View Full Version : Why so loney?

05-06-2012, 03:36 AM
Does anyone else struggle with beig extremely lonely, even though they have heaps of friends? I'm trying to peice together what is happening in my head, why I feel like this...I have a pretty wide social circle of people with whom I have plenty of common interests and do heaps of fun stuff...I also have a couple of people who are close friends, who I can confide in, who I trust etc...my family loves me and they always have...so why, WHY this crippling loneliness?

I notice, sometimes, that I have this strange neediness, though I can't for the life of me work out what for...I do wish I had someone, more than a friend. I can't seem to hold down a long term relationship these days. I feel like maybe there's something wrong with me, like maybe the neediness shows? Is it obvious that behind the mask I wear for most people, I hurt?

How do I figure out what it is that I seem to be lacking, and is this the reason I'm lonely? Sometimes I'm aching to just be held...for someone to tell me they love me again
And yet I am totally incapable of putting myself out there...I'm so guarded, I won't let myself feel anything for someone until they feel it first, and so far it's saved me a few times, to me it just seems like proof I'm doing the right thing. And lately, after yet anther let down, I find u just don't want to go there anymore... I have no expectations anymore, I am tired of the whole dating game. But I also don't want to be alone.

05-06-2012, 04:48 AM
How do I figure out what it is that I seem to be lacking, and is this the reason I'm lonely? Sometimes I'm aching to just be held...for someone to tell me they love me again

I know how lonely I felt and sometimes can still feel as I
can relate so well to wanting to have a special person too
and to be held and loved.

Fear of closeness, intimacy and being hurt is just that..fear
and yet to me the joys of having someone in my life can
bring me such joy that its worth facing for me.

The 'other' lonely for me was my addictions which made what
some call a 'hole in my soul' which was brutally painful as I
never ever felt a part of anything. I didnt fit in or belong or
wasnt good enough. That loneliness was the worst for me and
only got 'filled' in recovery by spirituality and finally belonging.

My walls kept out evil but they also kept out good.

Perhaps the time has come for you to consider what is really
healthy and good for you whatever that may be. Loneliness
is brutally painful and sometimes we need to chose what is
risky and frightening yet so rewarding.

god bless.

05-06-2012, 05:31 AM
Yep. I get this. I put up walls to avoid getting close to people, so I won't be hurt when the relationship ends (which I fully expect it to because I assume I will 'stuff it up' at some point).

Quite often I think I even subconsciously start alienating people when I think I'm getting close to them, just to avoid being hurt later when I do screw up (don't know if that makes any sense at all). I'm talking about friendships here too, but think it would be the same for a romantic relationship.

Maybe having no expectations is a good thing. Go in with an open mind and just let it evolve. Whatever happens happens.

Anyway, hang in there. Sending you hugs :gimmehug

05-07-2012, 06:26 AM
The thing is, I don't know I'd it's right it get close to someone...I guess you can't know. But or two relationships in te past couple of years I was definitely right not to et close to them! Another, I did open up, we were together three years and it was amazing, but when it alm fell apart it hurt so bad I didn't think I'd live through it...the most recent is a good friend, still, and I thought it might actually work out, he a pretty decent guy...but as it turned out he felt the friendship was more important and would work better for us...and I totally agree...but still if I'd put myself out there as much as I otherwise would, it would hurt. I mean it hurts anyway. I can't get past the fear of being rejected, like it would be the worst possible thing that could happen...and yet it seems like it happens a lot!