go out

[Everyonesmom]

When I go out with friends and relatives or even somewhere I might bump into someone who hasn't seen me for awhile I am so uncomfortable. I pray they don't see me or recognize me. I am so embarrassed at the way I look. and what they may think. I know I shouldn't be this way. It's just something I really fight with. When relatives play pool I won't play with them. I don't want to bend over and hit the ball in front of them.(the husbands mainly)
My dad was visiting. He noticed I had something on my shirt. I brushed it off and told him I had just bought it and it was bigger than needed to be because I hadn't washed it yet. He looked at me with such dissappointment on his face. I knew it was because my size. I know it's concern but it hurts to see that look.

Praise God he loves me no matter my size.

[Heart Of A Lion]

Awww sweetie, I can totally relate to what you're saying. I feel exactly the same way in front of relatives/friends I haven't seen in a while either. I'm afraid I will have to explain myself in detail that need not be discussed, and thus embarass myself beyond belief. It's a huge fear, and I know it well. We all want to be accepted and appreciated, and we know that an Eating Disorder doesn't exactly contribute to either of the two.

I've been recovering for just over three months now, and I can tell you that it gets easier. Not only because you are coming into a healthier weight, but because your confidence grows as well. For the most part, I couldn't give a flying fuck what people think I look like anymore. I'm focusing on me. I know that if they are superficial and rude enough to say something negative about me, or to make me feel negative, they aren't worth my time. I focus on the people I'm close to and the people I love. Those are the ones that will be with you when you DO recover. They will be the ones that are going to be there to celebrate YOU. Who cares about everyone else, they simply aren't worth your worries.

So please, I know it's hard, but try your best to give yourself as much credit as you can. People that mean something are the ones that are going to accept you for what is on the inside. Everyone else is a non-issue.

Take care of yourself!

[piscesfriend]

Well said, Chris! I agree entirely, you don't need to let ANYONE drag you down when you are fighting the biggest battle of your life. Seek those who will love you for who you are. They are the only true friends. Sometimes this disorder opens your eyes a little to who your friends (and family) really are, and that can be a hard lesson to learn, but in the end, aren't we better off? I think so. Surround yourself with only the best people, because you deserve the best!!! :)

Love,

Amanda