For {{Garth}} & Others

[Pella]

:hugonGarth:hugoff
In the post "Pushing back Personal Limitations" you replied and asked me "Are you glad as you are, Beth?"
You also mentioned that you craved communication from the heart, otherwise life seems to just be going through the motions.

I agree completely. So I wanted to take your question and ask other fishies :fishy if they are glad as they are? I think it's good to ponder that? To reflect, and find gratitude.
Personally, I've gone through seasons of my life where I've felt crushed to the ground, in total darkness, like someone long dead, given up all hope and feeling numbed all over. My soul had been thirsty in a dry desert.

A lot of those feelings came from not being able to set boundaries and define friendships/relationships. Sometimes I didn't even know what I wanted from a relationship? Information is a powerful tool, so is getting in touch with your feelings.
I am glad as I am now, because I'm finding the honesty and directness to define parameters in my life and friendships. I'm glad because I've found the strength to reach out to God and allow Him to affirm the strength that was in me all along. The strength to accept, and to recover from this eating disorder. It can be confusing to not know where we stand? I know where I am and where I am going now. I have clearer thinking and clarity now. I may not make the healthiest choices, but feel more empowered because of the struggle and what I'm learning from it. Thanks for asking Garth.:love
Love beth :sun

[fefa]

:hugon Beth :hugoff

I like this question, Are you glad as you are,. I guess I am learning that! I am learning to be glad to be where I am. Last year, when all my e.d started I just saw dark, I was on a role and need someone to take me out there. I ask my mom today, so do I look :happy? She said much better!!! I try to be happy all the time. But I guess I am on a place right now, that I want to DISCOVER my feelings, what am I feeling right now? So I am trying to be connect to ME! And for me to do, I need some time to MYSELF! This doesn't happen at the same minute. I amlearning to set boundaries, to say no, and not feel guilty, I am learning to be ME!! And this road can be hard, but when you know for sure, that the first think is RECOVERY, and to ENJOY life, even when the clouds are still out there, it makes a difference, because you know you WILL GET there no matter what!! I am going. So, if I am glad as I am? I am starting to be, but this doens't happen over minute!!!
Take care BETH! You are so STRONG!!
:love

[Pella]

:hugonFefa:hugoff
Is'nt it amazing how are faces can reflect the well-being and happiness? :grin
Obviously your mom has seen the difference in you! You sound like you're coming to a real understanding of what's working for you in your recovery. Positives!:grin
Love beth :sun

[Garth]

:hugonDearest Beth:hugoff

As simple . . . difficult . . . as life appears at times
as my heart aches . . yearns . . . and cherishes
I could not imagine

As I face my fears . . . walk with them . . .
hand in hand . . . step by step
I would not wish

Being anyone but Garth :love

I also am having a time with learning boundaries . . .
. . there are times when I cross them without inhibition . .
. . others I am so freightened I'm stuck in my own footprint .

Sometimes afraid to reach out . . for fear . .
of rejection . . . feeling my heart's pain . . . of my minds expectations

I expect alot of myself . . . . I wish and yearn for alot
compassion . . . and passion . . . drive me
embracing . . . . loving all I can . . . is my hearts desire
sometimes this leaves me vulnerable
naked and fragile as the day I took birth
:flowerGrowing can be so painful:flower

This is why we are here . . . to grow . .
. . but pain does not have to mean bad
to grow we must expand . . . . let go of some things
this sometimes hurts . . . but must be done
the universe demands it of us . . . with compassion .

This moment . . . I smile :happy as wide as the sky
simply for being thought of . . . and felt in your heart .

May you rest well this nite:stars

:love Garth:sun

[Chriszgirl]

Well, since i have started recovery.....i am much :happy ier, but i am happy as i am...i wasn't for a long time.....:bult
But, i found that with my anger inside from my past to now.....i have completely changed..in a good way.....i am back to being my "old" self before the ed came along.......i don't ponder on what does the scale say...or do i look fat in these daisy dukes:cute
I just go with it now.....i tell people exactly what i want to say and if they do not like it....TOUGH!!!!!
I am me and i will not change for anyone.....the people who truly care and love me will not expect change....so yes, i am beginning to love myself all over again......i really woke up the other morning and said to myself......how can i expect my husband to love me or anyone for that matter, if i don't love myself! What a wake up call! I called my bestest friend ....that is presently on vacation to tell her my new thought....she was very comforting and grateful that i thought of her to call.....at six am:happy But, it helped and i feel like a weight is lifted .......thanks for the question...i got to ramble:sarcasm

[fefa]

:hugon Cris :hugoff

I just go with it now.....i tell people exactly what i want to say I loved that! It really made my day :happy!!

[scam]

:love:love:hugon:hugonBeth:hugoff:hugoff:love:love

Leave it to you to make us think :sarcasm!!! This may be rambling but I can't sleep although I'm tired so I'll give it a shot! Am I as glad as I am? Toughy...I am much more glad than I was a seven months ago...am I as glad as I was three years ago? No...it's a long process...one with so many steps each day. Will I be as glad as I was then? I certainly hope so! I have changed these past several months...no longer a push over...no longer take crap from anyone...no longer hopeless and helpless...no longer stuck in a rut...no longer feeling sorry for myself and what has happened to me. I have become stronger than I was a short time ago. I am getting closer to the person I used to be...I think I have a bit more way to go to get 'me' back, it's not a fast or easy process! I accept things for what they are now, not what I want them to be. I'm more easy going and less stressed about things, everything does not have to be perfect and it won't kill me to wait to do certain stuff. I am growing as a wife, mother and woman every day. I'm as glad as I can be at this stage in recovery and with each day I will be even more!!! :love

lots lots lots :love-Sharon

[Pella]

:hugonGarth:hugoff
I hear in your replies even through the heartache and fears.....a strong sense of wanting to be Garth. Your acceptance is inspiring, that IS a healthy self-love.:love
I agree with you.....learning the "boundary thing" is always challenging cause every circumstance is different. Setting boundaries, and then being consistent and not contradictive with them can be very copacetic. And it can be an invitation to really deepen and advance relationships. I would say.....that has been my biggest challenge/lesson lately, especially at work. To lay down a boundary and then consistently back it up and not revert to my old "Want to Please eveyone" mode. Garth, You yearn for compassion, love and passion.....because you are full of all these wonderul traits yourself! And you give. :grin
Love beth :sun


:hugondaisyduke Cris!:hugoff
Sounds like you've made some real progressive changes in attitude? Namely, you aren't going to change for anyone else-----just yourself----good growth! The outcome is never ours to control anyway.....only the effort is. Keep up the effort!:grin
Love beth :sun

:hugonSharon:hugoff
I love it when you say, "life doesn't have to be perfect. Amen to that Scam-baby!:grin
It' taken me a life time to come to that realization. It's such a battle to keep on the MASK! I hope you are recouping and feeling much better since your recent bout with M? Sounds like you are?...... in mind and body.....and for that I'm grateful.
Love beth :sun