Lil_Tenacity
07-05-2001, 05:44 AM
hi :fishy's...
i've been in "recovery" for about two months... that's the longest period of time during which i've been able to sustain "normal" and "healthy" habits/thinking patterns. i guess i just have a few questions to throw out: how long is this gonna take? will i ever be completely normal? or is it that these voices will never REALLY go away for good... is it just that "recovery" entails being able to muffle them relatively effectively for long periods of time?
i know there probably aren't concrete answers to these questions. but they've been bugging me just the same. i've tried so hard to think positively and to be strong. and i think i've been doing okay. it's so nice to be able to make my parents happy about me, and to eat like a normal person! BUT this dissatisfaction with my body keeps revisiting me. sometimes it happens more frequently and more persistently than other times. how can i make it stop?
another specific problem i have, which i'm hoping some of you might be able to identify with... although i haven't been "hardcore" anorexic for the past two years, i've basically been a restricter. but, now that i'm trying to recover, sometimes i eat in ways that seem like i am not in control. you'd think that i'd have trouble getting myself to eat ENOUGH. but now i'm afraid that i won't be able to stop myself once i start, and that i'll keep eating beyond the point of fullness. i wonder if this is something that will go away as my body keeps adjusting to normal eating. or if this is something i'll have to be careful about for years and years to come...
sigh. the temptation to restrict is almost always there, even if i'm planning to do it just for a meal or two. especially since i've been weighing myself everyday. even as the numbers go up, i'm obsessed with knowing exactly what they are.
any advice? i'm doing this without any professional help... therapy is basically out of the question b/c my parents don't want me to go. i'd love to hear input from anyone else who's been there.
i'm trying to be strong...
okay, to end with something positive!... i got **** snail-mail letters yesterday~! they brightened my day. they were from college friends just saying hi, and they reminded me that there are people out there who are thinking about me even when i'm not necessarily thinking about them.
i've been in "recovery" for about two months... that's the longest period of time during which i've been able to sustain "normal" and "healthy" habits/thinking patterns. i guess i just have a few questions to throw out: how long is this gonna take? will i ever be completely normal? or is it that these voices will never REALLY go away for good... is it just that "recovery" entails being able to muffle them relatively effectively for long periods of time?
i know there probably aren't concrete answers to these questions. but they've been bugging me just the same. i've tried so hard to think positively and to be strong. and i think i've been doing okay. it's so nice to be able to make my parents happy about me, and to eat like a normal person! BUT this dissatisfaction with my body keeps revisiting me. sometimes it happens more frequently and more persistently than other times. how can i make it stop?
another specific problem i have, which i'm hoping some of you might be able to identify with... although i haven't been "hardcore" anorexic for the past two years, i've basically been a restricter. but, now that i'm trying to recover, sometimes i eat in ways that seem like i am not in control. you'd think that i'd have trouble getting myself to eat ENOUGH. but now i'm afraid that i won't be able to stop myself once i start, and that i'll keep eating beyond the point of fullness. i wonder if this is something that will go away as my body keeps adjusting to normal eating. or if this is something i'll have to be careful about for years and years to come...
sigh. the temptation to restrict is almost always there, even if i'm planning to do it just for a meal or two. especially since i've been weighing myself everyday. even as the numbers go up, i'm obsessed with knowing exactly what they are.
any advice? i'm doing this without any professional help... therapy is basically out of the question b/c my parents don't want me to go. i'd love to hear input from anyone else who's been there.
i'm trying to be strong...
okay, to end with something positive!... i got **** snail-mail letters yesterday~! they brightened my day. they were from college friends just saying hi, and they reminded me that there are people out there who are thinking about me even when i'm not necessarily thinking about them.