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jaybay
05-01-2012, 05:14 PM
Hi, I'm back...it's been a while, but I am having an issue and need somewhere to turn.


:redflag:redflag Contains parts of my sex life that could be triggering or make some uncomfortable. :redflag:redflag

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been together for well over a year and I know its love. I love everything about him...except the sex.
When we do have sex, its amazing. Its the best thing in the world.
When it happens.
He never initiates it with me, and half the time when I try he really isn't interested.

It punches my self esteem dead in the face.

Any advice?

axi
05-01-2012, 06:48 PM
Talk to him about it. Tell him how much this hurts you. Don't step delicately around it: put it all out there and tell him that it can't continue.

jaybay
05-01-2012, 06:54 PM
I don't want to seem pushy, though. Sex isn't a make or break thing to him, and I have an abnormally high sex drive. It is make or break to me, though, so I don't know how to approach the subject without making it seem like he isn't good enough for me.

arm
05-01-2012, 07:27 PM
Jaybay, happens to me to, i feel so rejected. My sex drive is pretty high too..i feel like i want it more than my boyfriend. Same situation been together for over a year and love each other. And not just sex, anything for play, kisses, affection i have to ask and get rejected often /:

jaybay
05-01-2012, 07:37 PM
It's just frustrating to me! He doesn't have any issues with it or anything, just doesn't want it.

BAD LANGUAGE!! BAD LANGUAGE!

It really gets to me sometimes. And it evokes very different emotions. Sometimes I feel so unattractive and really down. And sometimes I get a bad attitude, more like "Fine! I know there are about two million men in this world and one is bound to want to fuck more often".

It's exhausting.

arm
05-01-2012, 07:53 PM
Lmaolmaolmao, YESSSS..exactly.
You are funny
c:

jaybay
05-01-2012, 07:54 PM
I should really probably just talk to him though. And you should talk to your beau too. If everything is amazing but the sex...I feel like it could be an easy enough fix. Hopefully. Hahaha.

And thank-you. I am told I have a pretty good sense of humor.

sflathinker
05-01-2012, 08:06 PM
It's a deal breaker issue to me as is communication. Your needs are your needs and there's no shame in that. I have a very high sex drive and sex between a partner will wane after a few years together so if you are already feeling this way, imagine a few years down the road. Intimacy, physical or emotional is something that can be worked on in a relationship, if both people are willing to understand one another.

jaybay
05-01-2012, 08:21 PM
I want so badly for it not to bother me, but it does and I have to face the music.

I blamed it a lot on timing for a long time because we work alternate shifts and he lived with his brother/sister in law and I lived with my parents.

Now we live together and it isn't sitting well with me.

It makes me uncomfortable trying to be "adventurous" or "sexy" with him because if I am standing there full out in just lingerie and heels and he turns me down, I will flip a switch and probably kick him out.

axi
05-01-2012, 08:24 PM
He needs to realize that this is a need of yours and help you find a solution. If you let him know that this is an issue for you and he ignores it, then more than just sex is wrong.

jaybay
05-01-2012, 08:27 PM
But how do I even start a conversation about something like this? I don't want to come off like it isn't good when we have it or that he isn't masculine enough.

sflathinker
05-02-2012, 06:14 AM
Start the conversation in an innocuous setting (not during sex or after a rejection). Explain how much you love him. Tell him how much being physical excites you and how much having him inside of you makes you feel so much closer to him. Be honest, be gentle.

jaybay
05-02-2012, 03:21 PM
So...I tried to talk to him when he got out of work last night, and I think I nailed the problem.
Well, problems.

A) We are not at the same, er, experience level. I took his virginity, and he far from took mine which, to my understanding, is slightly intimidating.

B) He doesn't like to be in charge, if you catch my drift.

C) He doesn't want me to think he is only into one thing from me.

I hope this is it, because these are all easy things to fix.

sflathinker
05-02-2012, 08:14 PM
a. so what
b. so what
c. SERIOUSLY

a. show him what you want
b. learn to be more aggressive to get what you want
c. Obviously there was a communication breakdown if he fears that you thought he just wanted sex and you were frustrated that you weren't getting enough

I hope you had great sex last night to clear up this misunderstanding and continue showing each other, on a regular basis what you like. If this doesn't clear up, have another talk.

Pooh-Bear
05-03-2012, 10:26 PM
I hope you had great sex last night to clear up this misunderstanding

:muhaha sorry but that made me giggle :muhaha

They do seem like fixable issues. Do you feel the situation is resolved now?

jaybay
05-04-2012, 03:59 PM
I think we talked it out quite a bit. I am trying to work towards making our bond stronger. too. He is the first partner I have ever had that I truly enjoy sex with, which is probably why I want it so much all the time.

I guess it just feels better when you really care about the person.

Alycat
05-04-2012, 04:18 PM
So...I tried to talk to him when he got out of work last night, and I think I nailed the problem.
Well, problems.

A) We are not at the same, er, experience level. I took his virginity, and he far from took mine which, to my understanding, is slightly intimidating.

B) He doesn't like to be in charge, if you catch my drift.

C) He doesn't want me to think he is only into one thing from me.

I hope this is it, because these are all easy things to fix.

I've had very similar problems, although for A we were the other way round to you guys.