View Full Version : i'm just so tired

05-06-2012, 09:12 AM
In my last thread I talked about how i'm struggling to come to terms with my sexuality and how the girl I've been in love with moved on but promised to always be there for me and whatnot (i'm going to refer to her as S because its easier). Anyway, things with S got weird after she read a story about my history that I had written for the counselor. For a week she didn't talk to me, and now when she does it's very shallow and short texts. On top of this, I accidentally let it slip to one of my other friends that I had dated a girl and now she won't talk to me either. And my best friend who I have shared everything with and understands and is there for me is moving for school halfway around the country and so are my two sisters,.who don't know anything, but are two of my best friends as well. I'm so tired of everyone leaving me. I know it's selfish and whatnot, but I need them. I feel so alone and abandoned and I don't know what to do. I feel like they all just want to move on from me. I think this is made worse by the fact that S and my friend are actually avoiding me because of who I am and what I've done.
I hate being this girl. I hate being so needy and wanting people around. I wish I could be more independent and not so bothered by people moving on with their lives or people not wanting top be friends with me. I'm so tired of mourning friendships. I want to not care that everyone is moving away and I want to be okay with losing my friends. I want to stop feeling like I don't matter to people, or stop caring that I don't matter.

And now i'm losing my counselor because school is over and i'm graduating. She was the first counselor I've liked who didn't make me feel like I was being judged and the first one I've ever told all of my truths to. Everything is changing and it sucks and i'm so tired. Does anyone else feel like this? how can I make this feeling stop?