Garth
07-07-2001, 09:41 AM
As I woke up this morning . . .
I have this urging . . . . this need for growth .
I am reminded of over my life . . . all the ways I have tried to
honor and nurture myself . . . but my actions haven't been the best for me . This is what my experience with this ED has been at times. . . literally a misguided attempt to nurture .
Sometimes when I'm over my head . . . I panick . . .
the emotions of the moment seem unbearable . . . and I want someone or something to bail me out of it NOW ! It is rather like me as a child running to mom when I had a boo boo . . and I wish for someone or something to make it all better . All it usually took was a bandage and a warm moment of acknowledgement . . I felt whole . . and I could go on with my life .
So . . . . what has changed ?
While not a child in years . . . does my soul have any less potential and innocence ?
Somewhere along my path it became too painful . . . and not enough loving moments of acceptence . How I have learned to mistakingly take care of Garth . . . can be unlearned .
YES ! . . UNLEARNED !
I've always read from others what they do in replace de-sructive behaviors . . . . but just changing my behaviour without my
heart motivating me . . . just has not worked for me .
Lasting change has had to come from my heart . . . but this has only come from failing over and over not listening to it .
I believe I . . . as all of us . . . has this capacity for loving . . . honoring . . . and nurturing ourselves . We do it all the time . . . some ways better or worse than others .
Today I am taking time to listen . . . to everything around me and in me . Taking time to truly feel what is going on . What ever I need to do to grow positively . . . may I be granted the courage to proceed . This is I pray for .
May all of us be granted such courage .
For those who read this . . . . do you know and or remember what it is to feel nurtured ? What moments in your life has such light been shown upon you ? Do you wish for more ? . . . for others ? Do you believe you are worthy and deserving simply because you are a human be-ing ? Are you afraid open your heart to someone . . to yourself ? . . . for fear of it being stolen . . . trampled . . . and wounded? Do you fear those wounds will never heal ?
Love does conquer all . . . and it comes in infinite ways .
It is our destiny to find those ways .
Maybe all this seems silly to you . . . maybe you are reading this and crying . . . maybe you feel anger . . . maybe you are freightened and feel alone . I'm writing this because I am compelled to . . to take this chance someone is there listening . Everything I've written here I experience . Know we are ever alone .
:hugonHave a Moment of Life:hugoff
:loveGarth :sun
I have this urging . . . . this need for growth .
I am reminded of over my life . . . all the ways I have tried to
honor and nurture myself . . . but my actions haven't been the best for me . This is what my experience with this ED has been at times. . . literally a misguided attempt to nurture .
Sometimes when I'm over my head . . . I panick . . .
the emotions of the moment seem unbearable . . . and I want someone or something to bail me out of it NOW ! It is rather like me as a child running to mom when I had a boo boo . . and I wish for someone or something to make it all better . All it usually took was a bandage and a warm moment of acknowledgement . . I felt whole . . and I could go on with my life .
So . . . . what has changed ?
While not a child in years . . . does my soul have any less potential and innocence ?
Somewhere along my path it became too painful . . . and not enough loving moments of acceptence . How I have learned to mistakingly take care of Garth . . . can be unlearned .
YES ! . . UNLEARNED !
I've always read from others what they do in replace de-sructive behaviors . . . . but just changing my behaviour without my
heart motivating me . . . just has not worked for me .
Lasting change has had to come from my heart . . . but this has only come from failing over and over not listening to it .
I believe I . . . as all of us . . . has this capacity for loving . . . honoring . . . and nurturing ourselves . We do it all the time . . . some ways better or worse than others .
Today I am taking time to listen . . . to everything around me and in me . Taking time to truly feel what is going on . What ever I need to do to grow positively . . . may I be granted the courage to proceed . This is I pray for .
May all of us be granted such courage .
For those who read this . . . . do you know and or remember what it is to feel nurtured ? What moments in your life has such light been shown upon you ? Do you wish for more ? . . . for others ? Do you believe you are worthy and deserving simply because you are a human be-ing ? Are you afraid open your heart to someone . . to yourself ? . . . for fear of it being stolen . . . trampled . . . and wounded? Do you fear those wounds will never heal ?
Love does conquer all . . . and it comes in infinite ways .
It is our destiny to find those ways .
Maybe all this seems silly to you . . . maybe you are reading this and crying . . . maybe you feel anger . . . maybe you are freightened and feel alone . I'm writing this because I am compelled to . . to take this chance someone is there listening . Everything I've written here I experience . Know we are ever alone .
:hugonHave a Moment of Life:hugoff
:loveGarth :sun