Clarity

[Pella]

:hugonFishies:fishy:hugoff
It's taken me many years of living with this ed and recent journey into recovery to really realize and understand that what I thought was my problem {ed} is just the tip of the iceberg. Just a solution to easing the pain. That quitting the behavior was only the start. That each breakthrough in new "thinking" is helping me redefine my recovery process and my life.

I came across this verse in the Bible. "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." (first Cor. ten:thirtyone) Reflecting on that scripture made me really look at "How do I see myself?" "How do I see God?" Before I started recovery, my poor self-image was the source of much anxiety and depression. Even though now I realize the ed is an illness, I still suffered guilt and shame mixed in with denial over it all. The external representation of my inner self and turmoil was a major disappointment. :sad I was always trying to achieve perfection in my own strength. In my head.....I knew that God accepts us for what we are, and that our perfection is in Christ. But it just never sank in. Or just for a moment.
It wasn't real to me.

Throughout all the baby steps I've been taking the last few months in recovery.....that truth is finally making some head/heart sense. :happy I'm spiritually trying to develop the "courage" to be imperfect. That God calls us to be the best that we can be.....but we need to realize that even when we have tried our best and reached our ultimate potential....we will still be imperfect. There is always going to be someone more successful, stronger, or prettier than we are.....the question is....can I give them the right to be this way? Can I accept it without knocking myself? In God's strength I can. I am learning and feeling that truth now. :happy
Love beth :sun

[Simone]

Hi Beth,
It does indeed take a lot of courage to be imperfect. Only after years and years of insistance on perfection, am I beginning to let go.:kick

At some point, after all that pain and self-denial (with no end in sight) does the very question of "what is perfection?" arise.

[fefa]

You touched my :love!! And you know what else, God LOVES us the way we are, no matter if we are not perfect or what! He just loves us, and we need to accept that he loves us the was we are!!! This was so beautiful!!

[Pella]

:hugonSimone:hugoff
That is a great question! Asking "what is perfection?" is sort of relative. What defines perfection for one person may not apply to someone else? There is some universality to it......but I do think that the struggle to keep up appearances unnecessarily, THE MASK-----whatever name you give perfectionism robs us of our energies. It sure has mine.

Perfection to me was all about adhering to someone elses expectations (parents, teachers, peers) instead of my own compass of morality and values. As I got older I wanted to project a different image, and then was resentful of my desire to do so? Family imprinting can be so strong. I played the "If Only?" game. I wanted more than I had materially and spiritually. I hadn't learned the gift of contentment in any situation. "pride goeth before a fall." I've since learned I'm not perfect and I'm not worthless------I'm somewhere in between on the scale of being human and that realization has really softened my vision of life.
Thanks Simone for your reply that got me "thinking!"

:hugonFefa:hugoff
Isn't it comforting to know God loves and accepts us just the way we are? Whew! We can put the past behind us and look at each day as a new beginning! That gives me so much hope going through recovery/life. We can let go and let God.....live and let live. The challenge is to share God's love and accept others and let them know we care, love and accept them just as He does for us. My own will power can never accomplish what acceptance will do. Fefa....I hope you're father is doing well now?
Love beth :sun

[Anonymous_Member009]

once again, you move me to a deeper introspection of myself. God does accept me. it doesn't readily sink in for some reason.

this morning i read this post before i went to church...bawled at the altar...all the while thinking i have to get my act together so i can move on in life.

but my act isn't "getting together" - but from what i know about God (not enough), i am loved and forgiven.

i wish i had a shunt to my soul that i could implant that in there.

jeanette

by the way: i posted a question in this forum about a verse having to do with this idea.

[doggie]

:hugonfishy's:hugoff We are all aiming for self love which we must develop if we want to have a true relationship will God :angel.....I believe that it is supposed to be an effort to attain that state of mind.....we appreciate and respect that which we have to work hard for much more than something which is just handed to us......we will succeed.......:peace :dog

[Pella]

You had my eyes in tears :hugonjeanette:hugoff as I read about you crying at the altar today. :touched That is what is so wonderful about coming to Christ. You can come just as you are! So often we feel like we need to clean up our lives or have our act together before we can come to the knowledge/experience of His saving grace. And if that were the case.....not of us would ever make it! All fall short. I'm going to check out your post about the scripture in this forum now. Keep believing.
Love beth :sun

:hugonDoggie:hugoff
I do believe we have to work at having self-love. God calls us to love Him with all our hearts, love others and ourselves. And by loving God....he gives us the will, the stength and the LOVE for others as well as ourselves. :happy Love beth :sun

[fefa]

:hugon Beth :hugoff

Thank you for asking about my dad. He is doing much better now. And you know what? Sometimes you just have to say to God: Know the best you can, I am giving you my problem and I know you will help me find a solution, cause you are here with me! Sometimes we just WORRY so much!!!
take care of YOURSELF!!