Negative thought patterns: Ways to break the cycle

[CerealKiller]

I will confess I may be using this site and using it hard in the next couple of weeks for my own recovery. This support could be good if I use it in the right way. I've sat down and tried to think what I need from here and what I'm struggling with right now.

Oddly, weight and food are the least of my concerns right now. I've gained weight, but oh well, my cheeks have color in them and I'm getting paid just the same, so it all evens out. What I am struggling with is finding ways to break out of the negative way of perceiving the world that caused me to have an Ed in the first place (and abuse alcohol and other drugs at one point, all because I didn't know how to deal with my feelings which were seldom rational anyway. Oh they were rational enough based on my perception of reality, but my perception seldom had anything to do with the reality of the rest of the world.)

My thought patterns have often not been conducive to life or to health, and I am working hard now at breaking out of them. Some of them are as follows:

:bullet Black and white thinking - Everything and everyone is always either 'good' or 'bad'. No in betweens. I have had some good success in breaking free of this, but it still looms up from time to time.

:bullet Tunnel vision - Whatever I feel at this moment is the only thing that is real. 'I am sad, therefore I will always be sad, I should just give up and die, what's the point?' This is still a big problem with me, that I have only begun to recently address.

:bullet Everything is personal -- People never forget things or don't see you in my world; if they behave rudely to you, it is always deliberate and done because they hate you. Needless to say, this makes for a sad and bewildering and often angry existence, because what fun is life when you are seeing people who 'hate' you at every slight? I've at least recognized this trait in myself -- finally-- so I am beginning work on it, but there's no question it has always been my biggest problem.

These are some of my negative perceptions. What are some of yours? And what would you suggest you do to 'catch' yourself when these feelings loom up? It often happens to me unaware, and I have found making an effort to remain aware and catch myself helps, but I would like to know even more ways to reinforce new modes of thinking and recognize the unhealthy patterns the moment they appear so I am not trapped into perceiving the world inaccurately and hurting myself needlessly. All suggestions are welcome, and if you share some of your own negative thought patterns, maybe myself or others can help come up with some solutions. If not, at least recognizing them is a good step in the right direction, because you will better understand how your own mind is contributing to your unhappiness and then will know what you need to work on. :flower

Self-improvement may be a never ending journey! :bug

:ufo

[JenniferO]

:starscereal killer:stars

:bounce all-or-nothing/ black or white kind of chica here!
:bouncepersonalization
:bounce catastraphizing, meaning i blow things waaaaaayyyyy out of PrOpOrTiOn!!!

my therapist is doing cognitive therapy with me. and i all ready feel a little more in control of my thoughts. one of the ideas is that no one can make you sad/ mad/ or feel any certain way. it's your thoughts that make you feel a certain way...so change those thoughts! i'm learning how to rationalize my thoughts, and talk back to the negative thoughts....and it's working wonders. there's a double column technique that i 'm using to rationalize my thoughts and even question them....for example, if i thought, "oh, he must think i'm so stupid" then i would rationalize that thought ,and then ask the following question.."what if he did think i was stupid, what then?" i answer that question, then rationalize the answer and keep doing this process until i find what is at the root of my discomfort! i hope this makes sense. maybe you could check out the book. it's called Feeling Good, i wanna say by David Burns.....it's on the whole congnitive therapy idea. you should give it a read!

ok, wooh, that was long.
take care of yourself!

[CerealKiller]

Thank you, I will look up that book! :happy That sounds very similar to what I am doing now myself, and I think writing it down and working it out in my journal will be good for me and keep reinforcing it. I guess it just requires constant vigilance.

In AA, they used to call the negative thought patterns 'stinking thinking' so I think I will continue to use that phrase so that I may avoid 'stinking thinking' whenever possible.

Also they had something called H.A.L.T. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. And the idea is you should never let yourself get too much into any of those places, because that leads to relapses (into eating disorder behavior or drinking or anything else) so if you feel any of those things: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. It's time to stop and take a good honest look at where you are and address those feelings before they rebound back in your face.

