about those b/p nightmares

[*star]

:hugon:bowl:hugoff
remember before all those posts got deleted, there was one about having nightmares about b/p-ing? i think ive been having those lately! i keep dreaming that my family or friends find my stashes of food, or the garbage i leave behind, or traces of purging.. it only scares me so much because ive been doing it a lot less and if they found anything, theyd think i was doing it constantly. well they dont actually know i have an ed, but they suspect it. i wake up all :scared and then i realize its just a nightmare, but its so real because it really could happen at any time. so to the people that posted about having those nightmares before, im joining your nightmare club! take care all, i :love you :fishys!

[emo_grrrl]

star,
i have those all the time too! my latest one was that there was this party and there was so much food laid out everywhere, like this huge feast. and it was all stuff i love, like candy and ice cream and cake.
i have lots of dreams where i just ate a bunch and regret it but can't find a place to purge...
:ugh i hate those dreams!
:love, emo

[amethyst]

eegads me too!!!! I swear the "full to brimming" feeling is just SO real in those dreams. and I am so glad to wake up and not have binged!

[claradancer]

*star
I've been having the same type of dreams lately (when I do finally get to sleep, usually not too long before I have to wake up) I can't stand them, they feel too real! hopefully they'll go away soon though. Just the other night, I dreamt that one of my sisters found out about my b/p and then confessed to having an ed herself. It just felt too real when I woke up. Let us know if figure out a way to get rid of them. Then maybe we'll all sleep better at night.
:love
aeramdancer

[LilAlice]

I had a dream about my bulimia but it was scarier than any of the above......my friend was purging behind walls i couldn't break down. I could hear her purging and gagging and there was nothing i could do about it. It sucks being bulimic but it sucks even harder to think about your friends doing it too.

[lillileigh]

yeah....i have nightmares about eating all the time. i don't necesarily purge in my dreams but i have to confront food in my life. i hate that about my ed. i can't just not ever have to face food again. everywhere i go it's all around me. i can't take it. like tonite i smoked like smoked smoked. and i got the munchies. and i can't eat anything. i feel like i dont know what is good and what isn't. it never goes away! like in order for me to have a good day i have to work the starvation diet. but then if i eat i feel sooo mad at myself. rarely do i have a day that i can eat and feel comfortable with what's in my stomach. i hate the feeling of being full. i hate the feeling of food in my stomach yet i b/p? it's like the food comforts me or something. like it's the only place i can find pleasure. but then the guilt of having eaten it! and then there's just the pure destructive binges where i'll just eat ANYTHING so i can throw it up. it's not even good stuff. like binge worthy or sometimes even consumption worthy food. so i guess the point of this is YES!, my ed haunts me in my dreams to the same extent it haunts me in my life. dear god...i dont want to live like this!!! will i ever recover. i HATE IT! it's not like i havent tried i've been inpatient for god's sake. but it's just so stubbon it wont leave me! nite guys. :love to my :pinkfishy :greenfishy

:kiss :kiss
*ali*

[*star]

:hugonali:hugoff
rarely do i have a day that i can eat and feel comfortable with what's in my stomach.
agreed!
and then there's just the pure destructive binges where i'll just eat ANYTHING so i can throw it up.
agreed! :ugh

[lillileigh]

i'm so glad you liked my note!! i'm :touched! :love and :kisses! and in the same breath...not so glad :sad why do such horrible things have to happen to wonderful people. such is life i supposed. but i'll be damned (as my grandpap says) if i let this take my life away. much :pinkfishy:love!
:kiss:kiss:kiss
:starsali:stars

:singing:bandwagon:singing
i am a pixie.
i am a paper doll.
i'm a cartoon.
i'm a chipper happy free for all,
and i light up the room.
i am the color me happy girl.
miss live and let live.
and when they're out for blood,
i always give.
:singing:bandwagon:singing
at the end of this tunnel of guilt and shame there must be a light of some kind
gimme a light of some kind
i need a light of some kind
:singing:bandwagon:singing
:singing~ani difranco