scared to admit it.

[Eireann]

Hello, everyone. My name is Eireann and ... I'm not quite ready to say I have an eating disorder yet... maybe because my parents have told me throughout my childhood that I'm just fine...and have even fostered my eating habits. But I do think I have disordered eating. Though I have been in recovery for other things (like self-injury) and though I always knew that I didn't eat as well as I should...things lately have shown me that I DO have a problem and I need to do something about it. I can't seem to take care of myself. I'm so scared. I'm traveling to Ireland in two months and will be expected to fend for myself food-wise. I dont' want to be malnourished when I'm traveling on my dream trip.

Anyway, I'm rambling... just wanted to say my first hello and thank you for being here. This is a great site.
It says I'm to end with something positive about myself...um... i don't really feel positive right now, but I do know that I'm a good writer. That's a good attribute.

thanks for listening,

Eireann

[*star]

:hugoneireann:hugoff
welcome to the :bowl! let me congratulate you on having the strength to come here and admit you have a problem and wanting help for it. im always here to listen! :happy see you soon- have fun in ireland!

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon eireann :hugoffwelcome to the :bowl i'm glad you joined, i know you'll find support and love here whenever you need it :love if you ever want someone to talk too, feel free to IM me or email me anytime

i know you said you're not ready to say you have an ED yet but i'm glad you came and posted, maybe now that you've joined and posted, you'll be able to admit it to yourself. that's the hardest, even more than telling others. take care and please take care of yourself and reach out when you're ready :love

[pippen]

:hugon eireanne :hugoff
Wellcome to the :bowl I am glad you posted

[emma lucy]

:hugon Eireanne :hugoff

Welcome to the :bowl and for making the first step into admitting you have a problem with food.
I look forward to hearing more about you.
The water is friendly :grin

[blissful]

:hugon eireanne :hugoff

Admitting that you have a problem is a very difficult thing to do.....so I am glad that you were able to do that...

I know dealing with all of this can be hard and frightening at times, but I just want to remind you that you deserve to be happy and healthy...

take care of yourself,
:sun jamie :sun

[Eireann]

Thanks for the welcome, everybody! This place feels really warm and friendly.

Buttercup Fairie - I looked at your pictures. You are beautiful! And I'd just like to say that I LOVE THE CARE BEARS!!!! Oh my god!! "The Care Bears" were my first religion, I swear. I was SO into them. I honestly believed that they were up in the clouds watching over me. This was when I was little, you see. But...on a blue and puffy, cloudy day, you can still catch me sneaking a look up to see if there are any dougnut holes in the clouds that the fuzzy creatures could peer over. :)
Which is your favorite? I think Love-A-Lot and Wish Bear were my favorites. Tenderheart kinda intimidated me. Hehe.

Emma Lucy, I saw you quote the goddess Tori Amos... I adore her as well. have for a long time. Nice to see there are some kindred spirits around here!

Well, someone asked me to say something about myself, so here goes.
I'm twenty-three years old and just graduated from college with a degree in English/Creative Writing. I'm a writer and that's what I would *like* to do with my life. What I *will* do with my life (a.k.a. earn money) will probably in the realms of either journalism, child care or psychology. I'm interested in becoming certified for poetry therapy. I'm a poet and a fiction writer as well. I've been published in a few magazines.

I have the extreme pleasure of having a very dear friend who is a recovered Anorexic and she is helping me through this, as is another friend of mine. I'm reading "When Women Hate Their Bodies" and I'm just nodding and going "oh my god, that's ME".

highly recommended.

I ate well today - the first time in a while. (is that okay to say?) but I have a question. It made me feel sick to my stomach, it left me feeling even emptier and more tired. Is that normal when you start eating healthy again?

I'm making an appt. to see a nutritionist but I'm so scared. There is SUCH resistance to take care of myself. I know there's a plethora of reasons why, but I don't know where to begin. I have a wonderful therapist so I'm sure I'll get help there, but I just feel so daunted. This has been ingrained in me for fourteen years. I thought it was "just me". Not a problem. And now, I have to make this drastic change?
Well, truth be told, I went into a program for self-injury last year and that has changed my life and I no longer engage in those behaviors so I'm sure I can get through this challenge, too. But it doesn't make it any easier.

I've said enough for today. When you get me talking, even though I'm shy, I just can't stop. Isn't that funny.

Anyway, thanks for all your warm welcomes.

Eireann

[Eireann]

Like I said, I'm reading that book "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies". Has anyone read it? It really gets to the core of the problem of not wanting to be your own caretaker. It suggests that you "legalize" all foods - you bring all foods into your home - and in bulk! That way the "forbidden" foods won't hold so much weight when you realize you can have them any time you want. And they suggest that you DO have them any time you want. That's just so baffling, though it does make sense.
And then the authors suggest that you feed yourself - on demand. Like once you get your sense of hunger back (which for me, I have NONE right now) you carry around a "food bag" with you full of all sorts of goodies and you just eat whenever you are hungry.
It's a controversial way of eating and living but I think it makes a lot of sense.

The problem, is that I"m SO overwhelmed right now. Tomorrow I'll be out from one o'clock until nine o'clock at night. i'll have to figure otu something to eat for lunch and dinner. i don't have money, so i'll have to bring something from home. that's just so much for me to think of... i don't know what to bring. i'm scared, you guys.

thanks for listening,

Eireann