Thanks for the book suggestion, I will try and find it this week! :flower

[Jik]

Marlene,

Some of the negative thought patterns that ruled my life for too many years (and can slip back in there in times of stress) were as follows:

Fatalism: The thoughts that I was destined to be responsible for everyone. That it was my lot in life to never know peace or happiness. That life would never get better.

Cynisism: Why should I try - I'm destined to miserable forever and even if something good happens it never lasts so don't get too relaxed.

Self-guarding: Don't trust anyone too much because that would give them power over me. Knowledge is power so keep the secrets and I would be safe.

Pessimisim: That is my luck - all bad.

Black and white thinking of course - one bad thing happens and it sets the tone for the entire day.

How I changed the above was no easy process and even today as I stated when stress starts mounting I can find those negative tapes running.

Honestly, how I changed them was to challenge the logic behind the thoughts. Instead of agreeing with the statements I gave myself I began to ask myself why? Why was I destined to miserable, etc. When I tried to answer those questions I could not come up with any factual reasons for them.

Oh, I could list many occasions in my life which brought pain and sadness and reinforced those beliefs but I really had no valid facts proving the above way of thinking. This is what brought me to begin making small changes in my life.

Things like if I accidently spilled coffee on my shirt in the morning I would stop the thought of this is going to be a bad day and remind myself that this is just but one moment in the day. I began to live in the moment and not let the moment define my existence.

I keep the catch phrase "Keep it in perspective" active in my mind for the rough moments of life. This helps me keep the negative thoughts in check.

Well, on that note - I'm checking out and checking into a good nights sleep.

Joy

[crimson_promise]

I can really relate to your black and white thinking (as am beginning to think the majority of people with ED's think this way)

Some things im currently trying to deal with as well, is 'mommy syndrome'- the desire to take care of everyone and the belief that i can "save the world"

The belief that everything is my fault, no matter what you say

The feeling that, everyone hates me (someone saying 'i dont really want to talk right now, or something like that, would really inforce this feeling)

a feeling of inadequecy~ TO EVERYTHING :(

Im not in therapy or anything like that, so these are all things ive had to basically recognize myself...and i am sure that there are alot of other things that i have not recognized. but..to reinforce the positive part, as ive been trying to do lately...these are things that i *have* found out about myself :)

Rebecca

[ebuddy]

Hi I too have been stuck in that negative thinking mode. I think why try, it won't matter any way. My biggest obstacles to overcome are allowing myself to feel emotions. I have a diffcult time expressing my feelings. In my family, we didn't talk about problems, instead it was like an unwritten rule. If you don't talk about it it didn't happen. So I learned then how to hide my emotions. This has resulted in me feeling very numb, and empty inside. So I used eating to stuff my emotions. I am slowing learning that it's okay to feel happy, sad, excited, angry depending on the situation. In other words not going thru the world just feeling numb. Another issue I have is it's diffcult for me to trust, especially someone I would be romanically interested in. I just assume that they will hurt me, so I don't allow my self to trust or get close. :bandwagon I realize now how this thinking really hinders me instead of helping me. I have had alot of feeling surface lately about my past, and I am trying to work through them instead of denying them like I did for years. I am sorry this post didn't offer much advice, but it's my first one. I just want to wish everone a Happy Week and ****th of July. I do like to listen, so please e-mail me any time you need support
ebuddy

[Pella]

Ahhh...dealing with feelings...:hugoncerealkiller:hugoff Yes..I've been known to go into feelings freeze mode when faced with emotional pain and negative thought patterns. Heck, my feelings had been frozen for so long......I was turning into a cube of artic ice!

Truth is...real power comes from feeling that hurt. But that hurts! I ask myself, "can I really feel vulnerable enough to feel the hurt?" Yes mam....and I'd better..... if I want to recovER. I join you in the quest in recognizing the defeat of negativity in my thoughts.

You're right! It's about awareness in the first place. And our willingness and capacity to feel the hurts, because once we can do that.....it'll eventually be matched by our willingness and capacity to feel joy!
Immunity to pain of some form or other is pretty non-exsistent in this life....so I want to learn to take care of myself, and like and even love ME when I'm in ......or going through the pain.

