Self-esteem and failure

[penguinlady]

Hello :fishy s. As a special education teacher I know the impact on self-esteem from failure and have been able to teach ways to help my kids. Now, ironically, I am trying to overcome it myself. I had a few years of recovery and experienced my first relapse in February. Along with that sense of deep failure, in itself, I am in a graduate class that is somewhat out of my "area" and am feeling great failure because I am struggling and not making "A's". I have become an instant mom to a wonderful, but very ADHD, little girl, who herself has been through 'crap' and I feel I am failing as a mom because I don't know what to do.
I know intellectually those things don't make me a failure but I am having a hard time convincing myself and my hear.
Please help if you can.
:penguin penguinlady

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon :penguin lady :hugoffwelcome to the :bowl i'm glad you joined and posted. i'm not sure what kind of advice i'll have but i hope it helps at least a little :love

you're not failing as a mom at all, it sounds like you're wonderful :grin you must be if you'd take her to help her :grin and i'm sure she thinks you're wonderful too :love

just take it one day at a time and you and your little girl will be fine :love

[jazzibleu]

Knowing that someone cares about you means more than any "right" words they could say to you.

Just love her and teach her she has unconditional value.

[Pella]

:hugonPenguinlady:hugoff
You have a few years of recovery under your belt now, you are going through a graduate class AND you are tackling motherhood in a very challenging situation! Just attempting ONE of those situations would probably bowl me over! :grin
You cannot fail in whatever you try!
Life's lessons come through failures probably more than successes.
Self-esteem has nothing to do with avoiding mistakes or having a relapse.
We are not what we do.
Look at your accomplishment of being in recovery as long as you have and realize that it takes real courage and persistence. :happy
The relapse is only a bump in the road you can use to climb up on. Turn your thinking around, and instead of seeing it as a failure-----look at it as an opportunity to know yourself better.....perhaps even a blessing in disguise?

I've only been in recovery for four months now....and the several setbacks I've had have motivated me to stick to this even more. The crappy feelings are hard at first.....In fact the hardest part for me was to try and feel good about myself.....not after the relapse was over and "figured out"......but during and inspite of the setback.

How can you fail as a mom? You must really love this little girl to have taken on the challenge of being an "instant mother."
Trust your love, it's the best teacher.
Love beth :sun

[penguinlady]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It's fishies like you that help keep me going.

[dramadiva]

:hugonPenguinlady:hugoff

You are not a failure. If you try to do something, and you know you have tried your best, that's all you can possibly do. Don't feel you are a bad mother. As long as a mother is kind, loving, and always there with an open heart and lots of hugs, I think your kids will love you. About the grades you are recieving: is it more important to have an "A" on a paper than to say "wow, I really learned something, and I am smarter and more open minded because of it." ? That's the whole point of classes. Everything will be ok. Your family loves you no matter what your grades ad records look like. I admire you for taking such challenges. Best wishes!!!

[nas]

Well.... You got an "a" in your class!! Yeah for you!! You sound like you are a great mom!!

:yay :yay :yay

You are not a failure in any way!!