Yesterday

[GardenOfSimple]

I wrote this poem today about what happened yesterday. I posted it here because I guess I wanted to share with you.
:trigger

Yesterday
I bought them yesterday
Even though I said I wouldn't.
I bought them yesterday
Even though I knew I shouldn't.

I didn't know what to do;
I was feeling sad, defeated.
I didn't know what to do;
I figured they were what I needed.

I was stopped by a close friend
Who knew about my plans.
I was stopped by a close friend
'Till I left he held my hand.

Now I have to tell him
That I did it even so.
Now I have to tell him
But should he really know?

I hope that things don't change.
I hope trust isn't lost.
I hope that things don't change.
I hope he isn't cross.

If I pormise not to touch them,
Not believing what I say,
If I promise not to touch them
Will that be okay?

Do I need an answer?
Do I need some help?
Do I need an answer?
Or can I figure it out myself?

I know I'll be okay
Even with what I bought.
I know I'll be okay
If I act upon a thought.

Others will not think so.
They'll think I'll be bad again.
Others will not think so.
How can I show them?

So I just won't tell them.
There'll be no evidence I'll show.
So I just won't tell them
And they will never know.

Maybe I won't use them.
Maybe I'll be good.
Maybe I won't use them
Even though I said I would.

I have nothing to hide,
Except for my purchase.
I have nothing to hide
So I'll have less guilt, more bliss.

I bought them yesterday
Even though I knew I shouldn't.
I bought them yesterday
Even though I said I wouldn't.

[Lil_Tenacity]

even though you bought them...
i hope that you won't use them!
your heart and soul and body
are precious; don't abuse them!

this winding road to healing
gets rough at times, i know,
but don't be swayed by FEELINGS,
which always come and go.

heed instead your mind and soul
and those who love you best!
we want to see you well and whole!
so stand up to the test!

we know you can; we know you're strong;
you're SMARTER than the monster...
so put those things where they belong:
right in the backyard dumpster.

;)


... i am in no way making light of your predicament ... ! but i sincerely and truly hope that you will cling to recovery even when hope seems slim. there is no way to win this fight unless we make an active decision--not only to turn our backs on our unhealthy patterns, but to really walk AWAY. please don't give up. you CAN be healthy and happy. you have it in you!

lots of hugs

[piscesfriend]

If your friend helped you for a while, and you gave in later, don't worry about telling them. If they understand how hard this is for you, they won't expect you to be perfect. They can only help you if you tell them the truth. Otherwise, if you tell them nothing's wrong, they won't help because as far as they know, there's nothing to worry about. Stay open to your friends. Guilt is a feeling the ED uses to control you, to stay strong inside you. Don't let the ED stay strong. Keep being honest, and keep your friend in the loop. He cares about you, and would not want you to suffer alone.

Amanda.