Fighting my spiritual growth????

[doggie]

:hugon :bowl :hugoff Does anyone else find that after a couple of weeks,or whatever time, of really studying, and working at learning about the paths to God and faithfully doing meditation, prayer and other spiritual work that you shut down for a while???? I'm not saying I stop believing but just shut down to talking to God off and on in the day rather than doing any formal connecting....sometimes I find this very frustrating about myself and then at times I've found that I have a clearer mind when I return to real prayer, meditation, yoga etc. It's as though I needed time to assimilate what I have learned and my deeper attachment to God and my spiritual self. Or I'm just lazy and afraid of true commitment:scared....OH, OH, hope not....go with the flow.....:peace :dog

[Simone]

Doggie

Don't doubt the "down time." I always find that this time is extremely important for assimilation. I become a bit suspicious when someone does not allow herself "down time.":esp

:flower

[purple_tao]

:hugon :dog (and Simone) :hugoff

That is SO me.......thought I was the only one. Yes, I go through those periods. And I always get frustrated with myself when I realize that I'm NOT being as spritiually close with my Creator as I was a few days prior. :ugh Right, maybe we are "recharging"!!

:dog, I know you use the metaphor of you and God holding hands (me, too!!). Perhaps, letting go of His hand for a while is just your way of wiping the sweat off your palms. hehehe remember holding hands with teenage sweethearts!! Once your hand is dry, you grasp for that connection again!!

You're a :stars, doggy :supergrin !! From reading your posts, you are NOT afraid of a closer spiritual attachment! You are those beautiful, bright colors beaming out of a rainbow :grin :yay

Keep :kick, gang!

:peace
:love

[caterpillar]

Hmmm! I don't know about this. What do you mean using down time to assimilate? When I find that I have disconnected with God, my meditations and prayer it's because I've allowed negative, harmful thoughts or complacancy to have priority. I'm not assimilating any good things during these periods. Rather, I'm listening to another god ~ my ED. I may come back refocused but usually in desperation because the down time is destructive and I'm coming back for rescue. And yes, this is extremely frustrating. Coincidentally, I am just now turning back to God after several weeks of assimilating disordered eating thoughts and behaviors and resultant physical consequences. I just can't imagine a full recovery without DAILY communion with God.

caterpillar

[Pella]

:hugondoggie:hugoff
I think the biggest obstacle I've had in recovery lies in my fear of trusting God with my failed behavior. Those snippets in time are when I feel far away from Him. And it's not because He left me. God is so merciful and it just takes me to acknowledge that-----so that I can trust Him again to replace my fear with His grace/mercy.
Love beth :sun

[Simone]

Caterpillar,

I am sorry to hear that you find the "down time" from spiritual intensity so destructive and painful. However, we really need time to integrate our practices. After all, spiritual practice is just that :practice. If it is to be meaningful, it has to translate into practical life.

The ed is an illness. Spirituality should not be a crutch, but a sail.

:flower

[doggie]

:hugonSimone & purple-tao:hugoff I love the idea that we are assimilating what we have learned and letting it all settle. I find that during this time I usually just naturally let go of much of the bulk of what I have read and am left with those gems which feel "right & true" to me, thanks :angel :fishy's :winky

:hugoncaterpillar & pella:hugoff I know what you mean.....I too have felt that I stay apart from God because I am too ashamed to face Him(as though I can hide):sly when I am not doing well with my ED.....I have forgiven myself for my ED behaviour now though and still have these slow times on my spiritual journey. I really believe that I need to step back and just live with the new steps I have taken in order for them to become part of the cloth that is my life. Time out to shed my old skin and fit into the new one. As long as I feel I have grown:winky (no pun intended) after each retreat within I will try to accept these times as positive and useful. I look at works from so many different schools of thought that it takes a little time to shuffle the new cards into the old deck and get rid of the jokers:cheesy

I suppose I must admit that at this point I am not concerned as much with overcoming my ED as I am with healing the damage caused to my soul:ugh which has brought on the fear:scared and emptiness:sad that have caused the ED behaviour in the first place. I believe that by working on my spiritual growth and letting my relationship with God take it's natural and inevitable course I will begin to feel whole and happy and as a result of this my ED behaviour will diminish and eventually disappear. :supergrin

I definetly hear the beat of a different drummer......:cousinit and I love the pathway's that are constantly being opened up for me in my search for oneness with God :angel.......:peace and :love to all us in the :bowl :dog

[tessi]

I have those "down times" spiritually as well. I look at them this way...Last night as I was walking, I noticed a little boy on a bike and his mom. He had a balloon on his handle bars and, for a while, he stayed close to Mom. Finally, though, he couldn't stand it and just broke away--freely riding with the balloon blowing behind him. His mom called out, "Now, be careful, Joey!" She knew how fun that was to take off and fly! But she also knew he would be back. Her loving arms would be there for him. Her loving guidance was always there for him.

That is the way my relationship with God goes along sometimes. I break away, test the waters, fly free, but always come back to His loving arms. As a loving Father, He understands this and loves me all the more.
Tessi

[doggie]

:hugontessi:hugoff What a beautiful analogy :supergrin......Oddly enough when I first started reading it I thought the boy was breaking away from earthly things and flying into the spiritual unknown and then back to his earthly nest......It seems to me to work both ways......Thanks, I will remember this.....:peace & :love :dog