mood swings

[crimson_promise]

Arg.i have been having terirble mood swings lately. Terible ones. One minutes, i am completely happy and wonderful, and then i dont care about whats happening. i plan things that i am going to do on a daily basis, but then i just sit around and do nothing. Nothing, meaning, i eat, cry, sleep and read.

i used to never cry. My mom told me when i was younger that crying was i 'sign of weakness'. and so i never cried. i'd bite my lip, or pinch myself so i wouldnt cry. Because i want to show mommy how wonderful and strong i could be. And so now i have a hard time crying. At least i used to. but as i said, all i do anymore is cry.


Lately i have been thining about my childhood. the things i used to do, that have produced what i am now. I wonder, if i hadnt fucked up my metabolism, if id be at a normal healthy, comfortable weight right now. I probbaly would. I wonder if i had told a teacher or someone about how i was feeling when i was younger, if id be in the emotional state right now. I wonder so many things about how it might be. if only i had been stronger...smarter...wittier...better in some way. if only.


I notice more and more everyday, just how bad my all or nothing mentality is. I see it take place, even in the way that i eat. i dont know how to eat without binging. i realized that today. i either binge, or i fast. there is no "eat a little". i either am good, or bad. smart of fucking ignorant.


Everyday is a binge. on something, not nescessarly food. but everyday,. is a binge.

[Chriszgirl]

Well, first of all i want to give you big :hugon :hugoff to let you know i care:pinkfishy I think the one thing you said that stuck is that when you were small, your mom said crying is a sign of weakness:scared I do not believe that and i think it helps to cry....it shows that you are a real person that has feelings and need :love! Crying is for good times, bad,and all sorts of things. I see what you mean about .....What IF, but honestly....there's no need to look back! What is done is done.....just move forwrd and take the lessons you have learned and move on in a positive way:winky I firmly believe in "Everything happens for a reason" :angel. Believe that there is a Plan for you......do you talk to a t or journal? That might help...i started helping" myself ".......:winky by writing out a menu .....and giving myself a TREAT if i accomplished my daily goal....it's only been six going on seven days i have done this.....but it has worked! I do what you do for a sense of CONTROL :bult....the feeling i need power.......but in all realization, i have more power now than i did:surprise
Hope some of this helped a little.....i hate giving advice at times bacause i know everyone is different and i by no means know it ALL! Hope your weekend gets better and it's okay to :cry.....it's part of being human!:cute Sending you tons of :hugon :hugoff and :kiss and :love........KEEP YA HEAD UP!!!!! :notes ( sorry listening to Tupac and that song is on :happy :singing