I'm New Here

[SweetDreamer]

Hi all, I'm new here (as you all know). But an eating disorder is not new for me. I am sixteen and going to be a senior in high school and I first got my eating disorder when I was thirteen in eighth grade. I had anorexia for a year and lost a lot of weight. But I was very ill and depressed and every other thing that comes with anorexia. After that I started to change and I became a swimmer and I had to become the best since I'm a perfectionist. I don't know what happened but I soon became a binge eater. A year later I became bulimic. I kept that up for eight months and went back to binge eating then back to bulimia and right now I'm a compulsive overeater. (Sorry if this is boring you...I just want you to know some of my crazy history with food). The only person who knows about my eating disorder is my ex-best friend. I can't talk about it with anyone. Just the other day I came out of denial that I didn't have a problem with compulsive overeating. There is a lot of times when I want to go back to being anorexic...I know it's sick but...I'm just so messed up. I want help but I definately don't want anyone to find out. I wish I could just eat normal...how come I can't do it? There isn't a day that doesn't go by without me crying or lying to myself and others. What I would do to be normal and thin...Right now I have the worst feeling of frustration with myself. How did I have the will power back then to starve myself for days and now I can't go through a day w/ out binging? Well, sorry that I'm babbling (if you made it this far). I'll try to keep them shorter...I have read some of your posts and I will pray for you all. Take care.

~Caroline

[*star]

:hugoncaroline:hugoff
welcome to the :bowl! i too have struggled with ana, bul, and coe. There is a lot of times when I want to go back to being anorexic...I know it's sick but...I'm just so messed up. I want help but I definately don't want anyone to find out. I wish I could just eat normaloh my, those were my feelings exactly before i came here. but with help from the :fishys here, im working my way towards recovery and hoping you will too! see ya round!!

[piscesfriend]

Wow, welcome Caroline. Your post has so many things that need addressing. First of all, the first thing you must do is DON'T GO AWAY!!! :) If the fishies are your only support right now, keep talking to us!!! :) We want to help you to start the healing process, and you, like everyone else, NEED support. No one expects you to recover on your own.

Another thing. Do not confuse anorexia with control. Anorexia is just as uncontrolled as binge eating. It is just at the other end of the Eating Disorder spectrum. Trust me, anorexia is NOT control. It takes away your whole life. You can't control it any better than you can control bingeing.

Try to see a greater goal. Being thin does not equal being happy. If you have to hurt yourself, lie to everyone, and feel like you are left out all the time (among many other things), just to be thin, why would that make you happy? The goal is to recover. To recover from the whole ED (eating disorder). To not have to worry about food, to be able to enjoy life, to have happiness. The goal is to deal with the feelings that have brought you to the ED in the first place, and by dealing with the feelings, you're dealing with the ED.

You need to reach out. The fishies can only do so much for you. If no one in your real life knows what you are suffering (I guarantee you your family knows something's not right), then you need to find someone you trust, and reach out for help. The ED lives in you because you are not fighting it with the love and support of others. As long as you keep it a secret, it will thrive. If you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone you know, try to find a coucellor at school that can direct you to a group therapy for ED's, or a therapist that doesn't charge for their services. I know this seems overwhelming right now, but you and I both know that this thing is a downward spiral, and without help, it will be VERY difficult to break free. The time is now. You have begun the process by talking to us. The next step is to get some up-close-and-personal help.

I know you can do it Caroline. Please let me (and the other fishies) know if you make any progress with finding more help. I'm rooting for you, and I know you can do it!

Take care and good luck,

Amanda.

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon caroline:hugoffwelcome to the :bowl your story sounds really familiar, i was thirteen when i started suffering from anorexia. i'm glad you came out of denil about the ED, i think that sometimes that's the hardest step, that and reaching out for the first time. but you already did that by joining the :bowl and posting :balloons i know it's tough but you can get through this, the :bowl is here too help, if you ever want/need to talk, im' alwaays here for you, feel free to IM me or email me anytime :love

[SweetDreamer]

:slimy

Thank you Trish, Amanda, and Christy for welcoming me to the :bowl

I just really needed some support so hopefully i found the right place :happy

And thank you very much Amanda for giving me a different perspective on things and for using your time to reply...ur a sweet:love !

Take care everyone and keep up the fight :bowtie

:singing Caroline

[JenniferO]

hi :flowercaroline:flower

:stars welcome to the :bowl! :stars

maybe you could get a therapist. i'm sure therapy would help out, and you could find out and fix the underlying causes of your ed. perhaps you could check into getting a nutritionist as well. whatever you decide to do, take care of you!!!

much :love to you