Who I Am

[Naomi]

:bounce Hey fishies! :bounce

I haven't posted in a very long time as I have been going through a very dark time, but I am heading on a better path now and look forward to being able to post a lot more. :sun

The topic of self esteem is a huge one for me, as it is for all of us, and I am only just beginning to scratch the surface of it in therapy.

What I wanted to say in this post is that I am, with the help of a wonderful therapist, slowly finding out who I am. I am discovering that I am NOT, nor have I EVER been, defined by the way my parents treated me. I am beginning to learn that the fact that they didn't love me DOES NOT mean that I was unlovable. The fact that they didn't value me, DOES NOT mean that I had no value. In fact, they sure missed out on a hell of a lot. Now that I am a parent of two wonderful children myself, I can see the HUGE blessings to be had in loving and nurturing my babies into healthy and happy young people. They are my greatest treasure.

I am only on the very beginning of this journey, and to a large degree do not really know who it is that I see when I look in the mirror. That can be seen as sad, as I am thirty one years old next week and have lost a lot of time, but on the other hand it can be seen as exciting! I am in charge of my life and where it goes from now. I am on the path of finding out who I am and what I am capable of. Isn't that wonderful?????????

:pinkfishy Take care my precious fishies. :pinkfishy Love and encouragement to you all on your own paths. :love Thanks so much to Amy and Tony for giving us this forum and all that it brings to us. :gift That gift is immeasurable. We all love you. :love :love :love

:peace Peace fishies! :peace

My love to you all!

:love Naomi :love

[smiles-a-lot]

HI Naomi :happy

I am so glad you are beginning to learn about who you are. I am also trying to do this in therapy. I find it so hard to let go of feelings of worthlessness, disgust, ugliness and dirtiness that were forced upon me by my perps as a child. It's hard to change the way you see yourself inside.... but I am trying and will continue to do so. I find the more I am able to have a positive feeling about myself the better I do with my eating and self-esteem.

You are absolutely right that your parents missed out by not being there for you and loving you as they should. You sound like a wonderful, intelligent, caring individual and you should be proud of yourself for all that you've accomplished and for becoming the parent that yours were not. Hold your head up high girl... you are taking charge, growing and hopefully soon you will see what a truely beautiful person you are! Good luck in your journey :butterfly

[Jik]

Hello Naomi,

It truly is a liberating feeling when you reach the point where it is possible to live today in the moment with the awareness that you have choices to chooe from.

Don't feel bad about reaching the lower scales of the thirties without having come to this conclusion and resolution. I am in my mid to upper thirties and can honestly say that it has been in the last year that I have seen a turn for the better in my self-image and self-esteem.

For me it is the gift of today. I give this to myself on a daily basis. I wasted so many years running from the pain of the past and chasing dreams for the future that I lost out on the most precious time of all - now. I don't do this anymore.

For anyone else who is suffering from the brainwashing that an abusive relationship programmed into us, it is possible to move beyond that pain and gain true acceptance and liking for who you are today.

Joy

[starbrightstarlight]

:hugon Naomi :hugoff


That is so :stars Wonderful :stars to hear. :ear I am so proud of you. Realizing that you do have value and that you are loveable :love is a huge step in recovery. I am so :happy for you. Keep up the awsome work. I :love you and am always here for you!

[Naomi]

:hugon smiles-a-lot :hugoff
:hugon jik :hugoff
:hugon starbrightstarlight :hugoff

Thank you guys so much for your replies. Your support, love and encouragement mean so much more than I can say. I send my love and encouragement to you all on your own journeys.

It is such a struggle to find ourselves underneath the behaviours and the abuse. It is something we shouldn't have had to do, but here we are. At least we are in the battle. We are not giving up. We are moving forward. We are CHAMPIONS!

Sending all my love always. Thanks again for your wonderful words. I treasure them!

:love Naomi :love

[dreadbunny]

Amen, Sister Naomi!!!

I'm reaching that realization myself- that the fact that my parents don't value me does not in any way mean I am without value, it just means that they missed out on one hell of a daughter! My poetry professor once told me she would have been so happy to have had me as a daughter and it made me totally start crying in class. :touched :shy

And don't feel bad just because you're waking up to this at thirty-one- I'm twenty-seven (not far behind you!) and am just taking baby steps myself. I think we both deserve a parade just for getting this far. :balloons

Thank you for such an inspiring post! Take care!

:love
:bunny

[Naomi]

:hugon dreadbunny :hugoff

Thank you for your reply to my post hon! I am so pleased to hear that you are on the same journey as I am. It is a tough one, but at the end won't we be absolutely wonderful???? :stars

I think it is wonderful that your poetry professor said that to you. How awesome is that? You must be a wonderful person bunny! :yay

I wish you all the best with your own battle hon and would love to chat with you sometime in the bowl if we are swimming at the same time! I thought I also might tell you that I wrote a poem in the creative and fun section of the boards. You might want to have a look? Anyway, just a thought! :idea

Take care bunny! My love, support and encouragement go out to you. Thank you so much for taking the time out to encourage me. Believe me, it was a blessing to me.

lotsa love,

:love Naomi :love

[KShine]

:hugon:loveNaomi:love:hugoff

Wow it seems are parents are a bit alike.:happy I am so glad you are learning all the wonderful things you are in therapy and it is helpful to you. I hope things continue to get better for you and oh my gosh I forgot.....

:balloonsHappy Bday:balloons
I hope it was a good one for you.

:loveKShine:cute