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klpklp
05-02-2012, 08:57 PM
I'm fourteen years old and never before have I truly discussed my sexuality with anyone, until Saturday. I told my therapist that I was concerned that I might be attracted to girls, and he told me I wasn't. Who is he to tell me what I do and do not like?!? I didn't even want to discuss the topic with him, but I thought maybe it would help me understand myself better. Turns out, talking about it just made me cry. I'm not exactly sure why I cried, I know I feel ashamed and disgusted by myself, but to the point of tears? I had no idea. My therapist said that he didn't think those feelings I had, indicated I was bisexual or lesbian, because "If I really was, I would have known it before now". Truth is, I have thought about it before "now". Ever since I was five! That is awful! Right? But I'm not only attracted to girls, in fact, I am much,much more attracted to guys. I've never had a crush on a girl. I don't know if it is because I've been taught all my life that homosexuality is bad, so I won't even open my mind to it, or if I am just not into girls that way. So, that is very confusing. I'm more physically attracted to girls. Also, all of my friends (that are girls) think that every lesbian girl has to be into them! They're just sooo stupid sometimes. If I told them about how I may or may not feel for girls, they would probably shun me. One of the guys I sorta had a crush on told me last week that he didn't believe in homosexuality AT ALL. I don't feel like anyone understands, especially myself. If anyone has been through this before, can you please give me some advice?

Kensington
05-02-2012, 09:59 PM
How do you feel about telling your t. that you've had an inkling about maybe being attracted to the female sex that started years ago? You might be gay, straight, or bisexual. It's important to explore so you know what's going on. And for what it's worth, any of those is just fine. If others want to pretend there's no such thing as being gay, they are only fooling themselves.

klpklp
05-03-2012, 07:40 PM
Thank you for offering advice, but I don't understand what you mean by "explore".

axi
05-03-2012, 08:51 PM
I hope that you bring this up with your T again. If he continues to be dismissive of it, you may need to find a new one. Therapy is supposed to be a safe place where you can be yourself. If you are feeling like you don't have that, then something is off.

Kensington
05-04-2012, 01:55 AM
Explore by talking in t, thinking about it, fantasizing, that sort of thing. How do you feel about telling your t. what you told us?

divadoll
05-04-2012, 05:38 PM
There's nothing wrong with being gay. God loves everyone equally.

DD

Sylphlover
05-07-2012, 05:36 PM
klpklp:

Hi. Checking in to see how you are doing. Did you talk to your T again? No one needs to feel judged no matter if they are gay, lesbian, straight, bi, trans etc.. Please don't let this go.. It will only fester inside of you..

I was judged for being "lesbian" before I was even out myself.. It had me hide in the closet for years. This made me hate myself more -- until I was honest with myself and others

.. Reach out to people that will :ear you. We are here for you no matter what your sexual orientation.

arm
05-07-2012, 06:39 PM
Hey, the whole knowing before thing isn't true.
I'm bi-sexual and i only started realizing it recently. About three or four years ago.
I totally love guys but girls turn me on more.
I cried about it at first too, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone likes what they like who cares.
The only reason why i felt bad about it at first was because my boyfriend made me feel bad cause he thought i would cheat on him with a girl. But it's really not bad.
I love girls, they are beautiful sexy people, but so are guys.
Embrace it :D

klpklp
08-07-2012, 08:57 PM
Sylphlover,

I really, really appreciate that you care about how I am doing. In answer to your question I have been to my therapist and we haven't really discussed it anymore. Lately I've felt really sad and so that has preoccupied my thoughts. I go through stages where I'm extremely depressed and then where I act normal, but really there is always a sadness buried deep within that I don't think will ever go away. Maybe one day, when I'm older and have more distractions in life that make me happy, I'll be able to really evaluate myself and decide how I feel despite what others think. But now it's just not a priority for me. I truly believe that in the end it doesn't matter if I like girls or guys because I can never really love anyone. I just have too many issues and I'm not talking about my ED. Tonight is actually one of my better nights though, I'm not very sad, but like I said the sadness will never go away...

bellydancer
08-07-2012, 10:25 PM
I think that it's good that you're keeping an open mind. You're so young, and you have a long time to figure out what and who you like. This would be a great time to focus on your recovery. What I am concerned about is that you say that you feel that you could never love anyone. Why is that?

Sylphlover
08-08-2012, 12:31 AM
klpklp:

I am glad you are continuing to see your therapist and talk about what is important to you. Feelings do pass.. sorry you have so much sadness right now in your life. Keep on keeping on working through your issues.

I agree with Bellydancer you are so young right now and have plenty of time to figure out your sexual orientation.

klpklp
08-09-2012, 01:36 PM
I guess that I say I can't love anyone (romantically, because I do love my family) is because I would be a burden to the other person. I would just bring them down. And I'm not sure if romantic love is real anyway. You could probably meet atleast three people in every state of this country that you "love" and would marry. So what makes your story any different? That's just the way I see it and that upsets most people. But mostly because, I'd be a burden.

Scarsohnine
08-09-2012, 04:01 PM
Never be ashamed about who you are, remember to listen to what you feel inside. Work through these feelings with your T and slowly, slowly you will find yourself and don't let anyone else tell you any different, you are who you are.