supposed "best friend" bulimic?? please help....

[jesskates]

I have had an eating disorder for many many years, since junior high, but thats besides the point....I have known this friend for almost as long as that, and I just found out she has been bulimic on and off the past year or two :sad I feel like I gave her the idea. She never told me before, or gave me any support when I was in the hospital...she even made me feel bad about it and had a "just grow up" attitude. never sent me letters or called, or even asked how i was doing....I feel betrayed beyond belief for some reason. I had no idea....I dont understand why she was always so mean to me about it...to add things to it we have not talked since then, which is about a month. i dont know what to say. i feel like she should start to talk to me first. she gave me some bad excuse why she never told me...and we are supposed to go on a road trip this summer, but i dont want to. to make things worse she has been an alcoholic for a few years now, and is usually drunk by five o'clock...(we both are at the end of our freshman year in college by the way).....nobody can help her with her drinking, we have tried (me and other friends)....i feel like i am at a loss, but i know if i have ED friends i am likely to relapse and want to compete with them....should I let go? any advice would be greatly appreciated :sad

[PeanutDuck]

Dear jesskates,

Wow, this must be really hard on you. But there is no way YOU are involved in your friend's ED. Remember, ED's have a lot more to do with than just eating and while you reached out for help to her, whether or not she had known about ED's before hand is not relevant knowing is not the cause (ie handing out condoms don't make teens have sex).

it also sounds like your friend is doing other self-medicating such as drinking.

So don't blame you.

as for her anger etc. while you were in the hospital, it could have been anger at herself or denial of her own ED or problems. There are so many reasons she could have reacted in anger but they all have to do with HER and NOT with you. For instance: her feeling that you were getting help for a problem that she felt that she did not have.

Have you and your friends tried seeking a professional health person? Or your...um...what are they called those upperclassmen who live in the dorms sort of as...RA? b/c they are trained in that. Or campus councelors? AA?

Keep trying to help or at least let her know you are there for her...IF you feel you can. You can only help her if it won't jeopardize your own recovery. If you feel being around her puts you in danger, you may have to let go for awhile. If you still care for her, tell her this. It's difficult but it is better for the both of you in the long run.

And if you don't want to go on that road trip, don't go, tell her why--don't feel safe etc.

The first year at college is tough and it sounds as though it's brought up some issues for her and she needs outside help. Assess how you honestly feel and what you feel you can do. YOU are not to blame for any of this. If you still want to be friends, break the ice b/c she probably doesn't know how to reach out.

good luck and take care of yourself.

squishy fishy hugs,
peanut

[Talisha]

Originally posted by jesskates
I have had an eating disorder for many many years, since junior high, but thats besides the point....I have known this friend for almost as long as that, and I just found out she has been bulimic on and off the past year or two :sad I feel like I gave her the idea. She never told me before, or gave me any support when I was in the hospital...she even made me feel bad about it and had a "just grow up" attitude. never sent me letters or called, or even asked how i was doing....I feel betrayed beyond belief for some reason. I had no idea....I dont understand why she was always so mean to me about it...to add things to it we have not talked since then, which is about a month. i dont know what to say. i feel like she should start to talk to me first. she gave me some bad excuse why she never told me...and we are supposed to go on a road trip this summer, but i dont want to. to make things worse she has been an alcoholic for a few years now, and is usually drunk by five o'clock...(we both are at the end of our freshman year in college by the way).....nobody can help her with her drinking, we have tried (me and other friends)....i feel like i am at a loss, but i know if i have ED friends i am likely to relapse and want to compete with them....should I let go? any advice would be greatly appreciated :sad hello, i thought i had to reply i have (well about **** months ago) started making myself sick and my best friend was doing it **** **** years b**** and she doing it made me wanna try it but then i did and i realised it was rubbish but im still doing it please email me on sparkmint@aol.com luv me xxxxxxxx