You vs. I: A Mental Shift in Tone

[Jik]

I had another revelation yesterday. It wasn't due to any monumental moment either but it was like the clouds parting and the sun shining through.

I went golfing last night with my husband and during the course of play I realized that the internal voice that I used had shifted.

Throughout my life I have always had a voice that began with the word "You" It didn't matter wether I was thinking positive or negative. Last night I realized that instead of thinking "You can hit this ball, you can do it" I was thinking "I can do this."

It may not seem like a major difference but for me it was. The 'you' voice was one used with hesitancy and with the intention of trying to convince myself that it was indeed possible to do whatever. The 'I' voice was one of confidence and self-assurance. There was no hesitancy, no hidden reflection of not really thoughts that went hand in hand with the 'you' voice. I didn't need to be convinced of something because I was already sure of it.

I really think I'm going to like this "I" voice.

Joy

[CerealKiller]

Joy :love

This was interesting and has given me something to think about. Actually I've been thinking about it quite a bit over the past few days.

The interesting thing is that my 'You' voice is in no way hesitant, yet nonethless I do often refer to myself in the third person which suggests some part of me stands detached from the good things I am doing. The odd thing is when I spoke to myself in the negative, it was sometimes third person, but more often in the first person.

All of which suggests to myself that on some subconscious level I am far more willing to accept guilt and punishment as part of my integral identity while good things and achievement remain detached. I'm aware that I'm doing and feeling these things, but part of me remains detached, watching with a wary eye to catch me when I fall, because surely I will fall since nothing good lasts, right? At least that is part of the negative thinking that I was scarcely even aware was still lurking and had been part of me so long. I simply don't trust when things go well or when I am doing well. I become afraid to trust it, because it will only hurt worse when I lose it and so for a long time, I think preferred the state of pain because at least it was familiar territory and I knew what was what.

All of which is made more complicated by the fact that there are parts of me that are far more acclimated to dealing with crisis and are at their strongest there. I feel a bit like Patton at the end of the war saying 'It's peace that's going to kill me.'

:sarcasm

Except surely peace won't kill me. Will it? It's peace I've been wanting all these years. And if I am truly not at home with peace, then there are more worthy wars to be fought than against the self, and more worthy adventures than seeing how far down I can go. Surely.

Yet the subdivision of self is an interesting topic... I think on some level we all divide ourselves between the face we wear for the outside world and the one we wear inside. What we truly believe of ourselves and what we share. So many of us walk through our lives like a spectator, and so of course we talk to ourselves in the third person, because we are NOT one person. Your shift in tone suggests that you may be (or becoming) TRULY whole, something most people never find. It is a gift.

Thank you for sharing that it is at least possible, and it has given me something to think about. Quite a few things actually. Thank you for that, and take care. :flower

:ufo :drawblue Be who you are and say what you feel; those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

[Pella]

Awesome revelation :hugonJoy:hugoff and made me realize that subconsciously I do the very exact same thing. What a subtle warp.
I tend to refer to myself in the "you" state more when I'm dealing with a socially anxious situation. As in "You are not afraid, You a can do this!"

That's what I love about "relating" here in the :bowl like this....I never really was aware of that. And the shift in thinking is important. I think once you're cognizant of it, it makes you that much more aware of using "I" statements and gaining strength.

Whether it's positive or negative, it makes more sense to own the feelings, and it empowers you. I can recognize those feelings when I'm hurt and accept them. I can recognize when I feel angry and accept it without shame or blame. Understanding myself in the "I" state rather than the "you" feels more in touch.....kind of pointing more towards reality.
Love beth :sun

[Eilis]

((((((((((Joy))))))))))))

Bridging the great divide :cute U know its interesting because a lot of people ask if eds r a form of mpd, in that we seem to have two sets of voices. I think when the "you" becomes "I" its a defenite mark of recovery. Theres only one person now, and the one that matters! YOU! I mean I. LOL You know what I mean :sarcasm

:love
Dory

[Ravenblue]

:hugon Joy :hugoff

That's amazing, I'm so glad to hear it. I still have a "you" voice, and it's been there for a loooong time. I think it's awesome that your "you" voice changed out of the blue, without much of a conscious effort (after reading this I know I'll be making a conscious effort :sarcasm ). I agree that it's a definate sign of recovery, so congrats! You go!!! :yay :winky :edbgone

:stars :love Ravenblue :love :stars

[silly]

that's really awesome, stay strong and keep the faith. i think it's a time for us all to see the light shining thru the clouds. well i know i have and it's awesome!!

cheers
:canada
silly