An awareness of one of my negative thought patterns goes something like this.......
I find it difficult to open myself up to help. Delegation is difficult for me. I want to do it for and by myself. Dependence is weakness. I realize now what a fallacy this "thinking" is. I would still be heavily into denial with this ed after twenty years if I hadn't reached out for help! Chipping away at those walls layered against vulnerability. I crave vulnerability now! The challenge I seek is to ask for help when needed. The gift has been not only receiving, but having a desire to help others in a pure way.
Love beth :sun

[CerealKiller]

Lots of food for thought here, my favorite meal! :happy

Where should I even begin? Joy :love
some of your things really gave me some stuff to think about, because self-guarding is or has been an issue here certainly. I'm trying to let go of that now, and just be nice to people and be myself and assume that I'll be liked if I follow those rules. If they don't, oh well, it's not my problem. As long as I like my company, I can never get too bored! :cute I have fun with myself when I allow it and when I do, I think it'll be easy for others to have fun with me too.

Letting one thing set the tone for the day is something I've also been guilty of in the past, though I've noticed I've been a lot better about it lately. Unless you lose a limb, someone dies, or thousands of dollars of damage ensues, it's probably not worth sweating over. But I'm glad you mentioned it because that's definitely something I need to add to my list to watch out for! Thank you for sharing this here.
Rebecca, I can relate to a lot of the the list you posted, particularly the 'everyone hates me' syndrome, and in the past I've always been too scared to speak up about it, because I've been so certain my interpretation was correct, and thus the person would not even want to speak to me so why ask about it? However, unless you've had a screaming fight with someone chances are they are NOT mad at you. It's the hardest thing in the world, but what really helps is learning to give voice to those feelings. When in doubt, ask. Give yourself time to calm down a bit, phrase the question so it's not too defensive or accusatory and just ask about your fears. Say, 'Hey, so-and-so, this may sound silly, but you're not mad at me about the 'whatever you're worried about.' I've been scared that it came out sounding wrong or that you thought I meant this when I meant that.'

Usually the person will have had no idea you felt that way, and so they'll have a better understanding of where you're coming from. Often I've had people thinking I was mad at them, and I thought they were mad at me, and neither of us had confidence to address it so much needless heartache ensued that could have been avoided had we voiced our fears. Even writing letters is a good start if you are not comfortable with face-to-face confrontation at this point.

Ebuddy, welcome to the boards! :balloons :supergrin This can be a great place to work on recovery if it's used right and make new friends as well. Have you been to the Fishy Think Tank yet? There are lots of games and questions in there to help you focus on where you are and where you want to be. I've printed out the games and list and today bought a hole puncher and put them in a binder labeled 'Recovery journal.' That way you can answer them at your leisure and also save your own answers to read later. The self-esteem board and the spirituality board are also a couple of my favorite places. (The spirituality board is open to discuss ALL faiths, spiritual beliefs outside of organized religions, and even lack of faith and your own beliefs.)

Anyway, you and Pella both said something I can really relate to: numbing out your feelings to avoid pain. Oh boy how I could relate to that! :surprise I am one that has been very guilty of that in the past! And when I first entered recovery and started to deal with my feelings, well, needless to say, it wasn't always a pretty picture. :ugh It was messy and uncomfortable and I cried a lot and blew up over little things and wondered if I was going crazy. Only with time and patience did it pass. And also, it did have to get worse before it got better. Only by allowingg my emotions to fill me and then boil over was I able to truly see that something was wrong here and needed to change. And then I was able to start picking up pieces, and looking at the whys and hows of my feelings and begn understanding them now that I had begun feeling them. the nice thing, however, is that once I accepted that, yes, I would feel sadness more often and be more vulnerable, I also began to feel more joy and simple happiness and the sadness stopped being the predominant emotions. Early recovery is the hardest thing in the world, I can't lie about that, but I am finding every day more and more that it is worth it. :stars I'm not even sure where you both are in recovery, but from what I've read here, you're working it hard and really making an effort to change for the better :ican and I think that is very cool. :cool and look forward to supporting each other and sharing ideas, thoughts and impressions as we move forward. :bandwagon

Take care, and thank you all for sharing your thoughts here, they have helped! :happy

:ufo :drawblue

Be who you are and say what you feel; those matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. Dr. Suess