suppose we have to monitor ourselves with what we do when we are in touchy or unstable moods. Like the disclaimer somewhere says- this is not a hangout place, it offers support and the ultimate goal is to eventually move on from here and move on with our lives! Anyway.. enough of my rant... this post really made me think!
:love ya all, Jenn
:canada

[Stephy]

:trigger
when my eating disorder is particularly active the book "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher is my Bible. However, it is quite graphic and blunt though and can be triggering. Maybe that's why I read it so much? I have read it so many times I couldn't begin to remember. I got into a habit, when my eating disorder was spirally downward fast, of underlining passages and words in the pages that would jump out at me or that I could understand and relate to. Each page that had a pencil mark on it was also paperclipped at the top for ready access. Nearly ninety per cent of that book is marked. And of the pages that are marked, nearly fifty per cent of the page is marked somehow. I tried once to throw it away, so i wouldn't be triggered by it again, but I couldn't do it. I just couldn't....