boys, girls and self esteem don't mix

[Broadways_Ballerina]

hello :fishy's

I am feeling pretty :sad right now....I just want to curl up and :cry
you see I never tell anyone who I have a crush on :love because i know that nothing will ever happen and it will never work out......I usually tell myself no one will ever like me...I decided to put myself in a vulnerable situation and tell a few people who I liked, I then found out that he had at one point liked me back....some people said to just tell him and see what happends...So I did, he said he used to like me but well just wants to be friends and that he considers me a really close friend...that's great in my eyes I mean I can use all the friends I can get....he wants to hang out with me, get t know me better....he said he considers me a close friend and really admires me.....the thing is no one knows teh real me anymore....he won't like the real me the one with real problems...I feel embarassed about him not liking me but more embarassed that I am hiding the rela me from people who want to meet that person....:sad

thanks for listening....

:love jazzy

[Starflower]

Hey there fishy!!
Well your post really rang a bell with me, the part you wrote about the real you. I definitely felt like that a lot in the past and I am glad to say that with work I am getting more and more like the real me.

What really helped me was when we learnt about it in Psychology - and I will write out the passage that rang a bell with me. Somehow it helped to see it in a detached manner and helped me to see where I wanted to go.

People get screwed up since they feel how they ought to feel not how they really feel. Or they judge themselves since they think they know how they ought to be. They blame themselves. They don't like themselves so they don't present the real self to the world.

They say "If people saw the real me they would necessarily despise and hate me since I hate myself. So if you like me then you don't know me. It's only a matter of time until you know what I am really like then you'll leave me.

But I don't like myself - so it's important that you like me it's how I get my self worth. But you don't really like me - you don't really know me"


Easy to see how we get into a bind isn't it!

That's my lecture notes - it goes on to say that you need to accept yourself - and also that you need someone else to accept you. To accept you for WHO you are not WHAT you do.

This is all person centred counselling theory - I'm not sure how appropriate you find it to how you feel. When I say that I am better - I mean I still struggle with being real to myself - but I now value myself enough as a person to feel I am worth trying to be real or congruent - as it is called.

I used to sit in my room dreaming about the person I thought I wanted to be, the person who I could be if I wasn't ed'd and depressed and miserable - and slowly and surely I set out to introduce that person to the world.

I value honesty very highly and I just wanted to feel like I was being real.

I hope my wafflings on this subject helped someone.

And guys suck a lot of the time, but I think one day it will all work out. Patience, huh? :happy

[Broadways_Ballerina]

:hugon :hugoff

Thanks a lot, that really did ring a bell with me...Although I am stil sturggling and I know not even half my battle isn't over yet...there are still hard times to come if I want to get better, it made me see that someday down the road I will feel good maybe even GREAT about who I am and I will :love me for me not for someone I am trying to be :happy
although I am :sad right now and my insides are feeling a little alone and scares this made me at least have a little hope that there is light at the end of tunnel. I go see my T on wensday who knows what we will talk about but I hope I have the confidence to try harder to open up to her and just tell her, lady I have a problem ok... she hasn't seemed to beleive me other wise.....

Boys do suck a lot of the time, but this boy actually doesn't suck we talked and well he is just SO nice and well used to like me but deicded he really just wanted to be my friend, we talked last night and well he told me how much he admired me and how funny and beautiful he thought I was but that he just wanted to be friends, he wanted to get to know me, hang out with me and become closer to me...i felt like crying when he told me all this, not because he didn't like me in that, because he was being so sweet and just really wanted to be there for me.....He said he wanted to get to know the real me which means more to me then anyone could know. I told him the real me is haivng a really hard time and he said he wanted to be there for me....We kinda brushed lightly on the topics like lonelyness, not friends and body immage he kept trying ot make me feel better by saying that he is a staright guy and to trust him that I have nothing to worry aobut apprerance wise, cause as he said hahahahah I have it going on...:yay !!!! although I don't beleive him it still felt good...I really hope we becoem close friends and well like my other friend said who knows what can happen right? maybe if we become close friends something will happen?
I am kinda hoping maybe it will but for now I am just glad to have him there and well maybe I will be able to open up more...?


:love jazzy

[dontknownuffink]

:hugon jazzy :hugoff

What you wrote struck a note with me as I have been in a very similar situation and all I can say is stick with it. I have a very close friend who I used to ( and still do like alot!) We sat down and talked and decided to stay just good friends and slowly I have been able to open up to him and tell him how I am feeling and how much I hurt. He knows about the bulimia but doesnt understand it much but slowly we talk and I am beginning to realise that he cares for me for who I am and not who I think I should be. Starflowers quote is so true and it is hard to slowly open up and make yourself vunerable but he likes you alot by the sound of it and like you said you never know what will happen. Good relationships are built upon friendship and trust and it looks as if you have the basis of this.
Love from Jo :penguin

[Broadways_Ballerina]

:hugon :hugoff

Well.....I very much want to become close to him...more then maybe even he knows....I know he also has some things he wants to share and according to some friends he really feels close to me and feels like we have some of the same issues and I guess he feels that he can open up to me? That makes me feel really great but I guess there is a still a little part of me that wishes he still liked me? I mean friends is great and i am SO happy that hopefully we are going to become really close and I think I will be able to open up to him and well maybe he will still love me for who I really am...I am scared that he won't, although he promised he would never ditch me I am so scared he will...I don't want to open up to someone and then have them ditch me....:cry I can't handle that....
He already has another kinda close friend whose a girl and well I dunno I feel kinda odd aobut that....Not really jealous but kinda like I feel like I dunno I don't wanna intrude or be a third wheel or seodn best and stuff? ya know what I mean....
i am scared to get close to him but i really want too?


aHHHHH life seems pretty grim right now :sad

:love jazzy

[fxr]

Jazzy! OMG, when I read your first post about the guy and telling or not telling him you
like(d) him, I totally felt like I was reading something about myself! I just came to college, and I met this guy the first week I was here, and there were all of these clues that he liked me... he was REALLY flirty at parties and supposedly he talked to some guys on his floor about me. But now, it's all messed up because I don't really see him anymore, and he doesn't like me anymore... I don't like him anymore either, but it just bothers me because I've never had a boyfriend, and all of my friends are like, hooking up w/ guys here, and I haven't done anything with anyone! Not like I want to, but it just makes me feel so ugly and unworthy of a guy's attention. So yeah, I totally understand! I guess we shouldn't let guys get to us that much right, Jazzy??? They're just guys!!! Let me tell you, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders when I realized that I totally was not attracted to him! I hope this guy isn't causing you too much stress! Love Flora